I went out with my friend Patti last night for drinks. It had been such long time since I had been out and carried on a indepth conversation with a friend. I have missed that. I have found myself in sucha hermit state here lately...
Have you ever found that there is a public perception of who you are and who people expect you to be? I think I shocked a few of my students the other day...
There are times where I find myself in an odd predicament. It usually hits me when I am in a place where I know no one...whether it is at a party or a bar or even in a coffee shop. Preconceived notions would expect that I would be considered an outgoing person and feel right at home, speaking and talking with folks, and getting to know those around me. Actually it is the contrary. I become kind of reclusive and a wall flower of sorts. This later statement shocked my students.
I am more apt to be the one who does not step outside the box and introduce myself if I am in an uncomfortable unkown environment. It is this that I am battling being in a new landscape. I find myself out of sorts at times, trying to find my way in a new city. I am finding that I am less apt to go out and meet people and go out and explore. I may have relied on the idea of safety, of work, of being so busy to get myself to this time and place and not having gone out.
In the past, it has been this uncomfortability that people latch on to and come to harsh decisions that I am stuck-up, snobbish, or rude. It is this comment that hurts. It is the contrary. It truly is that I am just so damn uncomfortable in public situations where I am meeting people left and right and trying so hard to remember names, when I am more of a facial rememberer. I do not feel that I am a smoozer and could never be a used car salesman or go back to work in retail where I am selling something. Maybe I do hold my own in public situations and am over-reacting. Maybe I am just tired and have a low tolerance level at times? Who knows?
i know that it will happen in time. I will get out and meet people in public functions and find myself in more comfortable ground. However, it is tiring to me and I find myself wanting to be more of a hermit at times to protect myself...but I have to force myself to put on that personae that says approachability. Especially with my students.
Keep myself open to the possibilities. Keep myself open to those around me.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
PEEPS SEASON IS HERE!!
I have to admit...I have an addiction...
I do enjoy an occasional soft sugary yummy goodness known as Peeps! Yes it is true.
I know you are shocked.
I think what got me hooked was my grad school mentor, now friend, Tom Bernard. Tom used to get almost giddy knowing that Easter was right around the corner. I remember coming down into the costume shop at NDSU and seeing carton upon carton upon carton of the sugar birds sitting on his cutting table. And he would carry on a conversation with me, while eating not just one bird, but a whole tray...
Yes 5 birds at a time.
Now I will tell you that I am not THAT addicted...but I do enjoy an occasional yummy treat.
They have Peep photo sites...place your Peeps in funny settings. Hysterical!
We have had ritualistic "Welcome Spring" moments that include Peeps on the Grill. Nothing funnier than watching those little birds begin to expand and then sag into between the grates.
Peeps in the microwave...
Boiled Peeps...kinda lack luster in comparison. And now that I read this...kinda morbid and demonic. And a waste of a good treat.
But the ULTIMATE??
Peeps Smores...The sugar gets a little crunchy and almost carmelized...meets graham cracker and Hershey's chocolate...YUMMY...
So perhaps it is the sugar rush...but I am always excited to see the little sugar critters appear on the shelves...knowing that the blades of grass are on their way.
Favorite color of this season??? Tangerine!! Just AWESOME!
Friday, January 29, 2010
A Bucket List
From time to time, I get on Yahoo News to just look at what events are going on in the world...here is one post that got me thinking...
"It was Harriet Richardson Ames' dream to earn her bachelor's degree in education. She finally reached that milestone, nearly three week's after achieving another: her 100th birthday. On Saturday, the day after receiving her diploma at her bedside, the retired school teacher died, pleased that she had accomplished her goal, her daughter said. Ames had been in hospice care. 'She had what I call a 'bucket list', and that was the last thing on it, ' Marjorie Carpenter said Tuesday."
"Ames, who turned 100 on Jan 2nd, had earned a two-year teaching certificate in 1931 at Keene Normal School, now Keene State College. She taught in a one-room schoolhouse in South Newbury, and later spent 20 years as a teaching principal at Memorial School in Pittfield, where she taught first-graders."
What drew me to this piece was that idea of a "Bucket List", something I have been thinking about since the movie came out a year or so ago starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Even though I have never seen the movie, I have thought "What exactly would be on my Bucket List? What kinds of things do I want to see and accomplish before God calls me home?"
