Resolutions 2013

Every year, Justin and I send out a Christmas letter. It is a chance to look back over the passed year and reflect on all of the adventures our lives have experienced, both the good and the bad. Sometimes it almost feels like torture to create... sometimes it is the easiest thing and editing becomes a must to keep it to the two page update.
 

This year's letter appears to have been all about life's blessings for we truly have been blessed this year. From adventures to ND, visiting friends in Omaha, a wonderful visit with Justin's parents this summer. Becoming Godfathers to a wonderful little boy whose name is Cash. Throwing a retirement party for my Mom. Adventures with school always abound both for Justin and myself. Christmas Carol for the fall play. A 4.0 GPA that continues. Mom's newest bout with cancer but a terrific diagnosis and treatment regimine.

 

We truly are blessed.

 

I found the following verses on a website I enjoy. I think that these will be my resolutions for next year.

 

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

 

Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books - especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day.
John Wooden

A sweet, dear friend posted this on Facebook today and I absolutely love this...I think this shall be a resolution as well. It is from the book of Colossians and has really struck a chord with me...

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

I love this very much.

 

Happy 2013 sweet friends.

Wishing you a year ahead filled with light, peace, prosperity, and above all

LOVE

Come from Love, Not from Fear

So the other night, I am watching Project Runway All-Stars. Yes this is one of my vices. I love this show very much for so many reasons. The creativity, the competition, the challenges...Not so much liking the All-Stars season...but that is for another time.

One of the challenges they usually have is their ready-to-wear challenge. One of the cool aspects of the All-Stars version was that they had to make a ready-to wear outfit that would fit into a designer's collection. The designer they selected was Elie Tahari. I had not heard of him for quite some time. Perhaps had walked passed his collection on Fifth Avenue in NYC, but had not really given him any extra thought.Elie Tahari is an Israeli-American luxury fashion designer of men and women's clothing  The competitors got the chance to design in his store, go downstairs to select fabric from his collections, and then  find out if the design would be budget essential.

One of the coolest things about this challenge was the fact that Tahari would also serve as a mentor as we ll as one of the final judges. Here's where it gets good.

One of the contestants was really questioning their choices. They were really struggling. Tahari came in with Joanna Coles, editor for Cosmopolitan Magazine and Tim Gunn wannabee, to consult the competitors. Tahari offered some amazing advice. He told the competitor, " You have got to come at this project from Love and not from Fear!"

How true! Can you imagine how much we could accomplish if this were the focus of us all? How many times have we left projects or adventures behind all because we were afraid of different issues...whether it is fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of looking stupid, or second guessing yourself and your choices.

It is my hope that we all can learn from Mr. Tahari's wonderful advice.

It's very rare...

that I remember my dreams...

I very rarely remember dreams. But when I do, they are vivid and visceral.

I am standing on a stage. I do not know what I am doing there. Cannot see myself. Cannot see what I am wearing. It is dark except for the spotlight that is on me. I can sense that the house is packed all the way up to the upper balcony...

Radio City Music Hall? Carnegie? Not specific.

I am singing and have been performing for quite some time...

For some reason, I am performing the song, "So In Love" from Cole Porter's Kiss Me Kate. I repeat the phrase, " So In Love" three times, each time getting higher, louder, and longer, and remember feeling absolutely exhilarated. The orchestra swells as I hold the last note.

The cutoff...

And thunderous applause...

So loud I wake up...

I really love and hate those dreams...

I know it is something I will only acheive in my dreams....

And I am ok with that...

The view from here...

Looking back over the fall semester...I am just in awe at everything we accomplished. I am exhausted and have learned more about myself than ever.

I see myself in a different way, finding myself at a crossroads, a moment of reflection. I look back and must remember that when I am in the middle of a respit during the summer, what looks good on a schedule paper, must also be manageable in my own schedule.

Back in July, I began to look at the fall schedule and saw that there were so many wonderful possibilities. In regards to Competitive Speech, I was so excited that I was going to be able to take the team to four tournaments!! We have NEVER been able to do that in past years, so for this opportunity I was super excited to be able to take the kids to four competition venues and get North Little Rock's name out there.

We also tackled a HUGE performance this year. We agreed to tackle the beast known as A Christmas Carol and because of the theme of the show and the time of year, it was felt that it would be most successful at a later time of the semester, in the month of December, rather than the originial beginning of November. This placement looked so good on paper.

We also have our own speech tournament thrown in there for good measure. It is always the end of November, right after the Thanksgiving weekend. So with all of that in there...I was kept running from top to bottom, beginning to end.

What I was not prepared for was having to juggle so much from my own schedule. I felt on my own in so many ways. I look back it now as a growing moment.

I need to be so careful. I cannot push myself to the point of exhaustion as I had this fall. I absolutely remember being able to do this schedule, to be able to rock it out, when I was younger and more youthful. This was the time when I was trying to get a name for myself. I would push

However, there are so many more things pulling my time and focus that I juggle in my life, that this time around was extremely overwhelming. I am sitting here post Christmas and having rested a bit and keep thinking, "When the summer schedule ideas get thrown out there and looked at on paper, do a better, more refined way of scheduling. Be more respectful to my own life so that I am not spread so thin. This semester almost killed me. I went to every tournament on top of running every rehearsal." That was the nature of the beast.

And it was exhausting...I think what was most discouraging was that because of the schedule, the kids suffered...maybe not necessarily all of my students, but I feel like maybe some of my students fell through the cracks because I was too focused on the production, too focused on the tournaments. I let many thinkgs fall through the cracks that were so important to me in the prior school years. Things I should reshift and get back on track for the Spring.

But what was also inspiring was how many faculty came to my aid. When the warning flares came up, when everything turned overwhelming, every little thing that pushed me over the edge, I am so honored and overwhelmed at how many folks came to my aid. I am reminded of William Benjamin Basil King quote, "Be Bold and Mighty forces will come to your aid." He was a clergyman who became a writer after retiring from the clergy due to loss of eyesight and thyroid disease. It speaks of courage and making bold choices. I love that.  But on the flip side, I am grateful for the love and support I received when I needed it the most as it was definitely overwhelming and am glad to be on this side of it all.

One of those sweet moments...

Have had a much needed break from school and the rat-race. Had to schedule one of those life-changing moments for our "puppy" Emmy. She went in on Thursday to be spayed, or as I put it, "Have her Boogina cut out". She was also micro-chipped, got her last round of shots and had her toe-nails clipped, all while being in a deep sleep. Not even the hot pink toe nail polish she was given could help outweigh the pain she was in.

Thursday eve was a rough one. One of those drooling out of both sides of her mouth, thinking her paw was broken, drunk drunk DRUNK off her tail.

We are standing in the lobby getting ready to pay and the vet brings her out to us. The vet gives her to Justin and  begins to give us instructions on what to look for the next 72 hours. Emmy looks over at me and lays her paw on my shoulder as if to say, "Hey, I know you."

Heart melted...

And down for the count...

In it for the long haul...

I MISS BOB BARKER!!!

Hello.
My name is Annelle Boufay and I have hijacked Branden's blog. He left his computer laptop thingy open and I thought I would put my own werds down here.
I have known Branden fer about 10 years. I stopped in fer his one man singy show back in 2002 on my way from Huntsville, Alabama on my way to stardom in Television City. I hopped in my 1974 avacado green Ford LTD named Lou-Ester and put my Tanya Tucker 8-track and hit the road. I had decided I was gunna drive cross country and try out fer The Price Is Right in the hopes of meeting my one true love, Bob Barker.

It has always been a dream of mine to be a Barker Beauty. I have dreamt of so many ways for him to use that microphone thingy of his. I just want to get down to Contestant's Row and win my Price-in-Game, get me up on stage, and be able to stick my hand into that coat pocket a his and wisper sweet nothings in his ear.
Course, nowadays there have been so many changes on the Price is Right. Drew whats his name has stolen the show from my one true love and then I see that this has heppend.

I cannot believe they have allowed MEN to be the next beauties. I mean come on, they are purdy to look at, but when it comes to jobs, women do a better job of showing things and turning letters and flipping cards. We are purdier. I mean look at him...

So skinny and boney and that name tag on his chest just put there held up by all the chest hair underneath there. I mean can you imagine ripping that off? I perfer my mens to be chubby goodness with some love in em handles. My husband Bobby Lee Boufay loves me when we sit up on the plastic covered couch and eat our Cheezits and watch reruns of Saved By the Bell...Poor Tiffany Amber Theisen...to be dating Zack and loving Slater...

