There is no way on God's green earth you could ever get me to consider politics as a possible future for me!
There is so much crap that goes down during an election...from the mudslinging, to the fear mongering, to the negativity, to the false words, to the he said/ she saids. It just gets old SO quickly! Why would anyone subject themselves to all of that? You could not PAY me enough to do that job!
Perhaps I feel this way because of the fact that it is a Presidential election year. Perhaps not... Every election has always the same tone, same rhetoric, same speeches, same fear, the same "I am here for the common man" and then somehow they get lost in the Washington Shuffle.
And I think that is EXACTLY what it all is...The Washington Shuffle.
I stay away from political discussion as much as I possibly can, especially with family. We just don't see eye-to-eye on different issues. I don't claim to be Democrat. I don't claim to be Republican. I vote for who I believe is the best man or woman for the job. I don't care about an elephant or an ass. Who do I believe is going to do the best job?
Now let me just say...I do not like to discuss politics. I will not request a discussion concerning the things I am about to say on here. I will delete comments that instigate any type of discussion or negativity or a party-line chit chat. But I am revealing who I am voting for this November and it is purely on a man's actions recently.
I am so thankful that a sitting American President has seen fit to say that I am a human being, that I count, and that I should have the same rights as any other American citizen. It has never happened in America, because no one has had the heart, the gumption, the where-with-all, to stand up for US.
In a world where "holy" people are now using their pulpits to say we are unholy, unfit, insane and should be corralled into cattle cars and sent to concentration camps behind electric fences. AND teach their 5 year old kids to stand up in front of their congregations and sing their hateful praises, turn around, and say, "I just don't know where they would learn something like that?" ...as an apology or a defense...
In a land where uncles can send political propaganda, in the name of HUMOR, and target their nephews with hateful bullshit, entitled, "Why I am Voting Democrat" and the first statement on the list states, " I should be able to marry whomever I want so I am going to go ahead an marry my German Shepherd." I am completely DISGUSTED by that!
In a world where if something would happen to a partner of many years, the family can swoop in, deny any rights to the surviving partner, and take over all functions, family issues, etc. With no rights given to the surviving partner...and they are JUSTIFIED in doing so! SERIOUSLY?
By the Way...I did respond to that uncle...I told him that I am completely offended by the fact that he felt the need to target his nephew in the name of humor...or maybe it wasn't humor...who knows...who cares...damage is already done. I went on to tell him that for the first time in my life, an American President has stood up for MY rights as a US citizen, as a human being, and has said that I am NOT a second class citizen as I, and those in my community, have been treated. I have rights and he has stated that those are the certain inalienable rights our forefathers gave to EVERYONE! That ALL men are created equal...that we have the rights of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness... And most importantly...the right to a BRIDAL REGISTRY!
And that is why I will cast my vote for this President. It is VERY clear where the other candidate stands...He might as well just go ahead and say that the barbed wire is going up and the electricity will be turned on very shortly...
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
Today, I am grateful for...
Every once in awhile, one has to find a little time to touch base with the things in your life that have brought you great joy and to recognize the things you are grateful for...
Channelling my inner Oprah today folks!!! :)
I am grateful for:
~ A partner who loves me, who supports me, who recognizes that I have imperfections and oddities and low days, and still is here. I am grateful for almost 3 years, honey, and am looking forward to many more of life's adventures ahead!
~ A family who not only loves me but also embraces my partner and supports both of us. I know that, in America today, this is not always the case. Recently, in various conversations with various groups of friends, I have found that the support is not always there. Sadly there are people who turn their backs on those who struggle to be honest with who they are. This is not the case with our families and for that I am so grateful.
~ A close circle of friends who love and support me, providing hours of laughter and giggles and joy. Friends who are there through thick and thin and support me even in the hard times. Friends who have just entered my life and have adventures yet to come. I have many many MANY wonderful memories and am so grateful to all of my friends along the way.
~I am grateful for the guidance I believe is heavenly driven. I know that God is watching over me as I flow through the journey here on Earth. I feel his presence and know that where I am today is where He intended me to be and can see His hand on my life's journey every step of the way. I know there are times when I struggle and fight and moan and question...but have to remember that He truly give me what I need, what I can handle at the right and proper time. I am also grateful for a new church that also provides me inspiration, a firm foundation, possibilities, and acceptance.
~I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for being here today where I am...warts and all...
