I will NOT forget...

It's been awhile...
I remember it like it was yesterday and talking about it bring back a dull pain.
Not as sharp as before...
I live with this pain but definitely not the same as others...
My pain does not encapsulate the loss of loved one, the pain of not knowing what their last moments were, the pain of not knowing where they were.
Their pain is what we feel the deepest.
Their pain is mixed with tears and anger and hurt and bewilderment...
At WHY someone felt it justifiable to do such a heinous act and remove so many lives.
To poke a burning ember at a resting soul only to spawn hatred.
My pain seems selfish in respect to theirs.
Mine pales in comparison.
Mine is one of regret, and hurt, and dreams lost, along with the horror of the event. My pain I have moved on from. How can you move on from something like theirs?

9 years.
Is never enough.
Not enough time to forget the falling debris.
To see the desperation in people's faces.
To forget the screams and the running and the cramming.
To forget the fear and the what do I do now??
At this very moment, what do I do now??

Hearing a mother's voice is the sweetest thing ever to a young son's heart...I am thankful I was able to hear mine. For other's I know this was not the case...
I can remember watching the second building tumble to the ground and remember it being like a picture show. Soft and gentle and yet knew deep in my most inner core...this was death and blood and dust and tears and sweat and screaming and hot metal and that this was worse than any horror film one could imagine. I cannot watch horror films to this day.

I remember the woman walking ahead of me through Times Square with the dust and debris still on her nylons. Time Square was a zombie land. White faced slow trudging beings who shocked and gaped and cried and moaned and just drudged through the barren wasteland.
I remember the young man on the subway, in sweats, with a garbage bag between his legs, finally getting through on his phone only to state, "That fireman pushed me into that van, but I know he's dead now."
I know he's dead...

How do you forget a day like that?

You don't forget.

But the pain does oddly dull a bit...

OVER THER EDGE!!!!

Be It Jack Sparrow, Steeler, Foul, or Peacock...All together wreaks stupidity. Just looking at these poor dog's faces showing great humiliation and all for our own antics and so- called humor...

Where is PETA when they need them?

RIDICULOUS!!!!!

I am reminded of the horrible dog acts that perform in Medora...Dressing you dogs up in floor length ornate gowns and making them hop on their hind legs, feigning walking. And then treating them horribly backstage all when they make your paycheck for you.

Shame on these folks!!

A brotherhood...

I have just completed a wonderful trip to Omaha. It is wonderful to come home to be amongst friends, feeling their love and getting warm hugs, enjoying time with my family and sharing an amazing dinner and game-night. I could be depressingly sad thinking about life going on, that their lives have gone on without me. But here is the lowdown: I can feel that for a great deal of friends, there is a sense of happiness and success in life adventures for alot of my friends. They are moving on with great fervor. I LOVE THAT!!!! I love that goals are being set. I love that kids are entering the picture for a number of my friends. I love that friends are moving on to new jobs, new adventures, new avenues of employment.

So many changes...

What was wonderful was also being back among my Max family. The Mr. Max contest falls every first weekend of August. I actually ran for the title of Mr. Max 13 on a whim. I was not seeing anything in the Omaha theatre community that I wanted to audition for. I had a mentor of mine once tell me, "If something scares the piss outta you, you have to at least try it once." So I decided to run...but I never realized how much the role required...nor how much it would give back to me being six years away.

When you win the title "Mr. Max", it is not only a bar promoter role, but also you serve as a role model. You are out and about and are the face of the amazing bar that is THE MAX. You are the "Welcome Wagon". You are the support, not only for each other, but also your Misses. It all seemed like a daunting task. They are the poster boys.

To be home and to hear that folks on Facebook talk smack about my brothers being this, or my brothers being that...or something that they are not, really hurt. To call them "talentless unapproachable little twinks who do not support their community" really got my dander up. Being Mr. Max, or even Miss Max, or Mister Max MI, is a huge time commitment and a high pressure position at times. You have requirements that require you to be "on" all the time, looking out for talent, exuding energy and maintaining an approachability when you are out and about. And to have fun!!

We are also helping with fundraising for so many amazing charities...I think that is the most rewarding thing I found during my tenure as Mr. Max. Using the title to raise money for deserving charities and to be supportive of such an amazing community. I can honestly say that I was able to do things I would never ever be able to do if I were not a Mr Max. Jello wrestling for charity anyone??

To say that we "do not support our community" and are "unapproachable" is obviously written by someone who just does not "get it". They need to step aside until they do.

We just sashed our 19th on Sunday eve. Sean has a daunting task ahead, although he has an amazing brotherhood of support surrounding him. The opportunities and adventures ahead of him abound. And after meeting him and all the others who aspired to this brotherhood, I have great confidence in his abilities to unite, to creatively step forward and be a positive role model. I am very excited to hear about them all.