Yeah, I gotta thumbs up for you, Mr. Barker Beauty...Your days are numbered. I am onto you...taking jobs away from the ones who can do it right...Flipping those cards and perfectly framing those cars with those hand movements...I gott'em down and could give you a run fer your money.

well my squirrell cassarole is dingin at me. gotta go...

Don't tell Brandon bout this...I may try and get back on here again...maybe soon!!! Ya never know...

The high tech Haunted House

Around this time of year, thoughts mold to good ghost stories...

When I was in high school, I used to love this time of year. I used to get together with my friends John and Jared and we would create haunted houses in our basements. We even went as far as creating one with a HUGE graveyard and bags and bags and bags of crunchy leaves poured on the floor so the dead bodies (today's zombies) could crawl out of their grave sites. We created a mirror room, using a black light, where a face would appear in the glass and summon all the demons of hell to come and drag you away. All handmade, all amateur, all fun and a good time with best friends.

I moved on to college and the haunted houses turned to discussions of living in the South and the ghosts that haunt the mansions down here. There was stories of the home where at the right time of day, you hear the footsteps come down the stairs, come into the room, the bench of the piano moves out and the piano begins to play on its own. It is the story of a young girl who died in the house who used to play it and continues to do so to this day. Or the blue floating light on the railroad tracks that hovers a few feet into the air and looks like the lantern of a trainman who is searching along the tracks.

As an adult, I have found that I do not enjoy going through haunted houses this time of year anymore. I don't enjoy the idea of people, dressed and covered in blood, reaching out and touching or grabbing me...and blood these days...notsomuch.

What does floor me is the discussion I just heard on the satellite radio concerning today's haunted houses. The gentleman began the discussion about his haunted house that he has created this year. They begin prepping for the set up in MARCH, and begin to build the pieces in July, with move-in around the beginning of September. SEERIOUSLY???? Each room this year has a different well-known serial killer in it, ranging from well known killers like John Wayne Gacy and Dahmer to an unknown murderer who murdered 300 female virgins??? Ok Creepy factor times 100.

Gets worse from there...
Seems there are haunted houses in the US where you check in at home online. Seems once you buy a ticket, they send you a bracelet that you register. Seems that once you check-in at the haunted house, they are so high tech that when you enter certain rooms the computers in the room scan your bracelet and everything in the house customizes to you personally. For example, all the gravestones automatically change the names to family members found on your Facebook page. The pictures in the house become those of your closest friends on your Twitter account. And the CREEPY factor goes up even more times 1000.

I much prefer the safety of my own home, where I can clutch my pillow and be protected. Where I can watch my Ghost Hunters in peace and be mesmerized by the tiny little music box playing on its own...so yes I do believe in ghosts and presences...and believe that we are surrounded by presence all the time...and I feel great solace in this...truthfully...until they begin to move things without explanation and then we MOVE!! :)

What is your ghost stories??

The beginning of the CAROL adventure

As you have deduced, I have been involved in the beginning of my school year. Quickly stated...really great kids, lots to do, and the schedule just keeps getting crazier. You know the routine, I am sure.

One of the exciting adventures for this semester is our fall play. Well not really a fall play, perse, but a holiday play. We are attempting to put on Dickens' A Christmas Carol. I spent the last two years putting the script together, looking through various scripts from around the country, rereading the book, gathering music that I loved from the many many many traditional Christmas carols, and coming up with a script that would work with our own kids.

We have been through read-throughs, sharing the adventure with our students, and to say they are excited is beyond the point. They are so excited about using a British accent, about the feeling of the piece, and the kids even brought it to their auditions. We had originally created the piece so that it would be a cast of 25, with 17 of those roles triple/quadrupled cast to play many roles. The problem was that as we got through our auditions and headed into callbacks, we found that there were many kids who would rock out different roles. So we expanded to 31 and spread out the casting love.

The excitement has spread to my other classes as well. After our read through, I searched through various study guides to see what types of projects were available for us to use. There were so many wonderful ideas to get the students motivated. Many of my students had no problem deciding which projects they wanted to do...ranging from creating a Victorian Christmas Cookbook, complete with recipes and food history, to creating a movie trailer of a modern version of the piece, utilizing all of the characters. Students also selected Christmases from around the world and how they differ from ours, making sure to include the traditions of the Victorian time period. They could also do a presentation on various Christmas traditions that we know today and research their history and how they came to be.  I even included a music option as well, where students could create themed music representing each of the characters within the play. The student who selected this project ROCKED IT OUT OF THE HOUSE and we may be able to use this within the show...

We had our first read through last week and the excitement that filled my classroom was BEYOND. It is my hope that that excitement extends throughout the entire semester to our performances in December. We are working to find various charities to extend the Christmas Spirit towards, whether it is through monetary donation or through foodbank work. The kids are even knitting scarves, hats, and mittens in my class to use for set decoration that we will be able to donate after the production is complete...

A wonderful project for our semester to be sure...and one I am super excited about.

What the heck is happening with today's...

What the heck is happening with today's TV? Perhaps it is Summer TV that sucks or perhaps it is the nature of today's "Real TV" society? I am not sure...

So one night Justin and I are flipping through the channels, trying to find something to watch for the evening. We come across a show called "Strange Sex" and are intrigued not by the title (get your heads out of the gutters) but because of one of the life stories they were presenting.

This poor guy lives out in Vegas and woke up one early morning with a sharp pain in his scrotum. It quickly subsided and he went back to sleep. He woke up the next morning and his testicle had swolen to like the size of a lime. It continued to swell and swell and swell. He went into the doctor and the prognosis was not good. There would be no way to operate on this as he would probably bleed out. He was doomed to live with this for the rest of his life.

Today's lifestyle for this man is now having to take a sweatshirt and put his legs into the arm holes, safety pin the neck shut, and walks down the street in makeshift Hammer pants. His testicle has exploded to the size of larger than three watermelons and will continue to grow to the weight of 300 pounds by 2014.

HOLY HECK I just wanted to curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth!! My heart went out to him as he did not ask for this pain and occurrence. And then I thought...

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!!!????

and what follows this wail is usually...

IS THIS ON TV and WHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

am I watching this train wreck of a show??

And then, while watching, a preview for the up and coming series "Here comes Honey BOo BOO" come on the TV, I honestly can say...Ok, we got  problem. How is it that all trainwreck TV is what pulls people in.

Summer TV you disgust me... And yet I watch...and shake my head...and think...perhaps I need to go get some Hagen Daz...Rum Raisin makes everything more manageable.

Ghost Squatter

So as many of you may know, we have a new member to our household...and we are in the mode of teething and learning what the process is of peeing and pooping outside. (Sorry to be graphic) Our miniature Schnauzer is doing really really well! She is learning so much.

She has already learned to fetch and bring back her ball, or her squeaky pink dragon, whichever is the toy of choice. She seems to not want to let it go once she has brought it back to you...but that will come in time.

She has learned that the bathroom is outside. She even scratches at the door when she needs to go out. I think that that is a HUGE accomplishment at the tender age of 14 weeks. She has even learned to climb the back step to get back inside but that came with her growth spurt and the fact that she was a mere 2 lbs, when we first got her, and she is now pushing 6.

She has even learned what she can and cannot do with specific Daddies. She knows she cannot get away with anything with Justin, yet it seems that she pushes the cute factor with me and then proceeds to break the rules. Is this the vision of things to come when children enter the picture?? Heaven help me...

It seems that she has what I call a "cute" pose. She scratches at the door, signalling that she needs to go outside to use the potty. When I let her outside, she heads out faithfully into the grass and proceeds to assume the squatting position, we dog owners know so well...only with Emmy, it is a hit or miss kinda thing. She always squats and looks shyly over her shoulder up into my eyes with those deep loving eyes saying, "I am so cute. You love me, don'tcha?" You know the look...

Only it seems that this is a ghost squat as there is no real peeing going on. And she proceeds to go and do this around the yard...where it is hit or miss as to whether or not she will pee or not, always looking to see where her master for the day is sitting, whether or not he is watching her cuteness pounce around the yard, and watching her pee dance. When said master thinks surely she must be done, we decide it is cute to walk back and forth between said master's feet, weaving in and out, and missing a crunch of bones within inches of her life. We get back into the house and receive a treat for said pee dance and get put down on the floor with her pink dragon, sock monkey, chew toys, and pillow bed...a plethora of amazing toys to play with...