~I am grateful for our home. There is nothing better than to be able to come home to the peace that this space provides, the joy that I find pulling into the drive each evening. I am grateful for the relaxation it provides. I am grateful for the frustration it provides. I am grateful for being able to work in the yard and getting dirt on my fingers. I am grateful for watering. I am grateful for painting. I am grateful for a new mailbox with our name on it!
~I am grateful for my neices and nephews. I am grateful for the joy that they provide in our lives. The sweet hugs and kisses for their guncles are the best. I saw Norah's first smile yesterday and it made my heart leap. To hold Cash and see him focus in SOOOOOOO hard on Justin's face...taking it all in...Priceless. To hear Gage and Gracie begin to find words...Amazing. To see Anna write her own name...AWESOME!!! To see Blaine growing into a smart, athletic, creative, energetic, young man...daunting and exciting all together.
~I am grateful for my co-workers. I am blessed to be able to work with some of the most creative, most talented, most nurturing people I have ever had the pleasure to work with. To watch them work with the kids is awe-inspiring. Sometimes I have to step back and pinch myself and remind myself... This is what you have been preapring for all you life and to get the chance to work with these wonderful people...Truly blessed!
So as you can see there is alot I am grateful for! I am excited about all of life's adventures ahead. More pictures to come...
Stay tuned!
Channelling my inner Oprah today folks!!! :)
I am grateful for:
~ A partner who loves me, who supports me, who recognizes that I have imperfections and oddities and low days, and still is here. I am grateful for almost 3 years, honey, and am looking forward to many more of life's adventures ahead!
~ A family who not only loves me but also embraces my partner and supports both of us. I know that, in America today, this is not always the case. Recently, in various conversations with various groups of friends, I have found that the support is not always there. Sadly there are people who turn their backs on those who struggle to be honest with who they are. This is not the case with our families and for that I am so grateful.
~ A close circle of friends who love and support me, providing hours of laughter and giggles and joy. Friends who are there through thick and thin and support me even in the hard times. Friends who have just entered my life and have adventures yet to come. I have many many MANY wonderful memories and am so grateful to all of my friends along the way.
~I am grateful for the guidance I believe is heavenly driven. I know that God is watching over me as I flow through the journey here on Earth. I feel his presence and know that where I am today is where He intended me to be and can see His hand on my life's journey every step of the way. I know there are times when I struggle and fight and moan and question...but have to remember that He truly give me what I need, what I can handle at the right and proper time. I am also grateful for a new church that also provides me inspiration, a firm foundation, possibilities, and acceptance.
~I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for being here today where I am...warts and all...
~I am grateful for our home. There is nothing better than to be able to come home to the peace that this space provides, the joy that I find pulling into the drive each evening. I am grateful for the relaxation it provides. I am grateful for the frustration it provides. I am grateful for being able to work in the yard and getting dirt on my fingers. I am grateful for watering. I am grateful for painting. I am grateful for a new mailbox with our name on it!
~I am grateful for my neices and nephews. I am grateful for the joy that they provide in our lives. The sweet hugs and kisses for their guncles are the best. I saw Norah's first smile yesterday and it made my heart leap. To hold Cash and see him focus in SOOOOOOO hard on Justin's face...taking it all in...Priceless. To hear Gage and Gracie begin to find words...Amazing. To see Anna write her own name...AWESOME!!! To see Blaine growing into a smart, athletic, creative, energetic, young man...daunting and exciting all together.
~I am grateful for my co-workers. I am blessed to be able to work with some of the most creative, most talented, most nurturing people I have ever had the pleasure to work with. To watch them work with the kids is awe-inspiring. Sometimes I have to step back and pinch myself and remind myself... This is what you have been preapring for all you life and to get the chance to work with these wonderful people...Truly blessed!
So as you can see there is alot I am grateful for! I am excited about all of life's adventures ahead. More pictures to come...
Stay tuned!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
What is in a mentor?
This is a term that has been bantered about here in my life here lately. I actually had the pleasure of being able to travel back to my Alma mater, University of Arkansas at Monticello, to speak at the retirement party of one of my mentors from college, Mr R. David Ray. This man made such a huge impact on my life in so many ways and has been such an amazing example of what being a mentor truly is...