I am going to be 40 in about two and half years and I would absolutely love to travel overseas and be in Paris when that milestone rings in. I have never been overseas and feel it would be absolutely perfect to reach such a milestone doing something I have never ever done before. And to be there with some of my closest friends would be wonderful, too...
Let see, what else would be on that list...
2. Travel to London
3. Skydiving
4. Take an Alaskan Cruise and see the whales
5. See the musical Jersey Boys
6. Play the role of Archibald Craven in The Secret Garden
7. Play the role of Harold Hill in The Music Man
8. Play the role of Sweeney Todd in Sweeney Todd
9. Travel to Rome
10. Sing with an orchestra
11. Record a CD for sale
12. Write a book. Maybe publish?
13. Have a child.
14. Build my own home and be able to design it the way I would like it...a dream home, if you will.
15. See the fall colors of New England
16. Rock climb
17. Parasail in the Carribean
18. Be remembered for being a good man.
19. Grow Muscles.
I think these are realistic??? And achievable!! Don't you?
What is on your Bucket List?
"It was Harriet Richardson Ames' dream to earn her bachelor's degree in education. She finally reached that milestone, nearly three week's after achieving another: her 100th birthday. On Saturday, the day after receiving her diploma at her bedside, the retired school teacher died, pleased that she had accomplished her goal, her daughter said. Ames had been in hospice care. 'She had what I call a 'bucket list', and that was the last thing on it, ' Marjorie Carpenter said Tuesday."
"Ames, who turned 100 on Jan 2nd, had earned a two-year teaching certificate in 1931 at Keene Normal School, now Keene State College. She taught in a one-room schoolhouse in South Newbury, and later spent 20 years as a teaching principal at Memorial School in Pittfield, where she taught first-graders."
What drew me to this piece was that idea of a "Bucket List", something I have been thinking about since the movie came out a year or so ago starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Even though I have never seen the movie, I have thought "What exactly would be on my Bucket List? What kinds of things do I want to see and accomplish before God calls me home?"
I am going to be 40 in about two and half years and I would absolutely love to travel overseas and be in Paris when that milestone rings in. I have never been overseas and feel it would be absolutely perfect to reach such a milestone doing something I have never ever done before. And to be there with some of my closest friends would be wonderful, too...
Let see, what else would be on that list...
2. Travel to London
3. Skydiving
4. Take an Alaskan Cruise and see the whales
5. See the musical Jersey Boys
6. Play the role of Archibald Craven in The Secret Garden
7. Play the role of Harold Hill in The Music Man
8. Play the role of Sweeney Todd in Sweeney Todd
9. Travel to Rome
10. Sing with an orchestra
11. Record a CD for sale
12. Write a book. Maybe publish?
13. Have a child.
14. Build my own home and be able to design it the way I would like it...a dream home, if you will.
15. See the fall colors of New England
16. Rock climb
17. Parasail in the Carribean
18. Be remembered for being a good man.
19. Grow Muscles.
I think these are realistic??? And achievable!! Don't you?
What is on your Bucket List?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A Grateful List
It has been a little while since my last blog entry.
I have been a busy man.
I am only able to put together a Grateful List for the time being but want to put together my thoughts for a few more entries this upcoming weekend.
Here's what I am grateful for:
1. Being able to spend time with my nephew, Blaine.
His birthday was last weekend and I was in Kansas City for it so I was not able to be here to help him celebrate. So, I took him to Olive Garden and we had pasta...well actually odd thing...he wanted the Calamari????? What 7 year old enjoys SQUID??? I ask you...but he did and he really enjoyed it...then we went off in search of the perfect ice cream...to which a little birdy told me that he love love loved COLDSTONE CREAMERY!! YUMMY!!! On the way, I was informed that Cookie Dough Ice Cream is the bomb-diggity. Note taken... Was a really good time had by the both of us. I just hope his Mom can forgive the sugar rush I left him with...
2. My Students
They never cease to amaze me. We are working on a monologue writing unit I have put together for them. Kind of cross-curricular in format. Not only are they assessing photographs, but they are creating background information and using their imaginations to create a character off of that selected photograph.
Well today they had to spend 10 minutes in free-write format, writing about their character's "Arch Enemy". They had 10 minutes to write all of their stream-lined consciousness thoughts, not put their pens down, and do NOT SECOND GUESS. All in their character's voice. It was exciting to see them actually writing for a change AND when asked to read the best line of their work, there was actually some really great nuggets of creativity. I was very very excited. The project looks promising...
