Amidst the blizzard...

I got the chance to go out snowmobiling...something I have not done in YEARS!!

It was awesome!! The wind whipping your face while going 55 miles an hour across the frozen lake... The trees all covered in snow...Crisp and new

MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Here's to reconnecting with old friends, new experiences, and celebrating the holidays with the ones you love!!!

So I look back at the last few months...

The end of the year is fast approaching. Such a huge rollercoaster. So as I sit here in my folk's living room in North Dakota, waiting for the next round of blizzard to pelt down on us...I look out the window and find myself getting all nostalgic...

So many Christmases have passed...but this Christmas seems different in some ways...

I am in a different place in my life. I was asked by my step-mom, a few weeks ago, what I wanted for Christmas this year...the more I thought about it...the more I felt the tears rise in my eyes as I thought, "Ya know? I feel something that my heart has not felt in so long. It is a feeling of CONTENTMENT. Something new to this very fast paced, rat-race life I have lead."

I have a brand new job that I love. I have co-workers who are so supportive and loving and always willing to provide a helping hand or just to be a sounding board. I have students, who sometimes drive me crazy, but have warmed my heart as well. I found that my semester test reviews went very well especially when I saw that OPRAH AH HA moment click for them and they "Got it"!! I say Bravissimo to that!!

The end of the semester was crazy!!! There was my directorial debut at NLRHS with Greater Tuna. We then had Thanksgiving break, and focused forward towards a HUGE Speech Tournament, followed by Beauty and The Beast auditions and then into semester tests. So sadly, Christmas cards just went out yesterday. I naively thought this past summer, "Gee, I am going to have a teacher's schedule. I am going to have all this time to rest and relax." See how funny that sounds to me now?? And as I look forward to next summer, I see my vacation time slowly slipping away, which is good...because I am still so excited at this new avenue and adventures in my life...that I think I can handle a few weeks of r-n-r rather than 2 months.

I have gotten the chance to become closer to my neice and nephew, Anna and Blaine. Claudia was saying that Blaine wanted to take his 5$ and buy his family gifts from the dollar store. He listed me on his list of five folks...I was pretty honored by that...I just don't think that that would have been the case six months ago. To get the chance to watch my favorite Christmas movies, Polar Express, with a little one in each nook...love it! And a holiday party with the Arkansas family before I left for Fargo was really really fun. Great food, great laughter, playin a fun board game, watching Blaine and Anna open their presents, getting some great pictures, hugs from Dad and Mom, being able to calm Anna and hold her with her head on my shoulder til she calmed from melt-down crying, but most of all just being together...priceless.

I have the chance to travel for the holidays. Now some may think that this is boring and treacherous. YES the roads were treacherous, but the quiet time on the road, listening to Christmas Holiday music and left to my thoughts was a wonderful reconnecting time. Something I absolutely needed and was granted at the perfect time.

To arrive in Fargo safely to hugs and holiday goodness....awesome!!! I got the chance to decorate Mom's large Christmas tree for my gift to her and Steve. (pictured above) Was so much fun!! It is so nice to be on the couch, smell the good food baking, watching HGTV, and relaxing. It just feels so good to be home. I feel my tense shoulders just relaxing away and I feel calm. The dog snores downstairs and I feel lucky to be here. I hope the rest of the family can make it out. Will be good to reconnect with them and Sydney, Gage, and Chloe.

I do have a special someone in my life as well and all roads lead to Rogers, Arkansas when we can. It is exciting to not only have a new career, but also someone I can share my life experiences with. He lives 2 ½ hours away and to be honest, long distance is working for us right now. He is looking towards school and finishing a degree. With all the time requirements being part of a speech/ drama department in my life and his life in flux up there, this relationship works for the both of us, which is so exciting. It is like nothing either of us have ever experienced. Fireworks. Butterflies. Meeting the family, who have grown to adore him. His name is Justin…and I am a giddy school girl.