In my speech, I stated that Mr. Ray was a coach who instilled a little fear with a whole lot of respect. You worked hard because you wanted to please him, to make him proud of your accomplishments. I have found this to be a very valuable tool with coaching my own team. Mr. Ray's assistance did not stop with each performance. His love and concern did not stop when you walked across that graduation stage. He could be counted on for feedback, for a strong listening ear, and for assistance at any time. It was 15 years later and many miles placed on the roads of my life and I found his name placed before me again, surprisingly!! I did not put him on a reference list for an interview I had down in Arkansas. I just felt like it would be too much of an inconvenience after 15 years of only Christmas letters and an occasional touch base.
So I sit down for the interview and the first question asked was to explain my UAM experience, namely my time with the Speech and Debate team. I went on to praise my time, my experience with R. David Ray and how wonderful a learning experience it had been. I actually was stopped by one of the interviewers and was told that they had already contacted Mr. Ray about me and that he had provided a glowing review. I sat there in SHOCK!!!! I can truly say that I am where I am today because of this amazing mentor and friend...
But you know, I have been blessed with many many MANY mentors all my life. People who have unselfishly given of their time, their effort, their love, their concern, their understanding and gentle pushing...I consider myself so lucky and so blessed...
So here they are, among others...
To Mrs. Simek: Thank you for providing me the opportunity to create my first play in your second grade class...I believe it was with her guidance and love that truly the theatre bug was instilled in that little Santa Claus. You see, she wanted to present the poem, "The Night Before Christmas" for our class...I approached her desk and asked if we could make it into a theatre performance and asked if I could direct. She expanded the idea and we created a performance for our parents. I still remember taking my puffy red jacket and turning it inside out to become Santa Claus.
To Mrs. Evanson: Thank you for providing me with a firm base of self-worth and for recognizing that I had value as a human being. This woman truly helped me in more ways that she could ever have known. I would go through a divorce of my family years later when I would reflect on everything Mrs. Evanson had taught us about inner strength, creativity and to embrace who were are, warts and all.
To Mrs. Allmaras (now Gunter): Thank you for instilling in me the joy of music. With you, rehearsal never ever EVER felt like torture. You taught me, through voice lessons and through your daily choral example, that music could be fun and emotional and fulfilling. It was an absolute joy and I also was able to experience what it was to have a confidante, a friend, and someone who embraced me for who I was even though I did not know myself. Many years later when singing and music was not an option for me, with surgery looming, I would reflect back and push myself by saying, "What would Tami do in this situation?" I pushed myself to not get forlorn about the circumstances but to allow healing and know that I would indeed sing one day...for that I will be forever grateful.
To Tom Bernard: Thank you for your creativity, for your passion of theatre, for showing me the example of what it was to push myself as a student as well as a theatre director. You continue to be an inspiration to me even from across the country. Not a day goes by that I don't hear your voice in my head, pushing me to explore more, to question more, to figure out new, innovative ways to express myself. And you are the reason my students now claim I MIGHT have a PEEPS problem!! :)
To Susie Baer-Collins: Thank you so much for the strong example you set in the Omaha Theatre community. I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful an experience it is to observe you in work and to be an actor in one of your productions. I am able to use your strong work ethic as an example to my own kids! But it was something else you had said that stuck with me throughout the years...It was something you had said, in a director's consortium at UNO to future aspiring theatre directors, that has stuck in my head. It is a phrase I tell each of my classes and was reminded of it again this passed weekend during my speech at UAM. "If something scares the piss outta ya, you have to try it at least once!" YES!!!! If only we could all follow this mantra, think of what kind of world it would be that we would live in??
I know we all have strong mentors who have provided such strong examples of how to create a life well lived, who encourage us to try new things, who instill the seed of learning in the hopes that it will blossom and grow into something very beautiful on which to build a life. I am grateful to have so richly blessed with talented, wonderful, nurturing people who have provided such a firm foundation on which I build my own life. It is in how I treat those around me. It is in how I live my life day to day. It is in how I approach my interactions with my fellow man...and to them I will always be eternally grateful.
In my speech, I stated that Mr. Ray was a coach who instilled a little fear with a whole lot of respect. You worked hard because you wanted to please him, to make him proud of your accomplishments. I have found this to be a very valuable tool with coaching my own team. Mr. Ray's assistance did not stop with each performance. His love and concern did not stop when you walked across that graduation stage. He could be counted on for feedback, for a strong listening ear, and for assistance at any time. It was 15 years later and many miles placed on the roads of my life and I found his name placed before me again, surprisingly!! I did not put him on a reference list for an interview I had down in Arkansas. I just felt like it would be too much of an inconvenience after 15 years of only Christmas letters and an occasional touch base.