3. My friends.
I have been blessed with wonderful friends in my life, that no matter how far we are apart, they love and support me. This passed weekend, a group of my Omaha friends converged on Kansas City to meet someone special who has come into my life. Not only was it a weekend to reconnect with Jason, who was not able to leave KC to come up to Omaha for holidays, but it was important to me that very important people in my life meet Justin and he them. All went very very well and a good time was had by all.
There are so many friends that I wish could have come down as well to meet Justin...but there are more times to make this happen. It was truly a great time for reconnecting and joking and enjoying one another's company.
4. For where I am and what I am doing...
Today a fellow faculty member gave me a really great boost. We have a medal/ award that faculty members present to other faculty members to recognize them for their hard work and dedication. I had asked Terri, who had received it at last meeting, who she was going to give hers to. She gave me someone else's name and then proceeded to stand up and explain to the room descriptors that began to sound like me...I was so shocked. It made me feel so good!!!
I am so blessed and grateful for where I am, what I am doing, and for getting the chance to work with some amazing people. I am surrounded by a wonderful group of teachers, who care, support each other, and are there to help and instruct and nurture their students. I see this every day and am just grateful that I get the chance to be a part of it.
I am exhausted. I am tired. I am heading to bed...
I have been a busy man.
I am only able to put together a Grateful List for the time being but want to put together my thoughts for a few more entries this upcoming weekend.
Here's what I am grateful for:
1. Being able to spend time with my nephew, Blaine.
His birthday was last weekend and I was in Kansas City for it so I was not able to be here to help him celebrate. So, I took him to Olive Garden and we had pasta...well actually odd thing...he wanted the Calamari????? What 7 year old enjoys SQUID??? I ask you...but he did and he really enjoyed it...then we went off in search of the perfect ice cream...to which a little birdy told me that he love love loved COLDSTONE CREAMERY!! YUMMY!!! On the way, I was informed that Cookie Dough Ice Cream is the bomb-diggity. Note taken... Was a really good time had by the both of us. I just hope his Mom can forgive the sugar rush I left him with...
2. My Students
They never cease to amaze me. We are working on a monologue writing unit I have put together for them. Kind of cross-curricular in format. Not only are they assessing photographs, but they are creating background information and using their imaginations to create a character off of that selected photograph.
Well today they had to spend 10 minutes in free-write format, writing about their character's "Arch Enemy". They had 10 minutes to write all of their stream-lined consciousness thoughts, not put their pens down, and do NOT SECOND GUESS. All in their character's voice. It was exciting to see them actually writing for a change AND when asked to read the best line of their work, there was actually some really great nuggets of creativity. I was very very excited. The project looks promising...
3. My friends.
I have been blessed with wonderful friends in my life, that no matter how far we are apart, they love and support me. This passed weekend, a group of my Omaha friends converged on Kansas City to meet someone special who has come into my life. Not only was it a weekend to reconnect with Jason, who was not able to leave KC to come up to Omaha for holidays, but it was important to me that very important people in my life meet Justin and he them. All went very very well and a good time was had by all.
There are so many friends that I wish could have come down as well to meet Justin...but there are more times to make this happen. It was truly a great time for reconnecting and joking and enjoying one another's company.
4. For where I am and what I am doing...
Today a fellow faculty member gave me a really great boost. We have a medal/ award that faculty members present to other faculty members to recognize them for their hard work and dedication. I had asked Terri, who had received it at last meeting, who she was going to give hers to. She gave me someone else's name and then proceeded to stand up and explain to the room descriptors that began to sound like me...I was so shocked. It made me feel so good!!!
I am so blessed and grateful for where I am, what I am doing, and for getting the chance to work with some amazing people. I am surrounded by a wonderful group of teachers, who care, support each other, and are there to help and instruct and nurture their students. I see this every day and am just grateful that I get the chance to be a part of it.
I am exhausted. I am tired. I am heading to bed...
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Power of Contentment
I have mentioned a few times before about how contentment plays a common role in the passed few months. This has not always been the case in my short time here on this earth. I have not always felt content and that has been very disconcerting.
There are times I can recall being so disillusioned with where I was in my life. In high school, somewhere it is written that you have to set goals for yourself. Those life goals get set- at times, to a higher and higher wrung, sometimes unrealistically so. And then we sadly spend the many years that follow trying to achieve those lofty goals or fail miserably.
