He became the first of my class...

It was a moment that I just never ever wanted to face, yet sadly, we as human beings must face at some point...for everything there is a beginning and there is an ending...for everyone there is a time and a place and a truth. A moment when everything falls into place and a moment when everything disrupts and falls apart.




One of our own has left us. One of our brightest lights has been snuffed out...too soon... too soon. I went to school with Bryan. I shared many a stage with Bryan during my high school and grad school years. I have such amazingly fond memories of these moments...he was fearless...he was willing to try anything for the sake of his art,,,even in high school. He tried to dye his hair black for a role and it came back dark black/blue...mostly blue than desired black... we laughed and laughed. But he went on...


I found my true footing with Bryan at the helm. He helped me through my own coming out process by just being the glorious human being he was...he was a man who welcomed everyone with his smile and his huge heart. He had an uncanny way of putting EVERYTHING into perspective. He was able to calm the roughest storm by just putting his own humorous spin on it. We worked together on projects. We laughed and shared life together, helping each other through school, helping each other over the hurdles being thrown at us.


I was able to share a few moments of his journey with him but as life's roads go...we lost track of each other. Sadly this happens so many times on the rough terrain of life's curves. We were able to reconnect a few years back and the beauty of our relationship is that we picked up right where we left off...and this was the beauty of Bryan. Life had dealt Bryan some rough blows and I could see he was suffering yet the beauty of Bryan was that he was open and honest about all of these struggles and yet he was looking forward to moving to California and pursue his dreams of playwrighting at the David Henry Hwang Writers Institute. The skies were opening for Bryan and I could see his excitement! His talent for the written word was immense and his creativity exploded not only on the stage but also on the page.


My birthday was this passed June 2nd. Facebook is an amazing tool and a way to reconnect with friends from the past. I had not heard from Bryan in many years since his move to CA however I could see he was doing well creatively through his posts and comments. I received the following message on Facebook: "Dearest Brandon- I miss you much and think of you often. I find I get lost dealing with health issues and trying to keep up with my writing. I'm never on FaceBook anymore. That said, I hop you are well and life is everything you've hoped for... Dreamed of. I wish for you the HaPpiEsT oF BiRtHdAyS! May the well-wishes you receive serve as a reminder of not only how much YOU are loved, but how much you have loved us ALL! A toast to you!: "Cheers to You and here's to years of future reminders." You are on my mind and in my heart dear old friend." It was the sweetest message I received and felt so honored to hear from him. I truly believed that I would be able to share a few more life stories with my sweet friend.


I knew there were health issues, but never once did Bryan allow this to be a defining factor of his life...he remained true to his dreams, to his friends, and his family.


Sadly 12 days later, I received news that he had passed away from his illnesses. I am so saddened by this news and true to form, Bryan reached out to me and made my day extra special even in the last few days of his life. I guess I didn't know how ill he was? Perhaps it was sudden, perhaps it was not...but Bryan would not be the type of person to make it an issue and for that, you will never be forgotten my friend. No matter how much was thrown at you, you rocked through this life with grace, with humor and joy. Life with you in it has been such a true blessing.


Sail on sweet friend. Sail on and grace the glorious stage God has set for you. You are loved and are missed already.

In darkness...seeking light...

April 28, 2014 Time magazine included a lovely article entitled "Let There be Night". It centers around finding God in the darkest of times but also searching him out in the nighttime skies. The article was wonderful and stated, "Most spiritual seekers spend their lives pursuing enlightenment. But this Eastertide, Barbara Brown Taylor, who ranks among America's leading theologians is encouraging believers and nonbelievers not only to seek the light but to face the darkness too, something the 21st century Americans tend to resist....contemporary spirituality is too feel-good, that darkness holds more lessons than the light and that contrary to what many of us have long believed, it is sometimes in the bleakest void that God is nearest"


PROFUND AH HA moment.


She goes on to state that our spiritual avoidance of darkness may be dangerous. We aer encouraged to get over our darkness, our sadness, and fix it all quickly rather than embrace it and work our way through it...


Never before have I felt closer to God than outside. One evening many years ago we were night hiking out in the Badlands. We decided to climb one of the buttes a few miles in on the trail. I was skeptical and fearful as I could not imagine what was lurking in the darkness...but the beauty of the stars and moon enlightened the ground and surroundings. So it was not completely dark. As we struggled our way up the side of the butte, we finally made it to the top and found our place up there amongst the scoria and grasses. It was truly beautiful and awe-inspiring. It was almost as if you could reach out and touch the stars...reach out to feel the light and touch the face of God. Never had I felt closer to God in all my life...in the darkness reaching out...and seeing the night skies lit up with twinkles and meteor showers. It was an awesome evening and extremely spiritual.