So I sit down for the interview and the first question asked was to explain my UAM experience, namely my time with the Speech and Debate team. I went on to praise my time, my experience with R. David Ray and how wonderful a learning experience it had been. I actually was stopped by one of the interviewers and was told that they had already contacted Mr. Ray about me and that he had provided a glowing review. I sat there in SHOCK!!!! I can truly say that I am where I am today because of this amazing mentor and friend...
But you know, I have been blessed with many many MANY mentors all my life. People who have unselfishly given of their time, their effort, their love, their concern, their understanding and gentle pushing...I consider myself so lucky and so blessed...
So here they are, among others...
To Mrs. Simek: Thank you for providing me the opportunity to create my first play in your second grade class...I believe it was with her guidance and love that truly the theatre bug was instilled in that little Santa Claus. You see, she wanted to present the poem, "The Night Before Christmas" for our class...I approached her desk and asked if we could make it into a theatre performance and asked if I could direct. She expanded the idea and we created a performance for our parents. I still remember taking my puffy red jacket and turning it inside out to become Santa Claus.
To Mrs. Evanson: Thank you for providing me with a firm base of self-worth and for recognizing that I had value as a human being. This woman truly helped me in more ways that she could ever have known. I would go through a divorce of my family years later when I would reflect on everything Mrs. Evanson had taught us about inner strength, creativity and to embrace who were are, warts and all.
To Mrs. Allmaras (now Gunter): Thank you for instilling in me the joy of music. With you, rehearsal never ever EVER felt like torture. You taught me, through voice lessons and through your daily choral example, that music could be fun and emotional and fulfilling. It was an absolute joy and I also was able to experience what it was to have a confidante, a friend, and someone who embraced me for who I was even though I did not know myself. Many years later when singing and music was not an option for me, with surgery looming, I would reflect back and push myself by saying, "What would Tami do in this situation?" I pushed myself to not get forlorn about the circumstances but to allow healing and know that I would indeed sing one day...for that I will be forever grateful.
To Tom Bernard: Thank you for your creativity, for your passion of theatre, for showing me the example of what it was to push myself as a student as well as a theatre director. You continue to be an inspiration to me even from across the country. Not a day goes by that I don't hear your voice in my head, pushing me to explore more, to question more, to figure out new, innovative ways to express myself. And you are the reason my students now claim I MIGHT have a PEEPS problem!! :)
To Susie Baer-Collins: Thank you so much for the strong example you set in the Omaha Theatre community. I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful an experience it is to observe you in work and to be an actor in one of your productions. I am able to use your strong work ethic as an example to my own kids! But it was something else you had said that stuck with me throughout the years...It was something you had said, in a director's consortium at UNO to future aspiring theatre directors, that has stuck in my head. It is a phrase I tell each of my classes and was reminded of it again this passed weekend during my speech at UAM. "If something scares the piss outta ya, you have to try it at least once!" YES!!!! If only we could all follow this mantra, think of what kind of world it would be that we would live in??
I know we all have strong mentors who have provided such strong examples of how to create a life well lived, who encourage us to try new things, who instill the seed of learning in the hopes that it will blossom and grow into something very beautiful on which to build a life. I am grateful to have so richly blessed with talented, wonderful, nurturing people who have provided such a firm foundation on which I build my own life. It is in how I treat those around me. It is in how I live my life day to day. It is in how I approach my interactions with my fellow man...and to them I will always be eternally grateful.
Monday, June 25, 2012
my life in journals...
What an eye opening experience it has been to be home and going through all of the things in my storage. I have had journals from way back in 1996 that I have had the chance to read through and enjoy and ponder and laugh at and shake my head. It is just mind boggling how we change over the years.
I am grateful for the knowledge that comes with age. What floors me is how much of a hopeless romantic I was. I would fall head over heals for every "Prince Charming" and so the journals reflect that...I struggled like every sparkly-eyed schoolgirl, falling hopelessly for every first date...dreamily hoping for that second date...that first kiss... The pages reflect insecurity, reflect frustration, reflect the struggles of dating that I think we all go through and how hard it is to find the right person to share our lives with.
