What stands out from this one is "You have this one life...make yourself proud."

Poetic and Profound

I had mentioned my lesson plan surrounding the performances of Marina Abramovic and her performances with her lover of 12 years, Ulay. They had had such a tumultuous relationship while they performed together. Their relationship had to be built on trust and the power of what they wanted to accomplish together, what they wanted their performances to SAY to their audiences.

When they decided to part ways, they went the most extreme route they could possibly go and reached out to the Chinese government to request access to walking the Great Wall of China. After months of waiting from the Chinese government, they finally were allowed to begin their walk...one from each side...it took them both almost 3 months of walking through treacherous terrain only to meet in the middle and shake hands and part ways...never to speak or see each other again.

This was in 1988.

Very poetic, if you ask me.

Very over the top.

Very romantic even until the very end.

But also extremely sad. 

To never see each other again. Never to speak. Never to share art like they had shared again.

In 2010, Abramovic created an art installation at the MOMA in New York City called "The Artist is Present" where she sat across form her guests in silence and looked them directly in the eyes and shared deep moments of connection with each of them. Watch what happened when Ulay reappeared for her opening night...

Wasn't that amazingly beautiful?

Performance Art unit lesson plan...more than I thought...

So we come back from Christmas break and as teachers, you KNOW those kids are just not going to be ready to be back and get fully into the swing of things. I decided to create a tiny unit lesson on performance art to help them get back on track. I did not even imagine the capacity as to the depths they would go to experience this unit of study. It became very personal for a  lot of them and for that I am extremely grateful

I decided to share with them a few videos on the works of Marina Abramovic, the grandmother of performance art. For those of you who don't know what performance art is...it is a theatrical performance centered around a theme or a concept or an idea. Not always clear to the viewers, but powerful none the less. Viewers are more apt to leave a performance scratching their heads and wondering what the heck they had just seen and be thinking about it for weeks sometimes months to come.

Ms. Abramovic has done some very thought provoking, deeply spiritual, very human, very powerful installations of her art in her 40 years of performing, ranging from creating 12 years of artistic performances with her then lover Ulay, one was taking hold of a bow and arrow and leaning away from him, while the arrow aims right at her heart...

to sitting in front of a table filled with 76 items, that could be used to bring pleasure or to bring pain....ranging from a glass of water, a rose, a razor blade, a gun with one bullet in it. She speaks of this one in the interview above and it absolutely blew my kids' minds...the strong example of trust she had to exemplify during those six long hours...trusting that folks you did not even know would do the right thing...

One of her most recent exhibits at the MOMA in New York City was in 2010 where she sat at an empty table and an empty chair and guests were encouraged to sit across from her and she would look into their eyes and share a silent moment...it was called "The Artist is Present"

POWERFUL!

I set up a workshop just on this performance alone and asked the students to just sit across form each other in a double circle formation and look into the other's eyes for a longish period of time with music playing...don't speak...just take in what you see and experience...the amount of awkwardness and terrific depth they experienced was really a neat experience...

We then spent time creating art pieces that exemplified who we truly were...the art had to have 6 aspects to its conception...

#1: Your name, creatively displayed

#2: Your favorite type of art

#3: One word that described you

#4: One word that was your goal for 2016

#5: Your life's motto

#6 Something that you considered SACRED displayed on the art piece. Something you would be devastated to lose.

It is the last one that really gets the kids invested into the creation of the art piece and allows it to become extremely personal. We then have our circle time in class and everyone shares...mind you...these kids feel VERY comfortable with each other and know they can trust each other with their secrets...a great amount of time is spent in discussion about this and building trust throughout the year...

We then watched more Abramovic interviews and discuss what it means to trust someone or something so explicitly...her performance exemplify such a great amount of trust.

I then turned to the kids and said..."OK, we are now going to draw names. The name you draw is the art piece you will take home over the weekend and you will put your own spin on it and bring it back to share on Monday with the artist and the class. The artist has to TRUST that the other soul will not deface their prized possession."

