allowing those moments to wash over you...
don't deny them or ignore them...
just let them be and happen and embrace them passionately...
to struggle and deny and ignore is just plain tiring...
Surely there is a higher power that helps and guides and one just has to find the moments of silences to hear the voice from within...
2015 had so much extra hurdles...extra baggage...extra events I was not fully prepared for...
There are even times when you cannot control everything. As much as you would like to...
However...you cannot carry so much baggage with you at times....if you carry everything with you on this road of life....that is just plain exhausting...you got to let folks in and ask for help...don't be afraid to ask for help and to work your way through this luggage...and remember, Louis Vitton luggage is just a fancier package folks...deny that it's luggage but it's still baggage...and you have to work your way through it and find the strength to move forward and through it all...leaving as much of the baggage you can behind...emerging stronger and more truer to yourself, your beliefs, and to those around you.
Mom said it best...The highlight of 2015 was Justin's and my wedding. Everything centered around that event was filled with love, joy, and happiness...It was a beautiful day surrounded by family and friends and we are so blessed to have been given this day, this moment, this event...
but then, it seems, 2015 went down from there...
Tiff's death...and all that encapsulates...still struggling to find some peace in this...
The expansion of Mom's cancer...for those who do not know...we are now dealing with the spread of breast cancer into various places all over her body and we are now aggressively pursuing chemo and what that all encapsulates. Many difficult discussions have come from this and for those I am oddly grateful...I can feel myself losing more and more of my filter, losing more and more of my childish ways and growing into a stronger adult version of myself...becoming even more and more protective of my Mom and of her legacy to our family and to those around her...encouraging her to take hold of her own life and make it a party...every moment...
Even the scary, saddening, angry moments...making them into a shift of emotions...where losing your hair could be very sad...we are looking at it as a party...Cut your own damn hair off and say, "Fuck this...I am in control of this...and then go out and put that HOT PINK BOB on and stick that middle finger up to cancer and just revel in your own power."
it is scary as hell...but also showcases that you do have power over some situations even more than you may think you do at times...it is so easy to feel powerless during these difficult times....so when you can make the shift to taking power of what you can control...take these moments for what they are and relish in them.
This is where I think prayer and reaching out to others is very important.
This is something you cannot go through alone...and shouldn't have to...
Letting go of what you can so that you don't tire yourself out.
Heal.
Grow.
Move forward.
Support each other in the process...
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