NOW, I am grateful for the longevity of my relationship with Justin. I am grateful for the calm that is in my life. I am a better person because he is in my life. I am able to be who I am, am able to find the goals to cross off the list, am able to enjoy holding hands and know that he feels the same towards me. And for that I am grateful.
We struggle sure! We have hopes and dreams that are very different. We have jobs that are very different and require different things. We enjoy different hobbies. However, we have hopes and dreams that are very much the same. We are so blessed to have family who love us. We are so blessed to have a wonderful home, where we can entertain friends and family, where we hope to one day bring a child into our lives and create the family we have always wanted.
These journals are very eye-opening. It truly has been a fun adventure where I am able to share the stories of my life and of which there are plenty. The travels of my life after graduate school, the funny occurrences, the ins and outs of working through life's struggles.
What is interesting is that these journals have now transferred to this blog...a more technically savvy form of correspondence. Now many can place the joke here about me being SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO technology savvy! :)
What is also very fun is to see how much I have changed and how much I have not...
And I am grateful that I have these as a record of a life well lived...
I am grateful for the knowledge that comes with age. What floors me is how much of a hopeless romantic I was. I would fall head over heals for every "Prince Charming" and so the journals reflect that...I struggled like every sparkly-eyed schoolgirl, falling hopelessly for every first date...dreamily hoping for that second date...that first kiss... The pages reflect insecurity, reflect frustration, reflect the struggles of dating that I think we all go through and how hard it is to find the right person to share our lives with.
NOW, I am grateful for the longevity of my relationship with Justin. I am grateful for the calm that is in my life. I am a better person because he is in my life. I am able to be who I am, am able to find the goals to cross off the list, am able to enjoy holding hands and know that he feels the same towards me. And for that I am grateful.
We struggle sure! We have hopes and dreams that are very different. We have jobs that are very different and require different things. We enjoy different hobbies. However, we have hopes and dreams that are very much the same. We are so blessed to have family who love us. We are so blessed to have a wonderful home, where we can entertain friends and family, where we hope to one day bring a child into our lives and create the family we have always wanted.
These journals are very eye-opening. It truly has been a fun adventure where I am able to share the stories of my life and of which there are plenty. The travels of my life after graduate school, the funny occurrences, the ins and outs of working through life's struggles.
What is interesting is that these journals have now transferred to this blog...a more technically savvy form of correspondence. Now many can place the joke here about me being SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO technology savvy! :)
What is also very fun is to see how much I have changed and how much I have not...
And I am grateful that I have these as a record of a life well lived...
Monday, June 18, 2012
Reflection of the past year
I am not one of those endorsers who tries to sell anyone ANYTHING. Cannot not stand being SOLD to... But I have to share something with you...
One of the neatest things I have experienced here recently is a wonderful movie-making program I was given by a family member at Christmas. It is called "MAGIX Movie Edit Pro" and it is this great program where you can take the pictures from your life's adventures and put them to music. Creating this movie about your travels, your childhood, your climb, your journey etc. Kind of like the Windows Movie Maker, but I think it is much better and easier to navigate.
One of the bonuses that has come along with this new avenue of study has been the ability to go back into the ole photo albums and find the fondest pics...you know the ones...the ones where you are naked in the baby bathtub aka sink, or chasing the dog at your grandparents, you know the ones...the ones where you look so innocent and youthful, before the gray hairs come to play? The photos of family members long gone, but not forgotten. The ones where your parents look so young and it reminds you that your parents were indeed young and adventurous and did indeed once go to high school and went to prom and were indeed excited about that crazy car you would not be caught dead in today. LOL!!
Grab your scanner, get this program, find some music and get to creating movies of your own life...it is super easy.
I have had the opportunity to create these movies of my life and to be able to share them as gifts for my folks this year...a wonderful opportunity to say the least. I love reminiscing and looking back, reflecting through photos and being creative in the development of a movie of our lives...what a wonderous gift we were given.
My mom's centered around her retirement from her job with almost 38 years of service. Her party's theme was "Inspiration, Persperation, and Drive." and the video reflected that. I found lots of very powerful quotes from various sources and searched for empowering music like Celine Dion's "Taking Chances" to Lady Gaga's " Edge of Glory. Photos included photos from co-workers as well as step-dad and my own selections, including my most favorite photo of all of my mom...
