A new concept...a new thought process

I mean come on...can you imagine what this world would be like if we just took the time to be kinder?
If we just took the time to figure out all of the ways to make someone else feel more beautiful?
More special?
All it takes, I think, is a little pause in your day and a reminder to "Slow down and breathe" when the pace picks up. When you are feeling the stress kick in and the pressure begin to build...a quick reminder...breathe. Just breathe. Just take in one deep breath to your very core..." The face the problem, the higher blood pressure with a new set of outlooks.
This world is so apt to test your boundaries. And I have heard it said that there is nothing good going on in the world right now and that it is in fact kinda scary. I would tend to agree with that statement.
Can you imagine if everybody just took a breath before bombing?
Facing adversity with a brighter set of eyes?


Reach out to someone you have not talked to in a long time.
Open the door for someone.
Buy your special someone flowers or make them dinner.


Do SOMETHING to propel kindness in this world. It will bring you a whole new, fresher outlook on the day.

What will your mark on the world say

Found this on Pinterest.

I like this a great deal.

So many times we struggle with if we are doing the right thing...or maybe if we should have said something differently...or handled a situation in a different manner. Or we are just "too busy"

So many people have helped mold me into the man I am today.

So many inspirational people who have taken the time out of their busy hectic schedules to pause and say, "How can I help?" or to just be a shoulder to lean on.

And for them I a grateful.

But, we can get so caught up in the rat race that we forget that there are people struggling just to find a course in their own lives.

Many are struggling with what they want to do "when they grow up"

By just taking one moment out of your own busy schedule to say, "You matter." will do your own heart good.

Pay it forward and be the lightness of being in someone else's life.

Be the inspiration not the perspiration.

Who knew...

Who knew that this planning for a celebration would be so intensive...

Trying to finalize a guest list so that blocks of rooms can be reserved.

And we struggle with this so much as we have a cap on the list...100...how do you cap off a guest list at 100 and you are surrounded by family but the list of friends will have to be selective...it sucks. But it is a fact of life.

Justin and I are not wanting to burden our families with the cost of this event. But we also want it to be casual and fun. And a memorable event for all. And Signature us. But it is costly as we move forward. And this adds stress...

We have the site. Lake side. Serene

We are struggling with a time line. I love the sunsets at the lake and would love to be able to share this with family and friends. Bonfires and s'mores. Music list. Wine and beer. But then there is the cost of food and all of the above...Will need to keep thinking on this.

Who knew that it was this much thought process and work...for one day of celebration?

  When it all comes down to it, it is a celebration of a love I have dreamed about all my life. A man I am so grateful to for saving me, for loving me, for lifting me up, and for supporting me. I think about moments of the day and I already get weepy. I see the friends and family surrounding us down at lakeside for a  intimate ceremony. I love the idea of memory chairs for our loved ones no longer with us brought in by our family. And I see lots of laughter and smiles and it makes the struggle all worth it.

Not forgotten...9/11

It is now a memorial site, a very fitting tribute but in those days of terror, with the smell of ash and heat floating into the air...and the sights of horror and roadside make-shift memorials and missing pages popping up everywhere you could think...it was a very different feel. Converting parks into candle vigils and trying to find their loved ones. The lines of people trying to get out of the lower part of Manhattan. The mass exodus in the afternoon through a eerily blank Time Square because subways were not running. The fear levels and the sadness level...unbearable. How is one supposed to go through relaxation exercises and focus on learning different acting techniques, basically concentrate, with sirens going by every moment? 

But what was also beautiful following the horrible day was the pride and strength that evolved from it. It was actually palpable. You could actually feel it grow not only in the "City that Never Sleeps" but nation-wide.

I have not been back to NYC since this time in my life, yet the friends I have made during this time period have remained and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for the shared experience that has drawn us together. I am reminded every year on this date of the horrific images, the scary moments, and the tears begin to flow again much like the pool you can now see on the World Trade Center memorial...as the water flows into the dark holes left by two planes.

It truly is a day I will NEVER FORGET.

It is my hope to be able to get back to NYC in the near future and be able to go to the museum and memorial and be able to take it in. Shed some tears and remember the day that our lives was changed forever.