What seems like 1 minute later, said master hears a scratch at the door, signalling yet another need to go to the bathroom. Said master gets testy when this dance continues for a half an hour, off and on scratches, and then said master says, " Heck with that...surely it is going to need to be once every hour..." and ignores said scratch.

WRONG choice on behalf of said master as Emmy decides to leave huge pool of piss at the door....
(at least it is on the linoleum now)...

When will silly Master learn the art of the ghost squat and the missing pee?

We wait and see my friends, we wait and see...

Rummaging through life's treasures

So this weekend is our rummage sale to get rid of all the clutter in our lives...
And let me just say that it has been so cathartic.

The biggest headache of the entire process has been unboxing all of the "things" we had moved in here from the storage unit almost 10 months ago. Then you gotta make it clean and presentable, price it all, and get tables big enough to display your treasures.

The week of the sale...Hello Craiglist! And signage for the sale and getting up early the day of, and making sure it is well displayed...and be willing to haggle.

We are still in DAY ONE of the sale but we sure have sold ALOT of treasures...Junk on my end...but treasures nonetheless for someone. There were things that Justin kept saying...there is no way in hell that someone is going to buy that and here we are about a third of the way through the first day and it is gone...now if I could just sell that toilet bowl scrubber...we would be in business and I would have pure gloating rights.

Sure I sold some things way under what they should have been...but when you assess the clutter and crap factor and how much you just want a space that is clean and clear of clutter and being able to breathe in it... I sold under and got it out of the way. SO all successful on alot of aspects of it all...
But it is also a cleansing of the spirit and heart too. Really and truthfully, if you have not used this "stuff" in the last five years...when are you? And if you can sell it and get a good price for it and put it towards a project you have coming up on your house or to pay off bills, get rid of it! And a great way to meet the neighbors, that's for sure!

There is somethign to be said about not having all this clutter in one's life. Being selective and not weighing yourself down with "stuff". Being able to come home and breathe and relax and not feel overwhelmed by life's messes is sure a blessing. There is enough stress in our everyday lives, why would you want to come home to the messy, cluttered, cramped, piled to the ceiling situation. (Enter the sound effects from HOARDERS:BURIED ALIVE...Thank you Kathy Griffin)

Thank you for a cleansing every once in awhile...

The Risky Business of Church...

Last night, the church Justin and I have been attending wrapped up it's series: "Sticks and Stones: When God's Word Hurts" Let me just say that I believe that God has put us in the right place at the right time. This series has spoken to the most deepest part of my heart...it touched me greatly, deeply, and last evening's sermon was a great finale to the series. I was so deeply moving and this series answered alot of questions my heart has dealt with for years and years and years...and for the first time in my life I feel like I can put my faith and trust back in God's hands fully and heartfully.

Will asked the United Methodist District Superintendent, Dede Roberts, to come and speak to us about the role women play in the church and the Bible. What has been so intriguing was that the last few weeks have been on topics the Bible demonizes that today's culture has clearly moved on from. I mentioned this before when Will began the series. Yet Dede pulled it all together so wonderfully for me as she not only spoke to all of our feminine members, but also to those of us who are gay.

She spoke of feeling the call to preach when she was very young, at the age of 15. She mentioned, " I felt I needed to keep this quiet because I was not sure what to do with this information" Sounded very familiar? She spoke with numerous people, at the time, including pastor, youth pastor, and mom, who all said the same thing...yes. Yes. YES! Now during this time period, no women were preaching or were allowed to have anything to do with the leadership of the church. She mentioned it to her co- president of the Fellowship of Christian athletes, who IMMEDIATELY began spouting Bible verses that said, "NO woman will hold a position higher than a man." If you have read my blog, you understand my tenseness to these actions. No one feels great to have these Bible verses hurled into your face. With anger. With hatred. With agression.

She went on to say that she realized in that moment that, "I was always going to be a second class citizen, not by a common act, but by how I was created." These words RANG in my head!!! How I was born, made me a minor, a lower class, and would not be able to break from this. Dede went on to say, "We were all created in God's image."

There are so many Bible verses that just cannot be taken word for word any longer because of how society's views have changed. One verse even goes as far as to say that if a man rapes a virgin, his penance is to pay the father of the girl 50 sheckles and has to marry the girl. SERIOUSLY???? This verse, not only ruffles the feathers of today's earthly inhabitants, but also shows how much women were valued many many years ago. There are even Bible verses saying you will go to hell if you eat shrimp!!! WHUH THUH WHUH? Check out GodHatesShrimp.com. LOL!!!!!!!!

All of the speakers of this series then went on to say that they doesn't buy it. The verses cannot always be what God was telling us, even though these verses were written with "Divine Intervention", but also could have been created with the cultural, society views of the time as well. You see, if women were looked at this way during the time of the Bible's writing, society would look the same way on men being feminine behind the bedroom walls.

Dede then went on to say that Paul's writing to the Galations sets the moral code we should follow, "In Christ, everything gets leveled out. The differences don't matter anymore, because the resurrection changed everything. I don't believe these verses can redirect the spirit of God for God is LOVE, plain and simple." And that is the risky business of this church. I believe this very VERY much! God does not create second class citizens. He creates everyone in his own image.

She went on to say, "Not everyone believes this way of thinking. No one knows what God thinks. No one knows what the full truth is, but I will take the risk in order to include as many as I can under the umbrella of God's love and grace." It will extend out wider than Christ's outstretched arms on the cross. She said, " I will stay at the table to make sure that we break down the barriers of slavery, sexuality, and gender, because I believe that that is what God is calling us to do."

Even in her prayer she called to my heart..."Thank you for the oppressors who push us stronger into our faith. We pray for unboundless love while others build walls". If you read my blog post right before this one...was I not just lamenting about this??? I wrote that post yesterday afternoon and then came to church and quieted my heart and this is what pushed through...

I believe in the calling. I believe that if we are just quiet and still, God will come to us, if we are willing to listen.

I am so grateful for this amazing experience and feel lighter and ready!

Time for something new....

I have had enough of all the crap over the last few days...
I have to remind myself that I am only one person...that I can't change the world by myself...
There are two sides to each story...
There are no clean hands on either side of the chicken war...People being ridiculous on both sides.

So now I need to refocus my energies. The cool thing about being a teacher is that you get a chance to reset your resolutions twice every year...New Year's and at the beginning of each school year. I actually lost sleep the other night...maybe got an hour total of sleep when the mind just keeps going over and over everything that has been going on in this world, in my life, in the coming months. This also always happens right before school starts...things to get done, making lists, relooking at what things I want to cover this year, things I need to get done before the first day of school.

I am allowing this ALL to overtake my thoughts on something that I alone cannot change. One of the Facebook posts I saw put it all into focus for me and I need to just remind myself of, oddly enough, the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Beautiful...

Just Beautiful...

I remind myself of the wonderful experience that I just accomplished and the joy that it brought me. The creative outlet it provided and the response has been overwhelming. Cabaret was amazing and so many friends commented that this experience was good for me in so many ways, that it would open many doors for me,and that it would provide new opportunities. My initial response was that I would have to see with all I have to do with school this year, with the Comp Speech team getting bigger, with the fall play once again in my hands, with the Spring Musical being bigger than ever...How could I possibly add anything more of a creative outlet to that schedule?

But then I calmed my thoughts and reminded myself of this... Maybe God put Cabaret there for a taste of possibilites? You have to be open to the possiblities and keep yourself open to what comes your way. You have to keep yourself open to the possibilties \of what this world brings you.

And so THERE IT IS.

My new mantra for the upcoming year.

I am going to keep myself OPEN TO ALL POSSIBILITIES.

Yesterday's whatever you call it....

I don't normally cut and paste things on here but I had had HAD to share after yesterdays HUGE outpouring of whatever you call it...It is from a blog located at http://matthewpaulturner.net/...

I am going to become a follower of this blog for sure...he hit it EXACTLY on the head for me...