I look forward to 2010 with great excitement, with children's eyes. I caught a moment withBlaine Garrett the other night. He never knew I was watching him...it was a terrific moment that spoke volumes to me. I have placed my beautiful porcelain and gold Nativity set on Pam's black grand piano. It is trimmed with poinsettias and greenery. Well, I peeked around the corner and here were these two little blue eyes and a chin setting on the piano taking in all the visions of Jesus' birth. There was such wonder...such sparkle...such excitement...and thats I how I look to 2010.

I feel such blessings.

I feel such wonder.

I feel contentment.

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!

Much love-

Brandon

OMG!!!!

Sex and the City 2

This is the just released poster of Carrie and if you look closely at her sunglasses, it looks as though she is somewhere outside of NYC on a beach somewhere??? Storyline hint??? Who knows...

Can you tell I am an addict???

But you can be assured this man will be in those theatre seats opening weekend after a cosmo and looking through some pages of VOGUE magazine!!

I can hardly WAIT!!!

One of my most favorite holiday movies...
The Polar Express!!!
And to experience it all over again, at Christmas time, with my 7 year old nephew and 3 year old neice curled up in the crook of my arm??? PRICELESS!!!
I am filled with the spirit of Christmas...
It is a wonderful feeling!!

A North Dakota Tribute...

My friend, Shari, found this amazing article in Esquire Magazine about travelling the state of North Dakota...

Anyone who has traveled this stretch of interstate will understand...

"Because how often do we sit for five hours, chewing beef jerky, watching the sun set? In silence? In dreams? It never happens anymore, except in Canadian hospital emergency rooms, but even then, there's something to watch other than the sunflowers turning west. Without having to make so much as a single lane change, I'd entered the closest thing to a runner's high that a fat man can feel. I had rolled clean into bliss, my mind as open as the fields around me. Squinting into orange, I thought about those things that we never let ourselves think about — those things that we actively defend ourselves against thinking about by having so much other stuff to look at and listen to.
On that godforsaken highway, I had revelations. I witnessed miracles. I saw every mistake I had made. I made peace with my regrets. And then I looked forward, ahead to the first few folds in the earth, to the canyons and the Continental Divide. I saw the rest of what I wanted out there. I saw the battles I still wanted to wage, the people I still wanted to meet and meet again, the trophies I still wanted to hang on my walls. I saw nearly every place I wanted to go between now and the end, and by the time I saw that big blue sign in my headlights, WELCOME TO MONTANA, I saw, too, that I wanted North Dakota to last forever."


Thank you, Chris Jones, for writing such an amazing article honoring a state I hold so near and dear.

Thank you, Shari, my dear friend, for reminding me of my heritage and my roots and for bringing a longing back to a time I had forgotten...when life was out in the deep Badland hills, singing, dancing, and having a good time underneath the starry skies, hiking out into the buttes at night, climbing to the top and laying on the scoria laden ground...so close that you could almost reach out and touch the shooting stars...believing that at any moment...you could feel the hand of God...

Please read more at: http://www.esquire.com/features/empty-highway-1209?click=main_sr#ixzz0Ygve5OOY

A moment of Thanks...

So, I find it hard to blog as much as my cohorts.
I hope that it is alright with my readers...
But I want substance rather than lots of crap on here...
So we wait...til the "AH HA" moment arrives and then I type...

So I have just made it through a lengthy weekend of rest and relaxation...
A weekend of Thanks...
A weekend of family...
A weekend of closeness, laughter, fun, and connecting.

I am thankful for so many things in my life this year.
I took a few moments, over the weekend, to look back and am in awe at where I am today...in comparison to where I was a year ago. The only thing I can compare it to is a complete rollercoaster ride. And I am humbled. And I am blessed. I am a man who has taken a new journey and feel so much better for it.

Scared to death?? Absolutely!
Tired and beaten down? You bet.

But this is an avenue that I also feel such accomplishment, such great responsibility to the young minds I have in my grasp, a responsibilty to teach these young people about the power of theatre, the power of the spoken word to a student who may or may not have experienced anything like it. To hold up a mirror to the face of American student and show them what they can accomplish IF they put their minds to it.

