Going after what you want in life...

Always remember dear weary travelers...if something scares the piss outta ya...you have to try it once cause life is a banquet and most sons of bitches are starving themselves....
Obviously I took great liberties with this one and combined my two of my favorite sayings...one from the great Susie Baer Collins and the other from Auntie Mame...but if you know one or the other...they are basically the same glorious person.
LIVE ON dear friends.
FULLY.
BEAUTIFULLY.
And in the sunshine.

Ships are safe inside the harbor...

All the world is built by dreamers...

and perhaps it sounds cliche' but you truly can wait a lonely lifetime for that proverbial knock on the door waiting for life to say come on...

Or you can grab a hold of the reigns yourself and pursue your dreams...

Doing exactly what you envision for yourself.

There is nothing worse than looking back after it is too late and thinking if only I would have done this...

The time is now.

You only have one lifetime to do exactly what you envision for yourself

And let the nay sayers just go only trudging their way through, bitching and complaining..

You've got a life to lead.

And dreams to accomplish.

The journey to here...

My dear sister from another mister will be calling me very shortly once this post hits the waves...and YES I still get annoyed by this man so much...Clay Aiken just plain annoys me to no end, but Kim just LOOOOOOOOOVES HER some AIKEN.
HOWEVER I will say this...I do like these lyrics sooooooooo much and it really follows my life so closely...

I just like what it says...

On my way here.

Where I am now.

I learned to fly

I have to want to leave the ground

I've fallen hard.

But I've been loved

But in the end it all works out.

My faith has conquered fear.

On my way here.

One of the things both Justin and I felt was important was to recognize the journey of many to get us to our wedding day this summer . And it has been a long and complicated journey to say the very least for both of us as well as for our families. We enclosed a letter of thanks with our wedding favors...

It stated:

"Today we are thankful for the journey, in whatever form it has arrived. Who would have known that 6 years ago, sitting across from one another at that Chili’s table, we would journey together to this site?

We are thankful for your journey here today to be with us. We know that some have traveled long distances to share this day with us and for that we are grateful. We love each and every one of you.

We are thankful to our parents and families for their long journeys getting us both to this day. It has not always been the smoothest of terrain but we are here stronger and filled to the brim with your love.

Our journey together as one begins today and for that we are so grateful and excited to see what adventures lay ahead. We are filled with your love, encouraged by your presence, and grateful for it all."

And we had so many friends join us who flew in from far and wide to be there for our day.

We had so many family members come from LONG distances to be there to share with us on this day beginning our newest adventure together.

And I can only look back on my own personal journey to that day... days between my folks and I were not at our very best. When we struggled to understand each other. When we cried and worried and wondered.

When we struggled to not let hopes and dreams get in the way of allowing me to figure my way through.

I know there were sleepless nights and frustrating calls to their friends thinking what the heck was their son doing? Blaming themselves for something that in the end was there all along.

Looking back, searching the cob-webbed closets and dark spots to see that he truly was this way from the very beginning and now what do we do? 
Not knowing what to do but hoping and praying that God would just lead the way in whatever path He had in mind...

And then to be able to get to this moment right here...

Just brings tears to my eyes and brings thankfulness and joy to my heart.

It is truly a moment I will NEVER ever forget.
And I am forever grateful.

My FAITH has conquered FEAR.
On my way HERE.

5 minute TED church talks & National Coming Out Day

Many of you expressed how you wished you could have been in church for this 5 minute sermon series our church did one Sunday. We were asked to created a 5 minute sermon on the topic of love.

Different views, Different expressions, all unique in our own way.

My speech spans a what seems like a lifetime of lessons, and since it is National Coming Out Day, I thought it would be appropriate to share... 

Put on your reading glasses...

here it goes...

"What I am about to tell you may be jarring. I may offend you on some levels. But I hope to be able to open your eyes and heart in the process...

        In 1993, I came out as a gay man. I had to struggle for years prior to that summer and continued to struggle for years after that summer. And in fact a large amount of my friends mentioned that they talked in code around me. They would say, " D-K-H-G-Y...B-H-W." (Thank you Robyn and Emily) I gave them this odd look, to which they then told me it's definition..."Doesn't know he's gay yet...but he will."