5 Reasons Why the Church Failed Yesterday

Posted by Matthew on Thursday, August 2, 2012 · 126 Comments

Thousands and thousands and thousands of people proudly lined up to support Mike Huckabee’s “Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day” yesterday. By all accounts, it was a successful campaign, perhaps one of Huckabee’s most memorable actions, a deed that might warrant etching “#ChickFilA” on his tombstone so future Americans will learn of the greatness that occurred on August 1, 2012.
Many of yesterday’s appreciators were born again Christians, people who, I can only assume, claim to love God, put their trust in Jesus, and have a desire that all people hear and experience the Good News of Christ. That fact alone changes the headline of what happened yesterday.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Chick-Fil-A owners felt loved, made lots of money, and greatly appreciated the somewhat positive press they received all day long. And yes, Mike Huckabee has reason to be proud (dare I say, even cocksure?) of the influence he wields to get Americans to buy chicken. Those CFA cows no doubt love Mike Huckabee!

So good for Chick-Fil-A! And three cheers for Mike Huckabee! And good tidings of great joy to cows everywhere.

Yet, amid all of that CFA-appreciating success, the Church (at least, the part that exists here in America) failed miserably. Every member of the Church isn’t to blame, of course. Many individual churches and denominations played no role whatsoever in promoting yesterday’s Great Chicken Awakening. Some Christians, churches, and denominations even tried to throw a social media wrench into the festivities. Some of those attempts went viral and garnered a great deal of attention. But still, chicken-loving Christians everywhere rallied behind CFA yesterday. The crowds were so big that you might have thought that Chick-Fil-A was giving away free iPads or Cabbage Patch Dolls or freshly fallen manna from Heaven. And while lots of Christians chose not to participate for various reasons, many did and the Church as whole suffered.
Here’s why.

one

Yesterday’s campaign, while I don’t think it should be considered or called “hate,” neither can it be called love. Christians all over America ignored the second greatest commandment: to love our neighbors. Call yesterday what you want, freedom of speech, a rally behind “family values,” a sincere fascination with CFA’s brand of fried poultry… but it cannot be called love. It was not love.

two

People felt hate and we ignored that. At the end of the day, regardless of whether or not your Christian understanding of scripture harbors hate or not, a large group of people felt hated. Again, we can debate this point all day long, but that does not change the fact that people felt hatred because of what happened yesterday. Whether or not hate actually existed is not the point, people felt hated. And rather than acknowledging those feelings or trying to understand or engage them in any way, Christians everywhere marched off to their local CFA like it was a cross to bear, a necessity, a battle cry of some sort, the waffle fry’s last stand.

three

By rallying behind CFA, Christians put an issue above people. And it’s impossible to follow Jesus when issues trump people. Jesus never said “love God, love causes.” That is not the message that gets preached in churches all over America on Sunday mornings. I’ve heard a hundred different explanations from patrons of yesterday’s rally and nearly every one of them gives precedence to “the cause”. We can’t embrace love, mercy, hope, and peace when our causes (or a place of business) trumps people.

four

Once again, the mass actions of Christians built another wall of distrust between the Church and the GLBTQ communities. Nobody was surprised that the CEO of CFA is against gay marriage. Nobody was surprised that Mike Huckabee made the decision to rally support behind CFA. And nobody was surprised that Christians took Huckabee’s words as marching orders, leading the charge with more passion, delight, and Instagram pictures than what we express for so many more important issues facing this country. If Mike Huckabee had declared yesterday “Homeless Appreciation Day,” would the response have been even half as large and loud? Yes, I know; that’s an unfair question. But we’re Christians, so we’re very familiar with the use of unfair questions to make a point.
Once in a while, our culture needs to be surprised by how much we love people–all people. Once in a while, our culture needs to be overwhelmed with joy that we are involved in the greater story. Once in a while, our culture needs to see us being a part of the solution and not the problem. But yesterday? There were no surprises. And no surprises only builds more distrust, not peace, not grace, not hope, and not love.

five

Yesterday’s hoopla surrounding CFA did nothing to prove that Christians don’t hate gay people. Oh I know that most Christians will say, “I don’t hate gay people!!”
But did supporting CFA Appreciation Day prove that?
Trust me, I understand that most people who ate chicken sandwiches at CFA yesterday did not do that as an act of hate. I get that. And that’s cool and all, but did the act of going out of your way to CFA prove that to be true? Do you think that the GLBTQ communities believe you? Would you, if you were gay, believe you?
Now before you answer that, remember that yesterday’s CFA Love Day was just one action in a long line of many. Because let’s face it: Christians go WAY out of their way to “hate the sin”–i.e., by voting against gay marriage, voting against civil unions, voicing their angst about gay people adopting children (just to list a few). Is it possible that Christians lose the ability to truly “love the sinner” because they’re so busy “hating the sin”? Do Christians put anywhere near the energy into “loving the sinner” as they do “hating the sin”?

All I know is that the GLBTQ communities are becoming quite used to feeling unloved by Christians. And with good reason.
How many times do we hear Christians say something like, “I don’t hate gay people. I may not agree with their lifestyle. But I don’t hate them… ”

If you were gay, would you believe that? Think about it. Would you feel loved by somebody if they included rules, context, and/or explanations about your lifestyle every time they spoke about how much they don’t hate you? Only when talking about gay people do Christians feel the need to preface their “love” or “non-hate” with some variation of “I don’t agree with your lifestyle, but…” Christians don’t talk about any other group of people like that–only gay people.

So, I want to believe Christians when they say “I don’t hate gay people.” But sometimes proof of that is necessary. And yesterday did not prove that. Honestly, yesterday proved little more than how shallow Christians can be sometimes.

Not only did supporting CFA Appreciation Day declare that Christians believe that an issue is more important than people, that declaration was made by the mass consumption of junk food. That fact doesn’t need a punch line. It is a punch line.

Yes, on some level, yesterday was successful. I’m sure that today CFA feels really loved. And I’m sure Mike Huckabee feels loved, too. And I’m sure lots of people, many Christians included, feel great pride for supporting the cause. But there’s also a large group of people, good people, people you might disagree with, that today, feel really unloved.

If it’s true that Christians don’t hate gay people, today would be a really good day to prove it.

I don''t think I have to say any more about this fiasco...Matthew has said it all, perfectly, beautifully, and eloquently...Thank YOU, Matthew!!!!

Lining up to support hatred and discrimination?

OK so I am feeling out of the loop...
I may have to put my two cents worth into this Chik-fil-A debate, as much as it sickens me to do so...
.
Today I am driving to school and the traffic was HORRIBLE...backed up for miles. My initial reaction to seeing the lines of people outside of our local Chik-fil-A, and seeing the blocks and blocks and blocks of traffic jams and police cars directing traffic...my initial feeling is like I, among others, have been kicked in the gut. An almost breathless feeling. I then proceeded to remind myself that I truly needed to remember that I placed myself smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt? Why should I be shocked at these actions? Why should I think that I am able to change people's minds when they are not the ones affected by other's actions?

I have Sirius Satelite radio and we listen to OutQ talk radio. If you have not heard of these...very VERY entertaining and very informative on many levels. Michelangelo Signorile holds a talk show in the afternoons on this channel and happened to be holding a debate on this very topic the other day. It seems that the Log Cabin Republicans sent a letter to him stating that their fellow gays were griping, complaining, and becoming drama queens over a chicken sandwich and didn't we have other more valuable areas to place our focus of debate? But if not here, then where?

Years ago, Target was ostracized for donating to a local Congressman's campaign who chose to vote to defeat Minnesota's upcoming marriage equality amendment. After a great amount of negative publicity, Target apologized for their actions and have in turn donated more money to LGBT community functions. I do not see this happening for the Southern-based restaurant chain in question.

For you see, it is not a debate over a chicken sandwich. It is a debate over equality. It is a debate over the idea that we are not second class citizens. It is a debate over the fact that at any time we can be fired for who we love. It is a debate over the fact that in some states, we can be removed from our loved one's hospital rooms and made to sit in the waiting rooms and receive knowledge second hand. It does not matter how long a relationship has been together. It is a debate that will continue to rage on for months even years. It sickens me, but it has nothing to do with waffle fries.

So for me, I am choosing to not go to Chik-fil-A because they make a terrific chicken sandwich. I am choosing to not give my money to Chik-fil-A because of their choice to fund campaigns that promote hatred, promote discrimination, and promote a society where "all created equal" is not the truth. They have made this completely biblical in nature when there should be a separation between church and state. And they are not alone in their support. Other businesses are just as guilty and believe me they are not the only one who will not receive my funds for their services. I can and will shop elsewhere.

Here's the dealio: They have every right to do as they please with their money. They have every right to speak their mind. In this country, there is such a thing as freedom of speech and I support that. However, I have every right to speak my mind just as freely or to make the choice to just not put my money in their coffers so that they can continue to promote things they should quite possibly just stay the heck out of...SO they can take their chicken sandwich and give it to those who support their business practices.