I was not prepared for the amount of thoughtfulness, the tender tears, the sweet smiles and the wonderful outpouring of awesomeness that came back after the weekend...here were a few examples:

• One girl had mentioned her most prized possession was her first surf board, but she no longer owned it any more. So the new artist went home and created a new surf board out of plaster-of- paris and tore up the art work and glued it all to the new board...the girl LOVED IT.
• One student mentioned that her prized possession was her grandmother's book of "I Hope You Dance" she gave to her when she was little...the student took her art work and refolded it into the form of a flip top box and when you opened the top, out popped a ballerina...for you see if was created into one of those old music boxes...
• One student had mentioned that she was battling depression and sadness...the other student took her art and created a beautiful crown for her to wear, with all of the special elements coming out of the top of the crown and told her how powerful and beautiful she was.
• One student's art had lots of negative comments on it and the other artist crossed out the words and wrote "Beauty", "Special", "Perfect" over the negative connotations. She then highlighted the positive aspects with lots of color to make the positive aspects POP off the page.
• One student shared that she had had a locket with her father's ashes in it that was stolen from their house. She had drawn the locket on the art project. The other artist took her color and made the locket POP more off the page and wrote the words she thought her Daddy would be saying to her right now on the art piece..."I am so proud of you!" "I am so proud of the young woman you have become" Not a dry eye in the classroom...

SUCH A POWERFUL  DEEPLY MOVING EXPERIENCE!!!!

Here are photos of the student's art pieces!! I thought you would all enjoy!

Never give up...

I love this...

My ongoing resolution...
To love fully.
To love as deeply as I can.
To love everyone where they are at...

To continue to work on me...
To continue to look forward and love the avenue I am currently on...

To grow.
To breathe.
To love.
To bloom.
To keep journeying on...

Just gonna leave this here...

in your own Grace...

I love what this song says so much...

It is called "In Your Own Grace" by Carrie Manolakos.

The satisfaction of  knowing they are who they say they are...

Fragile are the people...afraid to break....

When I see you crying

I know how much there is at stake...

What are you afraid of?

Knowing what your made of...

Know that you are who you say you are...

Will you stand in your own grace?

Embrace your balance light...don't let it fade

Give up the constant fight of being anything less than great...

(YES)

Know that I am here...

I will be there for your biggest fears...

So much is in you...that needs to breathe

So much is in you...that you can't even see...

We cannot wait for you to stand in your own GRACE.

It just speaks to me SOOOOOOOO deeply....

There is so much in each of us...just waiting to come to light...

The strength each one of us has within us.

The grace we have yet to share...

Can you imagine what this world would be like if we all treated each other with the same grace we were granted. The world would be a kinder, gentler, place...not filled with hatred and of fear and of doubt...Grace would put the TRUMPS in their place and bring forth a sense of peace and not lock everyone out...

Are we willing to stand in our own light and to embrace what we each have inside of us? Shed the awkwardness and gawkiness and the separatist nature of our society and just spread those arms and just breathe in the beauty of this moment...this time...and allow yourself to feel who you are and be willing to be honest and share it with those around you....free from fear...free from restriction....and just stand in your own GRACE?

Can I get an Amen?

Move on through your day my friends...in grace...

This makes me laugh...

This makes me laugh...
Picture a young director just fresh out of graduate school. He is brought in to help save an outdoor summer theatre program in his hometown and bring a production to fruition. The former director was let go for not following through on what he had promised... This current director double casts a show that would only allow 14 people in the original cast to expand it to the size the Board wanted...

Jump ahead to bringing the large cast to the outdoor amplitheatre and here's a director who suddenly realized he forgot his bullhorn to be able to communicate to the cast from the back of the amplitheatre.

Picture this bean-pole director coming down to the cast and one of his students, a lumberjack of a football player in wrestler mode, grabbing said director around the waist and lifting him off the ground, hug style,  and yelling out,

"HEY!" to no avail...

"HEY!!!!!!!" still to no avail...

"HEY!!!!!!!!!! 
SHUT YOUR STINKIN' PIE HOLES!" 

and silence...

Thank you, Wesley, for helping me remember that there is peace in that phrase...
And to not forget your bullhorn for the important rehearsals outdoors...

And kinda makes me want one of these for my classroom...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


You can now go about your day...

Letting go is so much work...but a neccessity

allowing those moments to wash over you...
don't deny them or ignore them...
just let them be and happen and embrace them passionately...
to struggle and deny and ignore is just plain tiring...
Surely there is a higher power that helps and guides and one just has to find the moments of silences to hear the voice from within...

2015 had so much extra hurdles...extra baggage...extra events I was not fully prepared for...

There are even times when you cannot control everything. As much as you would like to...

However...you cannot carry so much baggage with you at times....if you carry everything with you on this road of life....that is just plain exhausting...you got to let folks in and ask for help...don't be afraid to ask for help and to work your way through this luggage...and remember, Louis Vitton luggage is just a fancier package folks...deny that it's luggage but it's still baggage...and you have to work your way through it and find the strength to move forward and through it all...leaving as much of the baggage you can behind...emerging stronger and more truer to yourself, your beliefs, and to those around you.