Are the minds of today's young people different than when I was in school? ABSOLUTELY! There are times when I get so frustrated with my students...at their laziness, their inability to perform a function that I consider not so difficult, placing hurdles in their way that I know they can handle and they stumble...it is in those frustrating moments that I have to remind myself that the thought process of today's youth is a much different mind set than when I was in school. I would never allow myself to lacksidasically forget this or that...or just not do the assignment...that was NEVER an option. I got the job done. This is not the case with today's youth.

I have heard many of the teachers around me regretfully admit that they have found themselves "dumbing" or "watering" down their requirements or expectations. In my own assessments, I had considered this. But my mentor has encouraged me to not succumb to this... and I agree...I refuse to not stretch the minds of today's youth...lowering my expectations to formulate a program that cowtows to the lower level learners, leaving the higher level learners to serve as co-instructors. I just will not do it...
So...with that said...my step-mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year...and as I looked back...and contemplated what I have accomplished, where I have come and where I want to go in 2010, I told her, "You know? For the first time in my life, I feel absolute CONTENTMENT. I could not ask for more."
Well maybe...World peace...and Matthew McConaughey...

You know you have arrived when...

1. Your neice runs to you for a hug the minute she sees you.
2. Your nephew wants to hang out with you in the bicycle section, trying out each bike for just the right fit.
3. Your students give you cards, a photo collage, and such for a directorial debut...
4. Your cast and crew all stand and applaud you at a awards banquet, bringing you to tears....
5. A student who has been a "classroom management" issue finally "gets it" and says he has the paper you have requested from him 6 classes ago... YES!!!
6. Have students say they love you!

But the number one reason you know you have arrived?
There is a teacher, who is a mentor of mine, who has an awesome laugh that stands out in a crowd. The students call it the Mackle Cackle. Well one student informed me that I also have a laugh that stands out over a crowd...I never knew...and the students call it the "Higgle Giggle" or the "Higgy Gig"!!!!
I think this is MOST EXCELLENT!

This Is It

"I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could HaveBeen Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change"
~Michael Jackson

Such a wonderful docmentary and it really got me thinking...
If we really want to make the world a better place in which to live...it all starts right here...right now...inside you.

Is there something you can do to make your world a better place?

The definition of the word NORDIC:

A person being from the Nordic countries, the northwestern European countries of Scandinavia (Norway, Sweden, Denmark), as well as Iceland and Finland.

-OR-

If you are of Nordic race: "a physical type characterized by tall stature, long head, light skin and hair, and light-colored eyes"

And I believe they all wear these types of helmets in NORDIC countries...

Or maybe it is just large busty women who sing operatic high notes...

Usually accompanied with long blonde braids...

Rest in peace, my dear fellow thespian.

May you find sweet peace from all of Earth's toils and may God wrap you in precious slumber. You have fought the hard fight and can now rest in sweet peace, free from pain and hurt.

We love you, Matty Kamprath!

Thinking of Matty...

There is a man, in Omaha...

A Crazy, Zany, Sparkling, Loving, Passionate, Multi-talented man...

There is a man in Omaha...

One who gives and gives and gives and shows such vitality onstage.

There is a man in Omaha...

Who brings joy and life to everyone around him.

Who LOVES his Huskers with such Passion...

To even have the FIGHT SONG on CD to play in a 12 passenger van while on tour...

There is a man in Omaha...

Who is the most politically incorrect man I have ever met...

Who will tell you like it is...

Who will always remind me of Billy and Wendel...and make me laugh hysterically...

"Sometimes when I squeeze my puppy, he poops"

There is a man in Omaha...

Who is leaving us, after a long battle with cancer...

Matty, you have blessed us with such laughter. You have blessed us all with such wonderful memories and I will always cherish the chances I got to work with you onstage. I feel so blessed.

Matty, it is ok to go. It is ok to just let go. Don't hang on, if you do not want to. You have already put up such a BRAVE FIGHT! You can now move forward two spaces and do not stop at go...

We love you, Matty, so much! The pain is over and you have such an awesome journey ahead of you...a journey that we are envious of...a journey that leads you to a bigger stage...one with brighter lights and a kick ass sound system...free from pain and filled with such sweet peace and lightness of being...