I pray for a day when things are different, where hatred and discrimination are not chosen over Christian values of love and understanding. I am saddened that we are not there yet...

Love em Like Jesus...

So it was an emotional weekend...
It had began on Friday night...what a wonderful surprise to have my little sister drive all the way from Wichita, KS to be in the audience for the Friday night show. It is a moment I will never ever forget. What a special surprise!

Then we all came together on Saturday as a family to support our own as they deal with the pain and loss of a brother and son. My brother-in-law, Dusty, lost his brother, Denny, last Friday unexpectedly at the age of 33. Denny left behind a wife and four children all under the age of 9.

Saturday was his memorial service and I can honestly say I have never been to a service as uplifting, as musical, as spiritual, as energetic, as love-filled before in my life. Lots and lots of photos, presented in a video montage that was on auto-play. Denny's spirit just leapt off the screen. Lots of music played as Denny was an avid singer, guitar play, and songwriter. They even played a video of Denny playing in Dusty and Rosemary's living room a song he had written using valuable advice his two grandfather's had given him as a child....so sweet and sad and wonderful. Kris Allen was there to sing with his brother Daniel, as they are Dusty and Denny's first cousin. Was amazing to hear Kris perform live...what an awesome voice and would love to be able to experience a concert of his. SO good.

But it was truly the message given by the preacher that moved me and everyone there. He spoke of a young Denny coming to church in his baseball cap and never taking it off. As you may guess, the elder parishioners did not take to kindly to that. So the preacher calmed them by saying that he would have a discussion with Denny, which he then went to do. Denny responded with a "I will see what I can do" and then proceeded to do exactly as he had always done. :) So DENNY!

The preacher then went on to say that Denny exemplified that idea of "Can I be who I am...can you take me as I am? Can you let me be my own authentic self and can you love me regardless?" I was so deeply moved by that, in regards to today's world and all of the turmoil going on surrounding marriage equality, the Bible discussions, and religious versus restaurant discussions happening around the nation. Really and truthfully, doesn't it all bear down on that very statement into its purest form? "Can you let me be my authentic self and love me regardless?"

The preacher then went on to say that Denny and his family had moved to Pine, Louisiana, and were attending this small rural church with only a small organ and maybe 60 congregants. He came back to Little Rock and cornered the preacher at church the following Sunday. Denny was so distraught about what to do and where to go with this new journey he had been given. The Preacher told him, " You gotta love them like Jesus. You gotta love em like a freight train barrelling through and watch the results. Trust me! Just love em like Jesus"

Right before Denny passed away, he came back for a visit and said that they had had a VBS summer session at church with 90 kids involved and that there were not even 90 people living in Pine! How exciting was that? He had put together a Praise Band at church and their church had tripled in size. SOOOOOO exciting.

"Love em like Jesus" is a phrase I can place my belief on, my faith in, for with everything that is going on in today's world, all the hatred being slung left and right...I have always said that I need to lead my life as Jesus would want me to and everything else will fall away...Denny was only 33 and yet had made a HUGE impact on so many lives, including the youth of his area. If only we could follow by his example and reach out to those in need. I think it is this example that his family and friends can take great solace in, knowing that he had made a difference in many, many, MANY lives while he was here on Earth.

Bucket List revisited...

With the bucket list items getting slowly crossed off, I feel it is important to revisit what was originally on that list and remind myself of where I have yet to go.

Reminders are good. I find that I need to keep lists the older I get. And I am ok with that. I am busy, but thankful.  I am tired, but rejuvenated. I am winding down a life's dream/goal, but have so much more I want to see and do.

Let see, what would be on that list...

1. Travel to Paris.
2. Travel to London
3. Skydiving
4. Take an Alaskan Cruise and see the whales
5. See the musical Jersey Boys
6. Play the role of Archibald Craven in The Secret Garden
7. Play the role of Harold Hill in The Music Man
8. Play the role of Sweeney Todd in Sweeney Todd
9. Travel to Rome
10. Sing with an orchestra
11. Record a CD for sale
12. Write a book. Maybe publish?
13. Have a child.
14. Build my own home and be able to design it the way I would like it...a dream home, if you will.
15. See the fall colors of New England
16. Rock climb
17. Parasail in the Carribean
18. Be remembered for being a good man.
19. Grow Muscles.
20. Play the role of Emcee in Cabaret

The list goes on from here. But looking back I can see that experiences can be crossed off and have my pencil ready to cross off a few more next summer. More details to come...

I think these are realistic??? And achievable!! Don't you?

What is on your Bucket List?

YES!!!!!!!!!!

I found this in an article I was reading the other day. I find it's content very profound and very inspirational.

"Because he’s a social liberal, Cory Booker, the Newark mayor, is seldom mentioned in terms of religion, but it turns out that he’s made a study of the Bible, as well as other sacred texts, and given considerable thought to faith. On his Facebook page a few months ago, he mused thusly:

“Before you speak to me about your religion, first show it to me in how you treat other people. Before you tell me how much you love your God, show me in how much you love all His children.”

After "liking" his Facebook page, I have continued to follow his postings. Recently he had some pretty profound things to share that I feel are important. Something we can all use.

He states: "You were not born to be average, normal or typical.

You were not born a carbon copy.

You were born unique, born to excel, born to manifest the glory of the universe in your authentic truth.

You are not weak.

You are stronger than you imagine, wiser than you know, and have vast powers that you have yet to actualize.

... Stop playing small.

Be YOU. Tell your truth - now, today, this very moment.

Manifest your true self - not a poor reflection of your circumstance.

Don’t walk through this world unconscious of your greatness, sleep walking, surrendering your light to the bland grey around you.

You were born to be brilliant,

to be light,

to be fire.

Infuse your glory into this moment, into your choices, into your deeds, into the habits you create.

Consciously choose.

Choose your body through conscious consumption.

Choose your attitude, through conscious thought.

Choose your destiny by being present right now – for remember mindful moments multiplied, totally transform tomorrow's.

Today choose integrity, choose discipline, choose joy, choose joy, choose joy.

Rejoice in your blessings AND, most importantly, know that EVERYTHING is a blessing.

And your blessings are rich soil.

So choose to grow into the boldest, proudest, most glorious version of YOU.

You were born for this."

 

I could see my life forming around this mantra for the next year...I might even share this with my students in the "getting to know you" first week and ask them to share what these words mean to them...

I love this very much! 

Be Here Now...

Such an absolutely powerful message... I came across this documentary preview and was so moved. In the sight of recent events with some of my family member's lives, this message speaks so true to me. My heart goes out to my sister, brother-in-law and his parents, who are dealing with the sudden loss of his brother. There is no amount of support, love, prayers, anything that can take away the hurt, pain, and loss they are feeling right now. And even though this is no where near the same situation, as Andy had time to prepare and fight the cancer in his body...the theme rings true...Be here and now for we never know what tomorrow holds for us...

We only have moments together on this Earth.  Something my mom said to me yesterday rings true, "We only have today as tomorrow is not guaranteed."

It's those moments when his children excitedly run into their daddy's arms that move me to tears...to know he is now gone...losing his struggle to the cancer that had riddled his young body...What is so shaking to me is that he was younger than I am.

"In my mind, this is right where I am meant to be...supposed to be right here and now...keeping yourself open to the journey and the new discoveries and the adventure of all of it...Be Here Now is all about being present and not fearing what you don't know.

Thank you, Andy, for your powerful message and for showing us the power of the human spirit. The drive to win is to prevalent and your strong example and willingness to share your journey is so moving for me and one I will not forget.

Being able to cross a bucket list post off...

If you go back into the later posts of this blog, one would find a bucket list that I had posted years ago. One of those items listed on that bucket list was to play the role of Emcee in the musical Cabaret. Back in January, I auditioned for a local production of the musical and received the news that I indeed would be able to cross that role off my bucket list this summer. I got goosebumps and the entire experience has been an absolute dream come true.

I have had the wonderful chance to work with friends and co-workers, create new friends in the cast, sing with an amazing orchestra, wear beautiful costumes, be a part of the innaugural production at a brand new theatre, work with a director that I had been wanting to work with for quite some time, and create a role that I had dreamt of since seeing Raul Esparza portray it at Studio 54 years ago in NYC. I have to pinch myself every time I walk into the back of the theatre to see the set and feel the hustle and bustle of the tech team. I have loved all the press we have done locally, though quite early in the morning at times, I have loved the excitement of it all.  I am in awe that we are sold out and have been for almost a week. I am so excited that friends and co-workers are buzzing with excitement to see the show...I cannot believe the time is almost here.