It was a difficult time for both of us and she and I decided to drive out to Medora and hang out in the Badlands for a few days, catch the show, and do a little hiking. Mom is afraid of heights and the fact that she even got to the top of this butte is pretty neat, but then to get this moment of her looking out over the Badlands absolutely ROCKS!!!
My dad's videos centered around our lives together and was made with his birthday, as well as Father's Day, in mind. I made one centered around last year's trip to Paris, Barcelona, and Madrid he, Pam, and I shared.
Dad and I share a love of music so even the selection of the music for his birthday video was pretty emotional for me...One of my absolute favorite photos I included was of he and Mom at an early age. Not sure if I was in the picture or not...but I am guessing yes... They look so happy and Dad is just as goofy as ever...we have shared many more goofy moments together since then...
Awesome memories and a wonderful emotional trip for memory lane...
Feel so blessed and creative and grateful for this opportunity to create memories...
One of the neatest things I have experienced here recently is a wonderful movie-making program I was given by a family member at Christmas. It is called "MAGIX Movie Edit Pro" and it is this great program where you can take the pictures from your life's adventures and put them to music. Creating this movie about your travels, your childhood, your climb, your journey etc. Kind of like the Windows Movie Maker, but I think it is much better and easier to navigate.
One of the bonuses that has come along with this new avenue of study has been the ability to go back into the ole photo albums and find the fondest pics...you know the ones...the ones where you are naked in the baby bathtub aka sink, or chasing the dog at your grandparents, you know the ones...the ones where you look so innocent and youthful, before the gray hairs come to play? The photos of family members long gone, but not forgotten. The ones where your parents look so young and it reminds you that your parents were indeed young and adventurous and did indeed once go to high school and went to prom and were indeed excited about that crazy car you would not be caught dead in today. LOL!!
Grab your scanner, get this program, find some music and get to creating movies of your own life...it is super easy.
I have had the opportunity to create these movies of my life and to be able to share them as gifts for my folks this year...a wonderful opportunity to say the least. I love reminiscing and looking back, reflecting through photos and being creative in the development of a movie of our lives...what a wonderous gift we were given.
My mom's centered around her retirement from her job with almost 38 years of service. Her party's theme was "Inspiration, Persperation, and Drive." and the video reflected that. I found lots of very powerful quotes from various sources and searched for empowering music like Celine Dion's "Taking Chances" to Lady Gaga's " Edge of Glory. Photos included photos from co-workers as well as step-dad and my own selections, including my most favorite photo of all of my mom...
My dad's videos centered around our lives together and was made with his birthday, as well as Father's Day, in mind. I made one centered around last year's trip to Paris, Barcelona, and Madrid he, Pam, and I shared.
Dad and I share a love of music so even the selection of the music for his birthday video was pretty emotional for me...One of my absolute favorite photos I included was of he and Mom at an early age. Not sure if I was in the picture or not...but I am guessing yes... They look so happy and Dad is just as goofy as ever...we have shared many more goofy moments together since then...
Feel so blessed and creative and grateful for this opportunity to create memories...
Sunday, June 17, 2012
The power of prayer
At church we are covering a session on the power of prayer and following a spiritual discipline of praying. There were alot of wonderful, thought-provoking thoughts brought out during a sermon that has been causing me to reflect on them...
Do I pray enough? From childhood, from praying every bedtime prayer and before every meal, til now where I pray while I am going somewhere and rarely before food...what changed?
One of the ideas brought out during the sermon was the fact that folks feel awkward doing it or maybe don't feel holy enough to get down on your knees to pray. Maybe some are out of practice or for some it feels too overwhelming. Maybe it is mild fumblings in an attempt to pray or that we do not feel worthy enough to ask our heavenly Father for guidance. That they have to be in the right mindset to pray.
Lots of ideas came flooding towards me while I sat there. I have indeed gotten out of practice. When I do pray, it is either at church or in a quick situation. I speak of the usual: gratitude for the blessings I have been given, guidance for my family and for myself as we live the life He has given us, health, watch out for those in hurtful times, grateful for my friends and all of life's blessings, etc. And in the calm of those moments, I can feel peace.
But is it a time that I physically set aside for prayer? No, definitely not. And this is probably why I enjoy church more and more as I go. A quiet time to reconnect to that inner peace that I envision as a gift from God. But there are times when I do feel all the hub-bub overwhelming even when I sit in a peaceful state of mind. The lists. The things I HAVE to get done. The things I have gone through the passed week. The "traumas" of life. The things I SHOULD be doing but DON'T have TIME.