      Family and friends began learning more about me, about who I truly am. My family and friends eventually became fully supportive, embraced me, and loved me for who I am and could become in my new definition. But the coming out butterflies NEVER went away. Each time I came out to someone, the feeling of wanting to throw up prevailed and my nerves would get the best of me. (Much like this Sunday in particular)

      I struggled with "those" Bible verses and my belief that God never gives up. That He created us ALL in His image and did not create trash. God created each and every one of us in his own image and each soul was special and unique to Him in our own way. It took me years to figure all of this out and to come to terms. His love was unconditional and open-ended. He had sent his Son to forgive each of us our many sins and to teach us how to love one another.

      The years rolled on. I pined for true love yet I was driven to succeed. I filled my days with retail work during the day to pay the rent and working as a theater director every night. I lined up show after show to take on, to build my resume. Yet I longed for true love. I could never figure out why God had not brought me my own Prince Charming to share my life with. It took a life change, a move down to Arkansas to slow down and to realize that there was no way to fit true love into a hectic schedule. Slowing down and moving to a different location and way of life to find my true love.

      I met Justin after two weeks of being here in Little Rock. He lived in northwest Arkansas and we saw each other every 3 weeks or so. Eventually he moved down here to be closer to me and my family, we moved in together, and began our lives together.

      I thought everything was becoming perfect. Yet one Christmas Eve, I got the mail and found a card from my cousin up in northern Minnesota. Upon reading the 3 page letter enclosed, I quickly realized that the dreaded moment had arrived. My cousin had taken it upon herself to hurl Bible verses AT me through her glass walls, offending not only me, but also my partner and my entire family. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that my aunt had had her hand in it as well and that these two had done this not only to me but also to other members of our family who had suffered divorces, sewing Bible verses at them as well...calling them sinners and hell bound.

     The struggle for me became could I forgive  and forget through the hurt and the pain they had caused. Could I forgive them for their ignorance, for never once attempting to reach out to us and ask the questions, instead reigning down judgement on us all from their pedestal, taking the easy way out. The inner struggle was real. I found I could forgive them, but would never be able to forget...for as we say every Sunday, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

     All contact stopped. Life continued on. this side of the family only gets together maybe once a year if that so the struggle didn't feel so bad. Turmoil is easier to deal with from a distance it seems.

     Last summer, my uncle passed away. During the service, we were asked to write fond memories of Don. I wrote about how Don and his entire family was a source of unconditional love when my family suffered a divorce. Don and his family called my Mom and I with open arms and said, "It's okay. Come home. We love you." When I came out to them and introduced them to Justin, it was such an uncomfortable moment. But their love never faltered. "It's okay. Come home. We love you."

     The service completed. Everyone was hugging. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to an immediate hug and apology from this cousin. She cried. She whispered, "I am so sorry. I did not mean to cause you hurt. I love you but can't we just agree to disagree?" The wish was sincere. The apology was very sincere and accepted. But then my aunt stated the EXACT same statement...Can't we just agree to disagree...

     And you know? The answer is actually NO. What they were asking me to do was to deny who I am as a human being, who I am at my very core. I posed the following question to them. What they were asking me to do is say, "Hey I can't wrap my mind around the fact that you are a mom so can we just agree to disagree? Or I can't wrap my mind around the fact that you are a woman so why don't we just say let agree to disagree." Can you see how I could NEVER respond to something like this?

    I responded, "No, you have hurt me. You have hurt someone I love very deeply, someone you have NEVER even taken the time to get to know. DO you see the difference with what I said about Don and his family and what you have just asked me? You said, 'I love you BUT...' when they offer, 'I love you. PERIOD.'

    Consider this the stone being dropped into the smooth water of my life, causing the ripple effect. I love you. PERIOD.

    Love does not come with restrictions.

    Love does not come with conditions.

    It shouldn't if it is true.

    It is ever encompassing and I for one am so thankful that Jesus didn't say, "I love you...but..." and instead opened up his arms and said, "It's okay. Come home. I love you. PERIOD."

     This has become my life motto. I love you. PERIOD.

      Jump ahead a year. Justin and I just got married over the summer. I feel like such a king. Our day was so special, filled with tradition, with support, with love we could feel surrounding us. This love continues.

      Gay marriage is new. Gay marriage has no boundaries or expectations...no one wears the traditional wedding dress if they don't want to. Our day was steeped in new traditions. New elements. We prayed the Lord's Prayer lakeside. We passed a pouch with our rings inside for attendees to pray over. And we opted for the non-Corinthians mode of Bible verse for our day...

Colossians 3:12-14

12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 

14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

It was an amazing day filled with laughter and fellowship and love.

And Wear LOVE everywhere you go, friends.

Carry on...

With Love...