I cannot believe that I am here, getting the chance to do this role, and more importantly be "back on the boards" after being away for so long. For many of you who read this blog, you know of the vocal scare I had years ago, that required surgery, and here I am six years later finally getting back onto the limelight. I am so grateful to God for getting me here and for taking me down this path. I feel vocally stronger and ready to take on the world.

Thankful to be here...right now...in this very moment...on the cusp of an opening night that I have dreamt of for many, many, many years.

Sticks and Stones may Break my bones...

There is a new sermon series we are beginning at the church Justin and I are attending that I am very excited about...It is called "Sticks and Stones: When God's Word HURTS". Our pastor, Will, is bringing this to us as a means to help answer many of the questions we as humans struggle with...or maybe not fully answer but raise questions and shake our foundations and help us find a sense of new purpose.

What Will did this evening was begin the series off by having members of the church stand and read Bible verses that many of us as God's children struggle with...Whether it was verses concerning slavery, the demonization of homosexuality, or the involvement of women in the ministry and in the church. We read from Leviticus, we read from Exodus, we read from Corinthians You know the ones...Its the Bible verses that get quoted over and over and over and over and many cling to to judge, to support, to negate, to cram, to squelch you as a human being...and was the very reason I strayed from the various churches I tried to reach out to for soul inspiration...

Then Will closed with a selection from Galatians...I want to include it here for my future reference...
Galatians 3:26-29
"For in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith. As many of you as were baptised into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male or female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus. And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to the promise."

Will went on to say that Paul was telling the Galatians that all of the things listed were irrelevant in comparison to being one with Christ, being in step with our Creator. Our identity is not defined by what we wear, who we hang out with, but open for all with a oneness for Christ. I like this very much.

Now obviously I can only speak about one of the three topics...But in the end they are all dealt with the same way. It's the Bible verses that get crammed down our throats by those who cling to their own version of the word...and that's really it...and it is ok...they have every right to build their own foundation however they see fit...but they lose sight of this idea of "oneness in Christ" that I think is the most important and how can you be in step with the Creator when you are tearing down those around you to gain sure footing in your own mind?

My coming out process was very difficult when it came to the Bible. I struggled with it for YEARS. I read what it said in the Old Testement. I have read those verses. I have had them smeared in my face by family members. Reading my verse this evening in front of the church brought back the same cold sweat, the nerves, the shakey voice, the feeling that I just wanted to cry. Why wouldn't it? Would you want to be told you were an "abomination"? Who chooses that? Seriously?

The older I get and the more comfortable I get in my own skin, the more in tune I become with what I believe God is telling me...I can sense that He is leading me down this path and has guided me every step of the way to this point in my life. I firmly believe that. And that He has lead me to listening to my heart and reading what Jesus' teachings were and that is something I can build a firm foundation on.

I want to be in a oneness with Christ. I look forward to the evening session on my life's journey, my foundation, who I am and have always been...a child of God who is created different than others around me, who is not an abomination, whose" blood is on my own hands"...but someone beautiful and worthwhile.

I have not felt so inspired and hopeful about church is soooooooooo long. I began to call all my friends here in town to see if they would want to come...I think it is a very courageous discussion Will has begun and I am so grateful that I am here and now and able to experience this...

MORE TO COME...you can be sure of it!

daring to CARE...

You know throughout my years of living on this Earth, I have struggled with this for years...perhaps you can help me out in this...

God has said that we are to help our fellow man...

We are to assist the less fortunate, those who are struggling to make it in this life...

You see the photos on the news...

You remember the conversations your grandparents had about how "THEY" beg for money just so "THEY" can go get more alcohol...

You live in New York City and pass them on the street...the naked woman wrapped in the garbage bags, rocking back and forth, who looks like she has not bathed in months and cries on the cold concrete...

Standing on a street corner with their cardboard sign needing any assitance...

The man on the subway with the wraggled clothes, the rag-wrapped feet, and a strong smell of urine...

One moment of wanting money and leading to a pulled knife or gun and it is over...

Jesus encourages us to reach out and help our fellow man who is needy and helpless for they are knocking on the door to heaven...

Yet in a world where violence reigns supreme, where you can go block by block and safety is an issue from one to the other... How can one do it? How can one feel comfortable giving money to someone in need and not feel those scary feelings of "Please do not do anything but take the money I offer you now..."

How does one fight the feelings of fear and still reach out to help those in need of help?
How does one shake that feeling of "What ifs" to reach out and help the less fortunate?

It is completely unfortunate, this world we live in, where fear, hatred, and evil lurk around every corner and you have to question who you can trust is telling you truth, and show the compassionate hand of Jesus, as He would want you to?

I struggle with this so much...

Our newest addition to our family

How is it that something this tiny can win over a hard heart?

One friend texted, "All of the cute!" at her arrival photo to everyone of our friends...and yes....there is NO CUTE LEFT OUT THERE! It is all cram-packed into this tiny body loaded with LOTS of personality!!

Meet EMMY, the newest addition to our family. She is a miniature schnauzer and at her first weigh in with our new vet, she weighs a whopping 2 lbs!

But she has quickly settled into our home and is learning so many things! She knows where her dog dish is and she knows that "outside" is for the potty and exploring. Now I will say that her daddies are also learning that the inside is still a little potty place but that will change I know.

Justin wants to dress her. She already has an X-men cape and almost had a Lady Gaga "Little Monster" T-shirt in her closet. I however feel like, "It's a dog. Seriously? Doggy clothes?" I know that the pet industry is HUGE as evidence of walking through Pet-Smart to find a few toys, doggy bed, and Purina food. I feel that I am going to lose this battle. Justin, and our friend Jessica, have informed me, "Just WAIT for Halloween!"

Oh dear...

The look of politics...

There is no way on God's green earth you could ever get me to consider politics as a possible future for me!

There is so much crap that goes down during an election...from the mudslinging, to the fear mongering, to the  negativity, to the false words, to the he said/ she saids. It just gets old SO quickly! Why would anyone subject themselves to all of that? You could not PAY me enough to do that job!

Perhaps I feel this way because of the fact that it is a Presidential election year. Perhaps not... Every election has always the same tone, same rhetoric, same speeches, same fear, the same "I am here for the common man" and then somehow they get lost in the Washington Shuffle.

And I think that is EXACTLY what it all is...The Washington Shuffle.

I stay away from political discussion as much as I possibly can, especially with family. We just don't see eye-to-eye on different issues. I don't claim to be Democrat. I don't claim to be Republican. I vote for who I believe is the best man or woman for the job. I don't care about an elephant or an ass. Who do I believe is going to do the best job?

Now let me just say...I do not like to discuss politics. I will not request a discussion concerning the things I am about to say on here. I will delete comments that instigate any type of discussion or negativity or a party-line chit chat. But I am revealing who I am voting for this November and it is purely on a man's actions recently.

I am so thankful that a sitting American President has seen fit to say that I am a human being, that I count, and that I should have the same rights as any other American citizen.  It has never happened in America, because no one has had the heart, the gumption, the where-with-all,  to stand up for US.

 In a world where "holy" people are now using their pulpits to say we are unholy, unfit, insane and should be corralled into cattle cars and sent to concentration camps behind electric fences. AND teach their 5 year old kids to stand up in front of their congregations and sing their hateful praises, turn around, and say, "I just don't know where they would learn something like that?" ...as an apology or a defense...

In a land where uncles can send political propaganda, in the name of HUMOR, and target their nephews with hateful bullshit, entitled, "Why I am Voting Democrat" and the first statement on the list states, " I should be able to marry whomever I want so I am going to go ahead an marry my German Shepherd." I am completely DISGUSTED by that!

In a world where if something would happen to a partner of many years, the family can swoop in, deny any rights to the surviving partner,  and take over all functions, family issues, etc. With no rights given to the surviving partner...and they are JUSTIFIED in doing so! SERIOUSLY?

By the Way...I did respond to that uncle...I told him that I am completely offended by the fact that he felt the need to target his nephew in the name of humor...or maybe it wasn't humor...who knows...who cares...damage is already done. I went on to tell him that for the first time in my life, an American President has stood up for MY rights as a US citizen, as a human being, and has said that I am NOT a second class citizen as I, and those in my community, have been treated. I have rights and he has stated that those are the certain inalienable rights our forefathers gave to EVERYONE! That ALL men are created equal...that we have the rights of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness... And most importantly...the right to a BRIDAL REGISTRY!