I miss my Max family so much. I miss the camaraderie, the laughter, the electricity of being in the moment of the show, and hearing the stories of their adventures. I look forward to visiting home again soon! Thank you, my brothers, for making my stay so great and for making me feel welcome! I love you all!!!

Traditionally it is PAPER!

HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY!!

For the first time in my life, I have someone in my life who fully completes me,

someone who knows my hidden secrets but looks beyond to the big picture.

For so many years, I spent my life running and running

and running.

From life.

From rest.

Trying to grab life by the bootstraps and all the while screaming at the stars,
"WHERE ARE YOU, my Prince Charming?

Why can't I find that right true person who brings me joy and bliss?

Where is my one true love?"

Anger.

Hopelessness.

Sadness.

All the while, never realizing that it would take a higher power encouraging a move to a new part of the country, finding a new adventure,

to find you.
I have seen your smile in the dark.

I have felt your wink from across the room.

I have watched you chase my neices and nephews all through the house.

And I can finally dream.

I can finally hope.

I can finally love with all my heart...

and never look back...

Thank you for being you.

Thank you for your love and for giving me your heart.

I love you with all of mine.

Tales from the River's Edge

I can remember sitting in the back of Grandpa and Grandma Higdem's Lincoln Mercury travelling the wooded northern Minnesota roads on our way to Lake Itasca State Park. Grandpa Higdem proudly served on the park's Board of Directors for a time and so we would have to drive down for meetings.I always loved going along, hanging with Grandma, taking in a little hiking, great food, lakes galore...afterall, Minnesota is the Land of 10,000 Lakes!! And I believe it!

However, this particular state park is also the birthplace of our nations longest, largest river. The Mississippi River begins as a trickling brook, water tripping over a few rocks, and it's headwaters are merely a bubbling area that you can cross with your barefeet. Many a time did I cross this area. Many a time did I bring friends to this site to experience it for themselves. It was always an experience hiking the back trails, seeing deer cross your hiking path, and going through the woods carefully on the lookout for the patch of poinson ivy or the occasional rabid badger.

This was the closest Justin and I got to the Mississippi River on our summer excursion...It was not the bubbling crossable headwaters...but it was definitely an adventure and a moment to stop by the roadside for a photo op.

Medora Memories #102

You ever heard the idea that usually your first professional theatre job will always be your most memorable...for some crazy reason...usually entailing some sort of humiliating costume or crazy role that requires you to don a full body suit shaped like an extra large cowboy hat donning EGG ecouraging the people of Bismarck, North Dakota to buckle their seat belts???

YES FOLKS...I PLAYED THIS ROLE TOO...

B.U.B.

(For Buckle Up Bismarck)

And THANK GOD there are no pictures out there!!!

However, I could not escape it even for my first professional gig. So when we found out that we were going to be a singing salad bar, I thought, "Okay". And then the costumes arrived and they included a satiny-silky lettuce headpiece AND a carrot puppet...and I thought, "Alright, I can do this. Save face. Save face...Make them laugh...".

I made it through the summer and calmly forgot about it...thinking...First Job has been achieved and I have made it through the crazy costume mode, have amazing first year memories, and can move on...

And then the picture appears in the brand new Visitor's Center celebrating the Medora Musical and its beginnings and Wah-lah...

There's the LETTUCE HEAD....

GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Maybe Avenue Q will call???

WORLD'S LARGEST

It is amazing to look at lists. We all need them, especially when we get older.

But on my recent trip back home to North Dakota, I reminded Justin that this trip was full of a list of many adventures, and then sarcastically said, "But Honey, all lists will pale in comparison to the sights you are about to see along this stretch of I-94." I could sense his excitement!! ;)

So in researching the world's largest list of "things", here is what I have found:

World's Largest McDonald's is in Orlando, Florida.

World's Largest Fiddle is in Nova Scotia.

World's Largest Beaver Dam is in Wood Buffalo National Park in Alberta, Canada and can be seen from space...

World's Largest Pheasant is in Huron, SD.

World's Largest Pineapple is in Nambour.

World's Largest Clothespin is in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

World's Largest Hairball is in Garden City, Kansas... Ummm OK. GROSS!!

You can find more of the World's Largest Roadside Attractions on Wikipedia.

However, North Dakota has a pretty amazing "World's Largest list" as well...all along the stretch of I-94 on our way to Medora and back to Bismarck. We can honestly say that we saw, in awe, all three on our trip westward. The list includes:

The World's Largest Buffalo in Jamestown, the World's Largest Scrap Tin Sculptures in Gladstone,

AND...Drumroll please...

The World's Largest Holstein Cow is in New Salem, North Dakota, affectinately known as SALEM SUE.

I do have to say that there is nothing quite like being that close to an udder or a tail...and it could be quite considered quite fearful...

The black and white bovine sculpture is tucked away almost as a beacon to the buttes of the Badlands...serving as a Gateway to the Rolling Prairie hills.

And then came the hunger for a Quarter Pounder...which became a personal World's Largest of my very own...