Random Musings

Ok...so occasionally I like to either become an artist or be part of the art...or will just post random goofiness...

Sometimes I get too poetical...to lofty and just need a moment to goof off and lay it out there...

ENJOY!!!

The masks we wear...

I am teaching a whole lesson on the Greek Theatre and its origins. Did you know that the word theatre originated from the Greek word theatron which means "seeing place"? Or that the first theatrical performances were performed in honor of Dionysis, the God of wine and fertility? Or that the first winner of the City Dionysia was the playwright Thespis, who also created the first actor and also was the first to use masks?

But, while teaching this class, I began to wonder...what kind of masks do we all wear at times in our lives? There are so many masks we wear especially when we are young. So many times, when we do not feel comfortable or feel supported or feel free to be who we truly are, we put on that mask that we can hide and feel safe behind. We go through such awkwardness, gawkiness and torment while we are in junior and high school. No one is safe. So many secrets to push down and push away.

It is only much much later, when the years have rolled by that we come to realizations about our true selves that we come to appreciate our inner most thoughts and feelings. Finding ourselves comfortable enough to let down out guard and let someone in...

To truly put down the mask and let someone into your most inner thoughts, into your heart, taking the first step towards love and flight. That is the sign of true growth...

I am MELTING!

So after a really bad last few days at school...

I came home to hear the pitter patter of little feet and got the best surprise ever...

My sister, Claudia brought Blaine and Anna over and Anna ran up to me and kissed me...

That was the best feeling ever...and totally made everything else blur and pale in comparison...

No matter how bad a day i could have...

No matter how many disrepectful students I have to reprimand...

No matter how many papers need to get graded...

No matter how many hours are in a day...

My family brings me joy and helps to buffer the pain...

It all pales when little kisses and smiles greet you at the door...

And give me a shot in the arm...

I am blessed and feeling so grateful for where I am.

A Healthy Balance

So the other day in class, I had a boring review of Commedia Del Arte planned as my class had a quiz coming up and then we were going to get back to doing some improv games. That was what the lesson plan was. I could feel like the class was unfocused somehow? They were restless, chatty, and heads were going down one by one. I decided to get them through the torture of stock characters, spontaneity, and lazzi and get them on their feet as quick as possible.
I got them onto one game and the chatting continued, particularly by two students who should have known better. They had both been warned before. So the thought process is do I write them up? I could feel myself coming unraveled and getting irritated. So I stopped the game. I decided to turn what was meant to be a fun portion of the class into writing a paper, all because students could not focus and keeps their mouths closed.
I could feel my blood boiling. I was so angry. I just do not remember my high school classes being so unfocused, so untrained, so not ready for college. But maybe that is it...maybe today's youth are not ready.
So one of my students peeked his head into my office and apologized for talking, when it was not even him being the problem. He actually has become one of my favorite students. He makes me giggle in class. Actually there are quite a few students who are like that. There are so many students that I just absolutely look forward to seeing every day! They make me smile! I guess that is why I do this. It is for them. It is for them that I get upset when doofuses ruin what could be a great class and turn it into one where I get ruffled and force them to write papers.
The next day, another student stopped me to apologize for yesterday's class. He mentioned that when he had come into my class (2 weeks late), he was scared and just knew he would hate this class. He was forced to take the class because it was the only class left that he could take on the schedule. However, he told me that he absolutely loves my class and was sad that those TWO students had ruined it for the rest. He said, "You do know that it is only two students who are the problem, don't you?" I agreed and do understand. So now it is how to refocus the problem children and get the class back on track...
Trying to find a happy balance between fun and studious endeavors...the challenges of being a first year teacher...

around the corner...

i am not rich.
i am not stunning.
i am not ordinary.
i am not in flux.
I am finally, for the first time, in my life finding true grace. Finding a true course on a wayward life path that has taken such huge twists and turns. The roller coaster ride of life.
I am focused.
I am finding bliss.
I am finding a course in my life that for the first time feels "right".
I am finding love.
I am finding true meanings of family.
I am finally able to be there for my nephew, who lost another tooth, There is something to be said about being able to tuck him in before leaving...into the "Blaine Burrito".
I am finally able to be a presence in my sisters' lives. To be able to be there for support, to be a shoulder they may need when the going gets tough.
I am finding that there are new and exciting things around every corner.
and for that...
I am Grateful.

ahhhhhh FOOTBALL and siblings!!