These goals also sadly define our lives, who we are, what we have to accomplish by those timed benchmarks. "By the age of 25, I was to be here, here and here." "By the age of 30, I want to have a ring on my finger, a strong stable job, and a strong understanding of my life's path"
And when we do not achieve...a sense of sadness, a sense of failure...
And for so many years, I defined myself by who I surrounded myself with. I defined my success by how much could I please my parents. I defined my success by how much could I maintain a hectic schedule and how much this schedule could cover the sadness that was in my heart.
I also allowed my happiness, at times, to be defined by who I was or was not dating. My success was defined by whether or not I had someone special in my life. And I know now that that was all unhealthy.
I tried and tried to find true love. I worked hard to be every one's friend and lost a bit of myself along the way. I thought that I had to have the love of someone else to define how I loved myself, when in reality, it should be the reverse. You have to LOVE YOURSELF before you can ever allow someone else into your heart.
Folks say, "It just happens when you least expect it." And I have shifted my focus to bettering myself. Not being so hard on myself and taking the time to learn more about me. To be comfortable in my own skin. Taking the time to just enjoy being around me. And slowly I could feel the new idea of contentment creeping into my darkest avenues...and I have found that things are changing. That somehow...my focus and vision went from "tunnel vision" to FULL PERIPHERY...a place I am learning to be more and more comfortable in...
And to have someone align themselves into my life's path on a more romantic nature is a wonderful roller coaster that excites me... So yes, It just happened when I least expected it. When I was not even looking for it. Just focusing on creating a better me, shifting my focus to a better job that fit much better into my life's goals I had set long long ago, and WHAM...there was my Prince Charming.
Just thought I would share...
There are times I can recall being so disillusioned with where I was in my life. In high school, somewhere it is written that you have to set goals for yourself. Those life goals get set- at times, to a higher and higher wrung, sometimes unrealistically so. And then we sadly spend the many years that follow trying to achieve those lofty goals or fail miserably.
These goals also sadly define our lives, who we are, what we have to accomplish by those timed benchmarks. "By the age of 25, I was to be here, here and here." "By the age of 30, I want to have a ring on my finger, a strong stable job, and a strong understanding of my life's path"
And when we do not achieve...a sense of sadness, a sense of failure...
And for so many years, I defined myself by who I surrounded myself with. I defined my success by how much could I please my parents. I defined my success by how much could I maintain a hectic schedule and how much this schedule could cover the sadness that was in my heart.
I also allowed my happiness, at times, to be defined by who I was or was not dating. My success was defined by whether or not I had someone special in my life. And I know now that that was all unhealthy.
I tried and tried to find true love. I worked hard to be every one's friend and lost a bit of myself along the way. I thought that I had to have the love of someone else to define how I loved myself, when in reality, it should be the reverse. You have to LOVE YOURSELF before you can ever allow someone else into your heart.
Folks say, "It just happens when you least expect it." And I have shifted my focus to bettering myself. Not being so hard on myself and taking the time to learn more about me. To be comfortable in my own skin. Taking the time to just enjoy being around me. And slowly I could feel the new idea of contentment creeping into my darkest avenues...and I have found that things are changing. That somehow...my focus and vision went from "tunnel vision" to FULL PERIPHERY...a place I am learning to be more and more comfortable in...
And to have someone align themselves into my life's path on a more romantic nature is a wonderful roller coaster that excites me... So yes, It just happened when I least expected it. When I was not even looking for it. Just focusing on creating a better me, shifting my focus to a better job that fit much better into my life's goals I had set long long ago, and WHAM...there was my Prince Charming.
Just thought I would share...
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Grateful List #1
Today I am grateful for:
1. Family. I am so blessed to have an amazing family. They support me, listen to my rantings, and still love me unconditionally
2. Justin...I am grateful to have met someone who is my "calm in the storm". I feel so blessed to have found someone who brings a smile to my face at just the mere thought of him. Someone who holds my hand in the dark and supports me with just words...
3. Friends...My friends are my support link. I am grateful for their love and support. My friends are my family. This especially became so vivid to me on my last visit to Omaha. My friends there know me inward and outward. To be in their presence was exactly what I needed. I have lost touch with friends from way way back here recently and it saddens my heart. I used to be able to chat with them on a monthly basis and this is not the case any longer. Is this a case of "Moving on"? Or life...Probably the later...