I have contemplated setting aside a time for meditation and yoga...but as many of you know...I go go GO! There's that "having to be in the right mindset to pray" frame of mind coming through... I find myself in situations where I start something and give it up when the schedule gets to be too much or too overwhelming. Everything gets reshifted...and that is something I do not want to do in this situation...
I love the peace that comes from prayer. I find solace in the solitude. I feel connected...I find that there are mountain tops where I feel closer to God. I have always said that the Buttes of the Badlands at night when you have climbed to the top and lay down and are so close to touching the stars...this is God. The shooting stars, the northern lights...all God. But you can't have that 24/7. Life throws glitches in there and you have short amounts of God. You just have to find those moments where you can reconnect....
Maybe that's the key...finding short amounts of time to reconnect... Getting into a schedule to allow silence, calm, and refocus. It is so hard to find those times... I also find this blog as a chance to reconnect, reflect, and channel my thoughts and so perhaps become closer to peace and prayer?
Do I pray enough? From childhood, from praying every bedtime prayer and before every meal, til now where I pray while I am going somewhere and rarely before food...what changed?
One of the ideas brought out during the sermon was the fact that folks feel awkward doing it or maybe don't feel holy enough to get down on your knees to pray. Maybe some are out of practice or for some it feels too overwhelming. Maybe it is mild fumblings in an attempt to pray or that we do not feel worthy enough to ask our heavenly Father for guidance. That they have to be in the right mindset to pray.
Lots of ideas came flooding towards me while I sat there. I have indeed gotten out of practice. When I do pray, it is either at church or in a quick situation. I speak of the usual: gratitude for the blessings I have been given, guidance for my family and for myself as we live the life He has given us, health, watch out for those in hurtful times, grateful for my friends and all of life's blessings, etc. And in the calm of those moments, I can feel peace.
But is it a time that I physically set aside for prayer? No, definitely not. And this is probably why I enjoy church more and more as I go. A quiet time to reconnect to that inner peace that I envision as a gift from God. But there are times when I do feel all the hub-bub overwhelming even when I sit in a peaceful state of mind. The lists. The things I HAVE to get done. The things I have gone through the passed week. The "traumas" of life. The things I SHOULD be doing but DON'T have TIME.
I have contemplated setting aside a time for meditation and yoga...but as many of you know...I go go GO! There's that "having to be in the right mindset to pray" frame of mind coming through... I find myself in situations where I start something and give it up when the schedule gets to be too much or too overwhelming. Everything gets reshifted...and that is something I do not want to do in this situation...
I love the peace that comes from prayer. I find solace in the solitude. I feel connected...I find that there are mountain tops where I feel closer to God. I have always said that the Buttes of the Badlands at night when you have climbed to the top and lay down and are so close to touching the stars...this is God. The shooting stars, the northern lights...all God. But you can't have that 24/7. Life throws glitches in there and you have short amounts of God. You just have to find those moments where you can reconnect....
Maybe that's the key...finding short amounts of time to reconnect... Getting into a schedule to allow silence, calm, and refocus. It is so hard to find those times... I also find this blog as a chance to reconnect, reflect, and channel my thoughts and so perhaps become closer to peace and prayer?
Saturday, June 16, 2012
The birthday that came and went...
Some said I was being overly sensitive...
Some said it was perfectly ok for me to be a little emotional about it...
Some rubbed it in my face and thought it was funny...
Some just gave me a hug and said "I won't mention the day today, but know that you are loved"
Some brought a video of photos from my childhood that brought me to tears...the good kind.
Some drove miles and miles to be together on our milestone birthday year...and for that I am ever grateful...
Some brought cards and kept it very surface...which was so nice...
Some sent cards and well wishes from afar with wonderful words of encouragement that meant the absolute world to me...I could feel the love with every wish.
Most mentioned that the BEST IS YET TO COME. Most loved their 40's. I feel the same...I probably will love being 40, just not so close to the day reminder of my birth.
The birthday was exactly what I needed it to be...
There were no black balloons, no crepe paper streamers, or "Over the Hill" signs- no "Mourning the passing of your youth" crap to be seen and for that I am SUPER grateful. For you see, for me, that is the true essence of what this birthday was not for me...I have struggled and probably will struggle for awhile with this year and what it sybolizes to me personally. I am not in mourning nor did I want anything around me that showcased mourning...Why mourn a life well lived and more to come?