So Blaine completed his first season of football today. I did not get to go to watch as many of his games as I had wanted to, but it sure was nice to see that smile today and know that he was happy to see me there. He did fairly well and ran like the dickens.
A few weeks ago, my sister Rosemary, caught this moment between Blaine and Anna. It was so sweet that I just wanted to include it on here. I just hope deep down that they remain this close even when they get older.
Blaine Garrett loves his sister so much and this was so sweet. A moment caught on film and now we can share.

An Invitation

So, I find little glimmers of light in various areas of my life. Occasionally, I come across literary works that I find great appreciation in...
If you have never had the chance to read Oriah Mountain Dreamer's "The Invitation", you should. There are so many sections of this piece that ring profoundly in my life at different times. I am going to include a couple of sections here in the next few paragraphs...

"I want to know if you can sit with PAIN, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your toes, without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, to remember the limitations of being Human."

~I love what this says. Regardless of what emotion you or someone else are feeling, you have to be willing to let yourself FEEL whatever emotion comes to you. Not to hide it. Not to relish in it. Just break all boundaries, all human boundaries and live fully, feel fully, and not shy away from the hard times. Do not shy away from living every moment to its fullest.

"It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventures of being alive."

~ I want to know, regardless of age, that you are willing love, to take that chance to leap and trust that the net will follow. I want to know that you are willing to walk to the edge of the ledge, take a deep breath and make a huge choice to take a risk on love or to follow your dreams. So many times, people just shy away from taking a chance on experiencing love or struggling to meet the goals they have set in thier life. And at the slightest sign of hurt or uncomfortable moments, you shy away and sulk back into the darkness. WHY?
Garth Brooks said it best when he sings from the song, 'The Dance", by stating, 'Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance"
SO PROFOUND!!

"It does not interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back."

~AMAZING. Are you willing to stand right in the middle of the chaos, in the middle of the ring, and take all that is coming at us and be strong enough to not shrink back into the darkness?
I do not care who you know. So many times we try to name drop to impress, to show we are somehow better than others. We uncomfortably try to hold our own or make ourselves to be something we are not, and for what? Why would you? Knowing full well, that you are gonna go running the minute the heat turns up. I wanna know if you will stand right there and take it all in and show your strength and perseverance.

Thank you, Oriah Mountain Dreamer, for this wonderful piece of poetry. It speaks to me differently every time I reread it. I find new nuggets of knowledge, new glimmers of light, new fireworks of "ah ha" moments that I cannot ignore.

Classroom Management & the "N" Word

So, as a new teacher, you find that there are lots of things you have to learn and learn it quickly. Lesson plans. Studying your craft. Making sure that you stay up on entering all grades and attendance online correctly. Group Educate. Differentiated education. And while worrying about all of that, you have to focus on classroom management and all that the students bring to the table.

In the past few weeks, I have had a student who has been acting out. She makes vocal groans and whines when she doesn't want to take notes. She shows up tardy consistently. She is unfocused and not going to be ready for college if this behavior continues.

Last Friday, she straggles in tardy and shuffles around the room trying to pull everything together for class while the rest of the class is silently reading their books. Someone said something to her, to which she yelled out, "Shut up, N*@@&#!" I promptly asked her to step up to my podium to ask her to step out into the auditorium and have a seat til I was ready to deal with her. I pulled myself together, wrote her up, and paged a school official to come get her.

When we approached her, she got all whiny and said, "Aw Mr. Higdem, you wrote me up?" I then responded, " I wrote you up for being tardy, for disrupting the class who was trying to focus and for saying what you said. I do NOT allow language of that sort in my classroom!"