4. My students. I found out today in my Drama class that a young lady who is joining the class for 2nd semester just moved to Little Rock from Omaha. How crazy is that? And it truly was great to see their smiling faces today. Many hugs and smiles today...was nice...
5. Grateful for Peeps. I love those sugar coaty marshmellowy goodness...just the thought of smores with sugary coated brown crunchy yummy goodness...ahhhhh BLISS.
1. Family. I am so blessed to have an amazing family. They support me, listen to my rantings, and still love me unconditionally
2. Justin...I am grateful to have met someone who is my "calm in the storm". I feel so blessed to have found someone who brings a smile to my face at just the mere thought of him. Someone who holds my hand in the dark and supports me with just words...
3. Friends...My friends are my support link. I am grateful for their love and support. My friends are my family. This especially became so vivid to me on my last visit to Omaha. My friends there know me inward and outward. To be in their presence was exactly what I needed. I have lost touch with friends from way way back here recently and it saddens my heart. I used to be able to chat with them on a monthly basis and this is not the case any longer. Is this a case of "Moving on"? Or life...Probably the later...
4. My students. I found out today in my Drama class that a young lady who is joining the class for 2nd semester just moved to Little Rock from Omaha. How crazy is that? And it truly was great to see their smiling faces today. Many hugs and smiles today...was nice...
5. Grateful for Peeps. I love those sugar coaty marshmellowy goodness...just the thought of smores with sugary coated brown crunchy yummy goodness...ahhhhh BLISS.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Looking back...
2009.
where did you go?
you flew by so fast for some, and not fast enough for others...
I am grateful that you flew by lightning fast for me and was a complete roller coaster of change for Mr. Higdem.
2010.
Hello friend? How goes it? I am so glad you are here.
I look forwards to experiencing you on so many levels...
The idea of resolutions??? MEh.
I am realistic about these types of things...I have set the goals for the year...the idea that i needed to be beefier for some reason...joined the gym...and then let it all go by the wayside within weeks or months...so why put myself through that all...as well as you, my readers.
A few things I will say I am focusing on in 2010:
1. The power of inward reflection. This blog will reflect that, I can assure you.
2. The power of being grateful. I am grateful for so many things that have happened in my life. There are times when I get so bogged down with the negativity of my life...or the community...or in the world...so it will do my heart good to have a "grateful list".
Last but not least...
3. The power of prayer and meditation. I have felt out of touch in the last few years. Like I have been floating away on some level...or just trying to stay afloat. There have been many life changing events that have happened in my life recently...and I feel truthfully...that His hand has been guiding me along this whole time...even in the darkest of times...all have lead to this day...this moment...this present time in my life...and I am grateful...
So I will try to reconnect with the one who has lead me to this day with a few words of gratitude and prayer for those who need His guidance...I figure it will help me refocus...and help me to be thankful and humble and worldly focused instead of being self-centered, which I can be at times.
So there.
So BE IT!
Resolutions for 2010.
BRING IT ON!!!
where did you go?
you flew by so fast for some, and not fast enough for others...
I am grateful that you flew by lightning fast for me and was a complete roller coaster of change for Mr. Higdem.
2010.
Hello friend? How goes it? I am so glad you are here.
I look forwards to experiencing you on so many levels...
The idea of resolutions??? MEh.
I am realistic about these types of things...I have set the goals for the year...the idea that i needed to be beefier for some reason...joined the gym...and then let it all go by the wayside within weeks or months...so why put myself through that all...as well as you, my readers.
A few things I will say I am focusing on in 2010:
1. The power of inward reflection. This blog will reflect that, I can assure you.
2. The power of being grateful. I am grateful for so many things that have happened in my life. There are times when I get so bogged down with the negativity of my life...or the community...or in the world...so it will do my heart good to have a "grateful list".
Last but not least...
3. The power of prayer and meditation. I have felt out of touch in the last few years. Like I have been floating away on some level...or just trying to stay afloat. There have been many life changing events that have happened in my life recently...and I feel truthfully...that His hand has been guiding me along this whole time...even in the darkest of times...all have lead to this day...this moment...this present time in my life...and I am grateful...
So I will try to reconnect with the one who has lead me to this day with a few words of gratitude and prayer for those who need His guidance...I figure it will help me refocus...and help me to be thankful and humble and worldly focused instead of being self-centered, which I can be at times.
So there.
So BE IT!
Resolutions for 2010.
BRING IT ON!!!
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