And that is why I will cast my vote for this President. It is VERY clear where the other candidate stands...He might as well just go ahead and say that the barbed wire is going up and the electricity will be turned on very shortly...

Today, I am grateful for...

Every once in awhile, one has to find a little time to touch base with the things in your life that have brought you great joy and to recognize the things you are grateful for...
Channelling my inner Oprah today folks!!! :)

I am grateful for:
~ A partner who loves me, who supports me, who recognizes that I have imperfections and oddities and low days, and still is here. I am grateful for almost 3 years, honey, and am looking forward to many more of life's adventures ahead!

~ A family who not only loves me but also embraces my partner and supports both of us. I know that, in America today, this is not always the case. Recently, in various conversations with various groups of friends, I have found that the support is not always there. Sadly there are people who turn their backs  on those who struggle to be honest with who they are. This is not the case with our families and for that I am so grateful.

~ A close circle of friends who love and support me, providing hours of laughter and giggles and joy. Friends who are there through thick and thin and support me even in the hard times. Friends who have just entered my life and have adventures yet to come. I have many many MANY wonderful memories and am so grateful to all of my friends  along the way.

~I am grateful for the guidance I believe is heavenly driven. I know that God is watching over me as I flow through the journey here on Earth. I feel his presence and know that where I am today is where He intended me to be and can see His hand on my life's journey every step of the way. I know there are times when I struggle and fight and moan and question...but have to remember that He truly give me what I need, what I can handle at the right and proper time. I am also grateful for a new church that also provides me inspiration,  a firm foundation, possibilities, and acceptance.

~I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for being here today where I am...warts and all...

~I am grateful for our home. There is nothing better than to be able to come home to the peace that this space provides, the joy that I find pulling into the drive each evening. I am grateful for the relaxation it provides. I am grateful for the frustration it provides. I am grateful for being able to work in the yard and getting dirt on my fingers. I am grateful for watering. I am grateful for painting. I am grateful for a new mailbox with our name on it!

~I am grateful for my neices and nephews. I am grateful for the joy that they provide in our lives. The sweet hugs and kisses for their guncles are the best. I saw Norah's first smile yesterday and it made my heart leap. To hold Cash and see him focus in SOOOOOOO hard on Justin's face...taking it all in...Priceless.  To hear Gage and Gracie begin to find words...Amazing. To see Anna write her own name...AWESOME!!! To see Blaine growing into a smart, athletic, creative, energetic, young man...daunting and exciting all together.

~I am grateful for my co-workers. I am blessed to be able to work with some of the most creative, most talented, most nurturing people I have ever had the pleasure to work with. To watch them work with the kids is awe-inspiring. Sometimes I have to step back and pinch myself and remind myself... This is what you have been preapring for all you life and to get the chance to work with these wonderful people...Truly blessed!

So as you can see there is alot I am grateful for! I am excited about all of life's adventures ahead. More pictures to come...

Stay tuned!

What is in a mentor?

This is a term that has been bantered about here in my life here lately. I actually had the pleasure of being able to travel back to my Alma mater, University of Arkansas at Monticello, to speak at the retirement party of one of my mentors from college, Mr R. David Ray. This man made such a huge impact on my life in so many ways and has been such an amazing example of what being a mentor truly is...

In my speech, I stated that Mr. Ray was a coach who instilled a little fear with a whole lot of respect. You worked hard because you wanted to please him, to make him proud of your accomplishments. I have found this to be a very valuable tool with coaching my own team. Mr. Ray's assistance did not stop with each performance. His love and concern did not stop when you walked across that graduation stage. He could be counted on for feedback, for a strong listening ear, and for assistance at any time. It was 15 years later and many miles placed on the roads of my life and I found his name placed before me again, surprisingly!! I did not put him on a reference list for an interview I had down in Arkansas. I just felt like it would be too much of an inconvenience after 15 years of only Christmas letters and an occasional touch base.

So I sit down for the interview and the first question asked was to explain my UAM experience, namely my time with the Speech and Debate team. I went on to praise my time, my experience with R. David Ray and how wonderful a learning experience it had been. I actually was stopped by one of the interviewers and was told that they had already contacted Mr. Ray about me and that he had provided a glowing review. I sat there in SHOCK!!!! I can truly say that I am where I am today because of this amazing mentor and friend...

But you know, I have been blessed with many many MANY mentors all my life. People who have unselfishly given of their time, their effort, their love, their concern, their understanding and gentle pushing...I consider myself so lucky and so blessed...
So here they are, among others...

To Mrs. Simek: Thank you for providing me the opportunity to create my first play in your second grade class...I believe it was with her guidance and love that truly the theatre bug was instilled in that little Santa Claus. You see, she wanted to present the poem, "The Night Before Christmas" for our class...I approached her desk and asked if we could make it into a theatre performance and asked if I could direct. She expanded the idea and we created a performance for our parents. I still remember taking my puffy red jacket and turning it inside out to become Santa Claus.

To Mrs. Evanson: Thank you for providing me with a firm base of self-worth and for recognizing that I had value as a human being.  This woman truly helped me in more ways that she could ever have known. I would go through a divorce of my family years later when I would reflect on everything Mrs. Evanson had taught us about inner strength, creativity and to embrace who were are, warts and all.

To Mrs. Allmaras (now Gunter): Thank you for instilling in me the joy of music. With you, rehearsal never ever EVER felt like torture. You taught me, through voice lessons and through your daily choral example, that music could be fun and emotional and fulfilling. It was an absolute joy and I also was able to experience what it was to have a confidante, a friend, and someone who embraced me for who I was even though I did not know myself. Many years later when singing and music was not an option for me, with surgery looming, I would reflect back and push myself by saying, "What would Tami do in this situation?" I pushed myself to not get forlorn about the circumstances but to allow healing and know that I would indeed sing one day...for that I will be forever grateful.

To Tom Bernard: Thank you for your creativity, for your passion of theatre, for showing me the example of what it was to push myself as a student as well as a theatre director. You continue to be an inspiration to me even from across the country. Not a day goes by that I don't hear your voice in my head, pushing me to explore more, to question more, to figure out new, innovative ways to express myself. And you are the reason my students now claim I MIGHT have a PEEPS problem!! :)

To Susie Baer-Collins: Thank you so much for the strong example you set in the Omaha Theatre community. I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful an experience it is to observe you in work and to be an actor in one of your productions. I am able to use your strong work ethic as an example to my own kids! But it was something else you had said that stuck with me throughout the years...It was something you had said, in a director's consortium at UNO to future aspiring theatre directors, that has stuck in my head. It is a phrase I tell each of my classes and was reminded of it again this passed weekend during my speech at UAM. "If something scares the piss outta ya, you have to try it at least once!" YES!!!! If only we could all follow this mantra, think of what kind of world it would be that we would live in??

I know we all have strong mentors who have provided such strong examples of how to create a life well lived, who encourage us to try new things, who instill the seed of learning in the hopes that it will blossom and grow into something very beautiful on which to build a life. I am grateful to have so richly blessed with talented, wonderful, nurturing people who have provided such a firm foundation on which I build my own life. It is in how I treat those around me. It is in how I live my life day to day. It is in how I approach my interactions with my fellow man...and to them I will always be eternally grateful.

my life in journals...

What an eye opening experience it has been to be home and going through all of the things in my storage. I have had journals from way back in 1996 that I have had the chance to read through and enjoy and ponder and laugh at and shake my head. It is just mind boggling how we change over the years.
I am grateful for the knowledge that comes with age. What floors me is how much of a hopeless romantic I was. I would fall head over heals for every "Prince Charming" and so the journals reflect that...I struggled like every sparkly-eyed schoolgirl, falling hopelessly for every first date...dreamily hoping for that second date...that first kiss... The pages reflect insecurity, reflect frustration, reflect the struggles of dating that I think we all go through and how hard it is to find the right person to share our lives with.
NOW, I am grateful for the longevity of my relationship with Justin. I am grateful for the calm that is in my life. I am a better person because he is in my life. I am able to be who I am, am able to find the goals to cross off the list, am able to enjoy holding hands and know that he feels the same towards me. And for that I am grateful.
We struggle sure! We have hopes and dreams that are very different. We have jobs that are very different and require different things. We enjoy different hobbies. However, we have hopes and dreams that are very much the same. We are so blessed to have family who love us. We are so blessed to have a wonderful home, where we can entertain friends and family, where we hope to one day bring a child into our lives and create the family we have always wanted.
These journals are very eye-opening. It truly has been a fun adventure where I am able to share the stories of my life and of which there are plenty. The travels of my life after graduate school, the funny occurrences, the ins and outs of working through life's struggles.
What is interesting is that these journals have now transferred to this blog...a more technically savvy form of correspondence. Now many can place the joke here about me being SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO technology savvy! :)
What is also very fun is to see how much I have changed and how much I have not...
And I am grateful that I have these as a record of a life well lived...