D K H G Y ...The code

Haha I was reminded of this moment of my coming out process a little while ago and thought I would share...
Coming out is a challenge...no matter how you slice it. It's much like telling any secret to someone you care deeply for. Sharing that deepest darkest heart story.
Whether it is to your closest friends or family members, the butterflies begin weeks in advance. That uneasy throw-up feeling deep in the pit of your belly. You play each outcome over and over and over in your head and hope and pray that the end result is not like the horrible stories you hear occurring throughout our country. Those uninformed SOBs reacting harshly, lashing out and blaming and kicking and screaming and hurting.
My coming out has nothing in comparison to what others have gone through. But it has been the exact same feeling when I do get to that point where I have to actually speak the words...I get the butterflies. I get the racing heartbeats. The dry mouth and there is usually tears...not unusual for those who know me well.
But there is nothing more memorable than my first few coming out experiences. I am so thankful that I was in Medora and surrounded by great friends when I was finally able to verbalize who I was deep down.
Now I had struggled with this for quite sometime leading up to my summer of '93. I was in the Badlands of North Dakota performing nightly in the Greatest Show in the West!! And it was this summer that I decided to take a break and not work during the day and just perform the show at night. It was during this respite that feelings started to surface. Thankfully I had many around me who were so supportive and not shocked when I finally did come out, not only to myself, but also to them.
One friend in particular made the comment, "Honey, we are not shocked at all. In fact, many of us have been waiting for this moment for you. We used to have discussions about you and when it would happen. We used to talk in code around you."
I gave her a puzzled look. I chuckled as I could only imagine what those discussions sounded like.
She continued, "We used to say D K H G Y," and then in this type of sing songy form of verse, she sang, "B H W"
I looked at her and was like, "What? I don't get it."
She smiled at me and said, " Doesn't know he's gay yet."
And began to sing to me, "But he will!!!!!"

Funniest story of my life.
And it brings such levity to my life and to those I am mentoring through the process. And it helped me make it through...knowing that I wore this adventure on my sleeve. If so many knew it just by meeting me, how could anyone else be blind to who I was?

Can I get another AMEN?

Be REMARKABLE today.

Do something to change the lives of someone near you, even if it is just a hug or a smile.

You never know the impact you can make in other people's lives if you go around with your head downward...

Pick up your head and breathe in the fresh air.

It's gonna be a GREAT DAY TODAY!!!

Make new plans to try new things or create a new adventure.

As for me, I am going to figure this all out some day. Some day this light bulb will click on and I will see what is in store for me.

I believe this wholeheartedly.

Are we living up to our potential...

What is our true potential? Are we working towards our true potential and are we doing what we were destined to do with our lives?
There are so many "How to find your true potential" pages out there...you should just Google search it and see how many there are. It is crazy.
I can honestly say that I am struggling with this.
But what I am struggling with is not a question of the current job I work at, or the life I lead. It's those other moments in my life currently overtaking my thoughts...it is those thoughts of just completing graduate school, traveling as a professional actor and learning the business. Pervading my thoughts and hearing words of advice that we not asked for that now haunt me a bit.
You see, when I was little, I wanted to be a theatre producer. I wanted to be a theatre director. I wanted to possibly own my own theatre and create art and entertain. I completed grad school and immediate took to the road to "learn about this business."
And the first few steps were bumpy. I can look back and honestly say, that these bumps, while I was in the actual moment was a little traumatic, however nowadays, I think of these moments thankfully. It formed who I am as a performer and business man.
My family was not as kind or supportive during these times. The pressure to leave this all behind and do something "more stable" was heavy and hard at times mostly from my grandparents. And yes, the suggestions were towards being a teacher. They played my chosen theatre career at the times all off as ridiculous or flippant or unstable and played the teaching profession as a more stronger choice.
These days I am looking back on these conversations with a little bit of a dark cloud. And I do NOT want to say that I blame anyone for the conversation as debilitating as it was to my dreams but I am struggling with this.
What I am about to say could be read as stuck up and full of myself...It is not intended to be so but could be read as such...
I am now teaching. And I am good at it. Its not a question of that... I ENJOY IT SOOOOOO MUCH!!! I enjoy teaching the kids and watching them grow into budding artists. I enjoy my co-workers so much. I am good at what I do. I have learned the craft and am thankful for the paycheck and the opportunity to work in this field.
But am I being used and allowed to be utilized to my true potential? That is negotiable. I am feeling so much more creative when I blog, when I am onstage, when I am in the director's chair. I am thankful for the fall play time when I can be creative and collaborative. I feel much more creative when I am in the coach's seat for Forensics...but when I take in all of the politics surrounding me, all of the frustrating stupidity around issues, I get frustrated about it all.
And I KNOW that there are politics in EVERY profession.  I get that loud and clear.
But I cannot ignore the voices in my head of grandparents and parents telling me to do it and leave the artistic dreams behind and that is when I get even more frustrated with myself and for my life choices. I encourage my kids to never live their lives in a "shoulda, coulda, woulda" situation and to live life as fully as you possibly can...That they should live their own dreams and NOT OTHERS DREAMS...and then I begin to think...am I currently capping myself out? Is there something else out there I should be focused on instead?

Have I shut the door on those childhood dreams only to live the life my grandparents and father dreamt for me?

Doors have presented themselves and I have pursued them.
I have played the waiting game.
And there are many issues that I refuse to address here in this blog because I want to remain so positive. I want to continue to be a positive influence in other's lives. I want to keep teaching and working because I do love working with the kids...but the question still remains...am I working towards my truest potential or am I merely wading into the water one toe-touch at a time?
Am I being hypocritical and not practicing what I "preach"?