"I tire of 'Me'... "

I cannot tell you how many times I have thought this very phrase...
It hit me again today when it showed up in one of my student's poetry pieces...
The words came out of her mouth and struck such a chord with me.

There are numerous times when it is exhausting keeping up with ME. Keeping up with my thoughts...slowing down enough to really catch the true thoughts...slowing down enough for a spiritual touch base...

What I need is a break.
What I need is a break to regroup and stop...
Deal with my heart and mind and get them in sync...
My mind races...
I get caught up in too much of the events of the nation, bogged down with the events of the day, overwhelmed by the events of my life... struggle with what is on my heart and I just need a slowing mechanism...a gentle reminder to stop...

STOP.
BRAKES.
Breathe.
Regroup.
RECONNECT to LIFE Rhythm...which is always there...faintly...but there.

To be honest...
There are times when I struggle to find joy.
To find happiness.
To find purpose.
To make sense of what is going on around me.
I question EVERYTHING.
I struggle through the loudness and chaos of my mind...
The loud voices of the rat race...
Pulled in many different directions.
Causing my to lose sight of the end goal and purpose in my life...

And I just make myself tired with all this stuff.
I just plain exhaust myself.

I know that I am not the only one who feels this way...I am stating the obvious to a lot of us.
Sometimes I am TOO MUCH.

Being aware of this is the first step...
And getting it off my head and onto the page really helps me navigate my way through the overwhelming breakdown I feel...

I hear the words from a lot of you guys...
"Be kind to yourself."
"Give it time"
"Be easy on your heart"

I totally get this...
I am listening.
These words are always fast on my lips and on my mind when it gets overwhelming and I am learning...
And what immediately follows is gratitude and gratefulness...
For YOU.
For the race.
For life and all it has to offer.
And because of each and every one of you...
I find the energy to keep going.
Keep moving onward.
Keep attempting to figure it all out and for the joy and love I feel from each of you.

I thank you.
From the bottom of my heart.

Love/ Hate

And this is one of those hurdles.

I struggle with being a people pleaser. 

I have have struggled with this idea that I needed other people's approval in order to be happy, in order to assure myself that I was doing a good job.

 I needed constant assurance that I was doing a good job. 

And WHY? 

Because I was not secure in my own heart and head.

I have lived my entire life wondering the fact that perhaps I had disappointed someone and it always made me so sad. I lived my life hoping that I would never disappoint my parents, my grandparents, my family. And my entire thought process at times was centered around this rather than focusing on what my own thoughts and views were.

And you now what? 

It is GOING TO HAPPEN. 

And you have no control over other people's views or thoughts of you 

and your work 

and your heart 

and your actions. 

It is all on THEM and THEM alone.

It is all on them and has NOTHING to do with you...it is out of your control...

So why waste the energy and thought process on their approval and spend more valuable time working on YOU?

Why the  constantly need to have someone elses' approval? 

What should COUNT is did you feel success?

 Did you personally acheive an inner goal you set? 

What did you learn from the process?

And NEVER FORGET...be kind on yourself...

Be soft and always find a positive in each life experience.

There are always successes in amongst the life learning experiences. 

Areas of Opportunity to make yourself better. 

Make sure you find those in order to feel successful and work towards trying to silence the negative thoughts. 

Silence this constant need to please others and work on YOU and YOUR OWN VOICE.

You are your own biggest negative critic.

It's time to quiet the inner critic and work on finding the point where the one who defines your own success is YOU and YOU ALONE.