Reflection of the past year

I am not one of those endorsers who tries to sell anyone ANYTHING. Cannot not stand being SOLD to... But I have to share something with you...

One of the neatest things I have experienced here recently is a wonderful movie-making program I was given by a family member at Christmas. It is called "MAGIX Movie Edit Pro" and it is this great program where you can take the pictures from your life's adventures and put them to music. Creating this movie about your travels, your childhood, your climb, your journey etc. Kind of like the Windows Movie Maker, but I think it is much better and easier to navigate.

One of the bonuses that has come along with this new avenue of study has been the ability to go back into the ole photo albums and find the fondest pics...you know the ones...the ones where you are naked in the baby bathtub aka sink, or chasing the dog at your grandparents, you know the ones...the ones where you look so innocent and youthful, before the gray hairs come to play? The photos of family members long gone, but not forgotten. The ones where your parents look so young and it reminds you that your parents were indeed young and adventurous and did indeed once go to high school and went to prom and were indeed excited about that crazy car you would not be caught dead in today. LOL!!

Grab your scanner, get this program, find some music and get to creating movies of your own life...it is super easy.

I have had the opportunity to create these movies of my life and to be able to share them as gifts for my folks this year...a wonderful opportunity to say the least. I love reminiscing and looking back, reflecting through photos and being creative in the development of a movie of our lives...what a wonderous gift we were given.

My mom's centered around her retirement from her job with almost 38 years of service. Her party's theme was "Inspiration, Persperation, and Drive." and the video reflected that. I found lots of very powerful quotes from various sources and searched for empowering music like Celine Dion's "Taking Chances" to Lady Gaga's " Edge of Glory. Photos included photos from co-workers as well as step-dad and my own selections, including my most favorite photo of all of my mom...

It was a difficult time for both of us and she and I decided to drive out to Medora and hang out in the Badlands for a few days, catch the show, and do a little hiking. Mom is afraid of heights and the fact that she even got to the top of this butte is pretty neat, but then to get this moment of her looking out over the Badlands absolutely ROCKS!!!

My dad's videos centered around our lives together and was made with his birthday, as well as Father's Day, in mind. I  made one centered around last year's trip to Paris, Barcelona, and Madrid he, Pam, and I shared.

Dad and I share a love of music so even the selection of the music for his birthday video was pretty emotional for me...One of my absolute favorite photos I included was of he and Mom at an early age. Not sure if I was in the picture or not...but I am guessing yes... They look so happy and Dad is just as goofy as ever...we have shared many more goofy moments together since then...

Awesome memories and a wonderful emotional trip for memory lane...

Feel so blessed and creative and grateful for this opportunity to create memories...

The power of prayer

At church we are covering a session on the power of prayer and following a spiritual discipline of praying. There were alot of wonderful, thought-provoking thoughts brought out during a sermon that has been causing me to reflect on them...

Do I pray enough? From childhood, from praying every bedtime prayer and before every meal, til now where I pray while I am going somewhere and rarely before food...what changed?

One of the ideas brought out during the sermon was the fact that folks feel awkward doing it or maybe don't feel holy enough to get down on your knees to pray. Maybe some are out of practice or for some it feels too overwhelming. Maybe it is mild fumblings in an attempt to pray or that we do not feel worthy enough to ask our heavenly Father for guidance. That they have to be in the right mindset to pray.

Lots of ideas came flooding towards me while I sat there. I have indeed gotten out of practice. When I do pray, it is either at church or in a quick situation. I speak of the usual: gratitude for the blessings I have been given, guidance for my family and for myself as we live the life He has given us, health, watch out for those in hurtful times, grateful for my friends and all of life's blessings, etc. And in the calm of those moments, I can feel peace.

But is it a time that I physically set aside for prayer? No, definitely not. And this is probably why I enjoy church more and more as I go. A quiet time to reconnect to that inner peace that I envision as a gift from God. But there are times when I do feel all the hub-bub overwhelming even when I sit in a peaceful state of mind. The lists. The things I HAVE to get done. The things I have gone through the passed week. The "traumas" of life. The things I SHOULD be doing but DON'T have TIME.

I have contemplated setting aside a time for meditation and yoga...but as many of you know...I go go GO! There's that "having to be in the right mindset to pray" frame of mind coming through... I find myself in situations where I start something and give it up when the schedule gets to be too much or too overwhelming. Everything gets reshifted...and that is something I do not want to do in this situation...

I love the peace that comes from prayer. I find solace in the solitude. I feel connected...I find that there are mountain tops where I feel closer to God. I have always said that the Buttes of the Badlands at night when you have climbed to the top and lay down and are so close to touching the stars...this is God. The shooting stars, the northern lights...all God. But you can't have that 24/7. Life throws glitches in there and you have short amounts of God. You just have to find those moments where you can reconnect....

Maybe that's the key...finding short amounts of time to reconnect... Getting into a schedule to allow silence, calm, and refocus. It is so hard to find those times... I also find this blog as a chance to reconnect, reflect, and channel my thoughts and so perhaps become closer to peace and prayer?

The birthday that came and went...

Some said I was being overly sensitive...
Some said it was perfectly ok for me to be a little emotional about it...
Some rubbed it in my face and thought it was funny...
Some just gave me a hug and said "I won't mention the day today, but know that you are loved"
Some brought a video of photos from my childhood that brought me to tears...the good kind.
Some drove miles and miles to be together on our milestone birthday year...and for that I am ever grateful...
Some brought cards and kept it very surface...which was so nice...
Some sent cards and well wishes from afar with wonderful words of encouragement that meant the absolute world to me...I could feel the love with every wish.
Most mentioned that the BEST IS YET TO COME. Most loved their 40's. I feel the same...I probably will love being 40, just not so close to the day reminder of my birth.

The birthday was exactly what I needed it to be...

There were no black balloons, no crepe paper streamers, or "Over the Hill" signs- no "Mourning the passing of your youth" crap to be seen and for that I am SUPER grateful. For you see, for me, that is the true essence of what this birthday was not for me...I have struggled and probably will struggle for awhile with this year and what it sybolizes to me personally. I am not in mourning nor did I want anything around me that showcased mourning...Why mourn a life well lived and more to come?
I am 40. (That seems so alien to me...)
I feel 25 and feel the child-like spirit inside of me bursting to get out. I feel by no means a 40 year old inside this body of mine.

I hyper-ventilated (inside) when I saw the "4" and "0" candles on top of the ice cream cake at my folks' house up in Minnesota. All I could think of was "Holy crapballs, no matter how much you deny it...There it is to SMACK you upside the head and say, 'Guess what' ?"
Truth be told, You cannot escape.
It doesn't sneak up on you at times. Sometimes it beats you across your face and says...like it or not, here I am...what are you going to do about it? Nothing you can do, but accept it as gracefully as you can and move forward.
Not beautiful.
Not sneaky.
Not bad.
Not kind.
Just Harsh and quick.

Time flies by so quickly when you are attempting to live life to its absolute fullest. And truthfully, isn't that what it is truly about...regardless of age? Live your life to its absolute fullest, filling every moment with vitality and vigor? I could, honestly do a better job of living...I find myself a little more entrenched than I would like...Perhaps I should hug harder. Love even harder. Pray even harder than that. Make sure that those important people in your life know that you love them.

As Mame says in Auntie Mame: "Life is a banquet and most sons-of-bitches are starving themselves."

That is the truest motto ever spoke.
And I am ok with that.

I am going to live my life to its absolute fullest as best I can, with childlike eyes and brighter vision. Forgive me if I stutter a while on saying it when asked. Forgive me when I wince when the question is asked...I am trying hard to embrace it, but it will be what it is...

Bring on the next year...and may it be filled with adventures that I will never forget.