I am 40. (That seems so alien to me...)
I feel 25 and feel the child-like spirit inside of me bursting to get out. I feel by no means a 40 year old inside this body of mine.
I hyper-ventilated (inside) when I saw the "4" and "0" candles on top of the ice cream cake at my folks' house up in Minnesota. All I could think of was "Holy crapballs, no matter how much you deny it...There it is to SMACK you upside the head and say, 'Guess what' ?"
Truth be told, You cannot escape.
It doesn't sneak up on you at times. Sometimes it beats you across your face and says...like it or not, here I am...what are you going to do about it? Nothing you can do, but accept it as gracefully as you can and move forward.
Not beautiful.
Not sneaky.
Not bad.
Not kind.
Just Harsh and quick.
Time flies by so quickly when you are attempting to live life to its absolute fullest. And truthfully, isn't that what it is truly about...regardless of age? Live your life to its absolute fullest, filling every moment with vitality and vigor? I could, honestly do a better job of living...I find myself a little more entrenched than I would like...Perhaps I should hug harder. Love even harder. Pray even harder than that. Make sure that those important people in your life know that you love them.
As Mame says in Auntie Mame: "Life is a banquet and most sons-of-bitches are starving themselves."
That is the truest motto ever spoke.
And I am ok with that.
I am going to live my life to its absolute fullest as best I can, with childlike eyes and brighter vision. Forgive me if I stutter a while on saying it when asked. Forgive me when I wince when the question is asked...I am trying hard to embrace it, but it will be what it is...
Bring on the next year...and may it be filled with adventures that I will never forget.
Some said it was perfectly ok for me to be a little emotional about it...
Some rubbed it in my face and thought it was funny...
Some just gave me a hug and said "I won't mention the day today, but know that you are loved"
Some brought a video of photos from my childhood that brought me to tears...the good kind.
Some drove miles and miles to be together on our milestone birthday year...and for that I am ever grateful...
Some brought cards and kept it very surface...which was so nice...
Some sent cards and well wishes from afar with wonderful words of encouragement that meant the absolute world to me...I could feel the love with every wish.
Most mentioned that the BEST IS YET TO COME. Most loved their 40's. I feel the same...I probably will love being 40, just not so close to the day reminder of my birth.
The birthday was exactly what I needed it to be...
There were no black balloons, no crepe paper streamers, or "Over the Hill" signs- no "Mourning the passing of your youth" crap to be seen and for that I am SUPER grateful. For you see, for me, that is the true essence of what this birthday was not for me...I have struggled and probably will struggle for awhile with this year and what it sybolizes to me personally. I am not in mourning nor did I want anything around me that showcased mourning...Why mourn a life well lived and more to come?
I am 40. (That seems so alien to me...)
I feel 25 and feel the child-like spirit inside of me bursting to get out. I feel by no means a 40 year old inside this body of mine.
I hyper-ventilated (inside) when I saw the "4" and "0" candles on top of the ice cream cake at my folks' house up in Minnesota. All I could think of was "Holy crapballs, no matter how much you deny it...There it is to SMACK you upside the head and say, 'Guess what' ?"
Truth be told, You cannot escape.
It doesn't sneak up on you at times. Sometimes it beats you across your face and says...like it or not, here I am...what are you going to do about it? Nothing you can do, but accept it as gracefully as you can and move forward.
Not beautiful.
Not sneaky.
Not bad.
Not kind.
Just Harsh and quick.
Time flies by so quickly when you are attempting to live life to its absolute fullest. And truthfully, isn't that what it is truly about...regardless of age? Live your life to its absolute fullest, filling every moment with vitality and vigor? I could, honestly do a better job of living...I find myself a little more entrenched than I would like...Perhaps I should hug harder. Love even harder. Pray even harder than that. Make sure that those important people in your life know that you love them.
As Mame says in Auntie Mame: "Life is a banquet and most sons-of-bitches are starving themselves."
That is the truest motto ever spoke.
And I am ok with that.
I am going to live my life to its absolute fullest as best I can, with childlike eyes and brighter vision. Forgive me if I stutter a while on saying it when asked. Forgive me when I wince when the question is asked...I am trying hard to embrace it, but it will be what it is...
Bring on the next year...and may it be filled with adventures that I will never forget.
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