Mom said it best...The highlight of 2015 was Justin's and my wedding. Everything centered around that event was filled with love, joy, and happiness...It was a beautiful day surrounded by family and friends and we are so blessed to have been given this day, this moment, this event...

but then, it seems, 2015 went down from there...

Tiff's death...and all that encapsulates...still struggling to find some peace in this...

The expansion of Mom's cancer...for those who do not know...we are now dealing with the spread of breast cancer into various places all over her body and we are now aggressively pursuing chemo and what that all encapsulates. Many difficult discussions have come from this and for those I am oddly grateful...I can feel myself losing more and more of my filter, losing more and more of my childish ways and growing into a stronger adult version of myself...becoming even more and more protective of my Mom and of her legacy to our family and to those around her...encouraging her to take hold of her own life and make it a party...every moment...

Even the scary, saddening, angry moments...making them into a shift of emotions...where losing your hair could be very sad...we are looking at it as a party...Cut your own damn hair off and say, "Fuck this...I am in control of this...and then go out and put that HOT PINK BOB on and stick that middle finger up to cancer and just revel in your own power."

it is scary as hell...but also showcases that you do have power over some situations even more than you may think you do at times...it is so easy to feel powerless during these difficult times....so when you can make the shift to taking power of what you can control...take these moments for what they are and relish in them.

This is where I think prayer and reaching out to others is very important.
This is something you cannot go through alone...and shouldn't have to...
Letting go of what you can so that you don't tire yourself out.
Heal.
Grow.
Move forward.
Support each other in the process...

New mantra...

Happiness is the joy 

you feel working towards 

your potential.

Joy makes us want to invest more in those around us. 

Making things more manageable. 

More adventurous. 

More full.

I find that when I am truly invested in a common goal I BELIEVE in, I am happier. I feel better. I feel fuller...

But when I am not appreciated, when I am not supported, or when I am treated as a lesser and not valued, it is then that I move away from common goals, detach, and just opt to stay in survival mode until change can come.

Former Resolution Reminders...

From 2014:

"I love being horribly straight-forward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people you love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist.
I love saying, "Kiss me harder" and "You're a good person" and "You brighten my day."
I live my life as straight-forward as possible.
Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.
Maybe its weird.
Maybe its scary.
Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be.
To just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouths or your heart in they hands.
But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.
And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.
We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not in control as we think we are.
We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.
We never know when the bus is coming."

~Rachel C. Lewis

from "Tell the People You Love That You Love Them"

These words dig deep.
These words ring true to my heart at this very moment.
Living life as FULLY and being open to each and every moment.
Just BE fully present and open to each new experience.
Beautiful written.
Powerful words.
Raw thoughts.
Loved this so much.

From 2013:

 I found the following verses on a website I enjoy. I think that these will be my resolutions for next year:

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books - especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.
John Wooden

A sweet, dear friend posted this on Facebook today and I absolutely love this...I think this shall be a resolution as well. It is from the book of Colossians and has really struck a chord with me...

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it."

This became Justin's and my wedding Bible Verse for our wedding ceremony last summer...I think it is important and valuable and a true compass on how to live our lives...

There is a value in looking back and seeing what you have accomplished and set out to accomplish. There is value in setting reasonable, attainable goals for the future and not placing too much craziness and strength on something you don't acheive....you just keep it in your sights, try not to get too hard on yourself...and keep moving forward...

Journey on friends...2016 waits with adventures beyond your imagination...Let's be ready for whatever it throws our way...

Assessing the full breadth of skill sets...

Assessing your life and trying to put it into a nutshell is difficult. We each bring so many different strengths and weaknesses to the table. Trying to sell others on these attributes is a challenge at times. Especially when they do not know you or are making assumptions as to what they think they see in you, know about you, or have heard about you. Many question life choices made and place labels on these folks as one thing...never once asking why these choices were made and followed. It is truly sad but is also common place at times. SOOOO many folks look at my life choices and begin to place question on them, never once asking the true rhyme or reason as to why this is the way it is...Folks have questioned my jump from project to project when I was younger, many tried to assign a level of dedication to it...or a lack thereof...not even asking the true reasons for the piling on of projects...and it is not for me to get into or justify their questioning as it is not their life to lead....yet it sometimes becomes their views that place the definitions of next steps at times...which is sad.

There are times when you look back on avenues you pursued and assess them as a negative....but should you do so? There are so many reasons God leads you on the path he has sent you on. Some steps are easier to see and account for...some not so easy and actually is harder to decipher the whys and hows.

