Assessing your life and trying to put it into a nutshell is difficult. We each bring so many different strengths and weaknesses to the table. Trying to sell others on these attributes is a challenge at times. Especially when they do not know you or are making assumptions as to what they think they see in you, know about you, or have heard about you. Many question life choices made and place labels on these folks as one thing...never once asking why these choices were made and followed. It is truly sad but is also common place at times. SOOOO many folks look at my life choices and begin to place question on them, never once asking the true rhyme or reason as to why this is the way it is...Folks have questioned my jump from project to project when I was younger, many tried to assign a level of dedication to it...or a lack thereof...not even asking the true reasons for the piling on of projects...and it is not for me to get into or justify their questioning as it is not their life to lead....yet it sometimes becomes their views that place the definitions of next steps at times...which is sad.
There are times when you look back on avenues you pursued and assess them as a negative....but should you do so? There are so many reasons God leads you on the path he has sent you on. Some steps are easier to see and account for...some not so easy and actually is harder to decipher the whys and hows.
An example:
I look back on my short time in New York City as a positive occurrence on many levels, but it was not always so. Moving back to Omaha after not completing my adventure there with The Actor's Studio School of Drama was a huge let down on many levels...but looking back now, I see fear of the unknown, fear of what was to come with my family and our nation, and a general dissatisfaction with what I had witnessed there, both in school and in Broadway in general and felt like I had worked with more dedicated, more talented, more passionate people back in Omaha than what I was witnessing on the NYC stage and in our classrooms. I was disappointed in this revelation...and was not going to spend 60,000 dollars to get to the end of a process and still possibly have this thought process...Plus with Dad's military activation pending, this was not going to be an option...when fear is placed in the mix...Fear alone is an entire other therapy journey...
However, now being 15 years away from it all, I look back on all of this as a positive moment in my life...the connections and friends I made during this time have maintained and have grown. I also have been able to incorporate what I learned in the classrooms and saw in those theatres as a positive aspect of my workshops, instruction, and theatre direction. I learned more about myself during this time as well. I learned about the power of being in the moment. The power of my own strength to deal with adverse situations. The power of my own heart to pursue dreams and to bounce back from this hurdle.These are things I would not have been able to verbalize upon coming back to Omaha...it takes time and assessment and contemplation.
What I encourage you to do is to not get yourself down if life throws a curve at you. If you are immersed in negativity and looking at your life through grey goggles and don't have a brighter hot pink version...be kinder to yourself...be gentler with yourself...and know that with the passage of time...you will begin to see why these events were placed there...why you were put in those circumstances and how you reacted...though sometimes not positively...will begin to show you what you need to see and what you truly should have learned from it all....it is so hard to logistically see this when you are fully immersed in it all at the time....but a little time away does wonders.
And for crying out loud, stop judging others or making assumptions as to what path their life course took...or what their choices appear to be to you...ASK them. Don't assume. ASK. LEARN. ENLIGHTEN YOURSELF and stop being petty. It is not your journey...it is theirs. It is their life to live...you have your own life to lead and course to chart.
Continue breathing friends...
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