Here is the clincher...it seems her grandmother is the President of the local chapter of NAACP!!! Totally ironic. How can it be that someone could have such a horrific word in your vocabulary and use it so freely who has someone in their lives who fights so hard against its usage???

I know that it is different for white people when they say it in comparison to when black people say it. It has a different connotation and understanding, but it makes me uncomfortable to hear it. I now know what my friend, Mike McCandless, felt when he had to say it our musical Ragtime. He was so uncomfortable...but that character was defined by its usage.

It is so derogatory and has such a huge stigma attached to it. And now I live in the South and am learning so many things...and pushing so many limits and forcing myself to decide what I will and will not take in my classroom.



UPDATE: After a weekend away, she approached me prior to class and apologized for what she said and how she acted. I am thankful she found her big girl panties, put them on, and brought herself back to adult table instead of sitting at the kiddie one.

The Achievement of SUCCESS

You know? Today, two of my very good friends just accomplshed a major goal in their lives and I want to scream it from the rooftops!
They ran the Chicago Marathon!!!!!!!
They have been preparing for this for a very long time, have put in numerous hours of running, lots of shoe lace tying, lots of sacrifice, lots of sweat, and lots of tears.
I am so PROUD of you, Anthony and Erin!!
You both are ROCKSTARS in my book!!!

For P.E. Pendleton & Faith

i much prefer
my church
my temple
to be all of
Mother Earth
and more
The Universe
so when I want to be reminded of
Love
I walk
not into
a building of brick and mortar
but out
of one
where I am encircled
by the dancing heavens
and lifted
to my place.
-P.E. Pendleton
2/6/93

I have struggled with my faith for so many years. Struggled with myself and with God for so many years. I have struggled with the Bible and some of its teachings.
I do not believe that God would hate someone who is different from so many people.
I feel that we are all created in the face of God. He does not create trash and things that are not beautiful in His eye's.
I do not believe that church and love and God and faith and all the lofty ideas that go along with it can be confined to four brick and mortar walls. I find more peace and closeness to God when I am seated at the top of a butte in the Badlands of North Dakota or out in nature feeling the crisp fall air blow through my face as I look out into the red and orange leaved trees.
There is where God lives...

Wow!! Here I go...leaping and hoping for a net!

Taking a leap is the scariest thing anyone can do. And you hang there suspended in mid-air and hope for a net to catch you and bring you safely to the ground. You ignore that "inner voice", that inner critic that says to you, "What the HELL are you thinking" and go straight for the precipe.
About 9 months ago, an idea was consumated and began to evolve. Teaching high school students theatre and speech after working in retail for 11 years. Crazy thought.
There were many hurdles I had to leap over to get to the end goal. Those hurdles were leapt over one by one and have flown by me at such a blurry speed. I almost did not recognize them as they flew by...taking test after test and the worry that goes with meeting such deadlines. Hoping that by the time i got to the end of the test taking schedule that there would indeed be a job for me in the area of the state I wanted to be in. Someone up above looked out for me and indeed a job presented itself for application.
Interviews, waiting, application money sent in hopes that the job would all come together. Oddly it did and here i am about to complete my first 9 weeks.
I am not normally a leaper. Or better yet...It has been a long time since I have leaped like this. Here I am...still waiting for the proverbial "ball to drop".
And these new shoes feel so so on my feet. They feel great towards some students and events and feel not so great towards other. I just have to keep reminding myelf that I am here for a reason and most of all...I am teaching a craft I absolutely adore and it is NOT RETAIL.
I have started this blog because I enjoy reading my friend's lives. I want my life to mean something. I want to be someone who can be thought of as making a difference, someone who lived life to the very marrow of the bone and never EVER said I "coulda, shoulda, woulda" done this if only because...I cannot be that type of person and not go crazy because of it...
I am thankful for so many things...
I am sad about so many things...
I miss so many people in my life, but am grateful for this amazing opportunity and wait with breathless abandon at standing on the edge of the precipe and feeling the wind rush past my face, taking my breath away, as I take that first step and leap out into a world that I have no limits...no boundaries...no hesitation...