An example:
I look back on my short time in New York City as a positive occurrence on many levels, but it was not always so. Moving back to Omaha after not completing my adventure there with The Actor's Studio School of Drama was a huge let down on many levels...but looking back now, I see fear of the unknown, fear of what was to come with my family and our nation, and a general dissatisfaction with what I had witnessed there, both in school and in Broadway in general and felt like I had worked with more dedicated, more talented, more passionate people back in Omaha than what I was witnessing on the NYC stage and in our classrooms. I was disappointed in this revelation...and was not going to spend 60,000 dollars to get to the end of a process and still possibly have this thought process...Plus with Dad's military activation pending, this was not going to be an option...when fear is placed in the mix...Fear alone is an entire other therapy journey...

However, now being 15 years away from it all, I look back on all of this as a positive moment in my life...the connections and friends I made during this time have maintained and have grown. I also have been able to incorporate what I learned in the classrooms and saw in those theatres as a positive aspect of my workshops, instruction, and theatre direction. I learned more about myself during this time as well. I learned about the power of being in the moment. The power of my own strength to deal with adverse situations. The power of my own heart to pursue dreams and to bounce back from this hurdle.These are things I would not have been able to verbalize upon coming back to Omaha...it takes time and assessment and contemplation.

What I encourage you to do is to not get yourself down if life throws a curve at you. If you are immersed in negativity and looking at your life through grey goggles and don't have a brighter hot pink version...be kinder to yourself...be gentler with yourself...and know that with the passage of time...you will begin to see why these events were placed there...why you were put in those circumstances and how you reacted...though sometimes not positively...will begin to show you what you need to see and what you truly should have learned from it all....it is so hard to logistically see this when you are fully immersed in it all at the time....but a little time away does wonders.

And for crying out loud, stop judging others or making assumptions as to what path their life course took...or what their choices appear to be to you...ASK them. Don't assume. ASK. LEARN. ENLIGHTEN YOURSELF and stop being petty. It is not your journey...it is theirs. It is their life to live...you have your own life to lead and course to chart.

Continue breathing friends...

Intelligent leaps of faith...

All my life I have gone by the motto of "Leap and the net will follow" but as the years roll on, it is getting increasingly and increasingly more difficult to buy into this motto anymore with gusto.
Perhaps it is trust, perhaps it is an absence of faith, perhaps it is moments of self-doubt. Whatever it is, I find that what I now invest in are more "intelligent leaps of faith".

It used to be that I was more spontaneous. There was many a night in college and beyond that I would leap at a road-trip, or to do something out of the ordinary. Staying up at all hours of the night, visiting, laughing, sharing hopes and dreams on the grass under the stars with friends. I want a little more of that back, purdy please?

Don't let it fool ya kids...there are times when adulthood SUCKS... Ha ha ha ha ha. All of life's responsibilities, the payments, the mortgages, the growing pains. So many times I hear from my returning students that being an adult is hard and all I can say is YEP. And yet, there are also things I wouldn't change ONE IOTA for. I would never want to go back to the gawkiness, the trying to figure out the way on my life's path, uneasiness of the future, wondering where that life will take me and what adventures I will experience...oh wait...that's now.

I am also finding that these days, many of my friends entering into their mid 40's are going through the exact sort of questioning period of their lives...is this where I want to be, what I want to be doing, where I should be going, what I wanted for my life and did I achieve it or do I have yet to reach this goal...Many are looking at their 40's and are having to deal and work their way through HUGE life challenges and I begin to ask myself, "Is this what the true mid-life crisis really is?"

I firmly believe that every moment, every adventure, every challenge, every hurdle is there for a reason. I think the mind shift from spontaneity to a more solid way of looking at things is important. Taking every hurdle ahead as a moment to stop, reassess, take in and work your way through every aspect of the "what-ifs" and "for-sures" is important and vital to moving forward.

I am where I am today because of my life's journey and what I have learned along the way. Every combo of each hurdle and life lesson is important. Many have opinions, many stick their noses in when it is not required, many have voiced these opinions coming from a place of what they would do...sometimes when they haven't been asked. I look at where I am, not as a negative, but as a positive and look forward with great eye-opening vision of what I have learned and could bring to other tables.

2016 is proving to be an exciting adventure. No one knows what the future holds or what is around that proverbial corner. But I do know that I will be looking at everything under a microscope and moving forward to the next adventure with a more solid firm grasp of who I am and what I want to be. And for that I am grateful.
For that I am thankful and in awe.
For that I am pumped and energized and forward thinking without hesitation and trepidation.

I am leaping thoughtfully!