A beautiful sentiment...

A friend of mine from Omaha posted a lovely meditation the other day that I felt needed to be re-posted here and given a great deal of thought too...She posted it from a passage entitled "Meditations before Kaddish"

I have always been intrigued by rituals and rites of different cultures and religions. For those who may not know, the Kaddish is a hymn of praise to God found in the Jewish Prayer Service. The central theme of the Kaddish is the magnification and sanctification of God's name.

The term "Kaddish" is often used to refer specifically to "The Mourner's Kaddish" and is said as part of the mourning rituals in Judaism in all prayer services, as well as at funerals and memorials. When mention is made of "saying Kaddish", this refers to the rituals of mourning. Mourners say Kaddish to show that despite the loss they still praise God.

What I love about the former statement is the fact that even through suffering and mourning, we still find ways to praise and worship. As we struggle through death and the overwhelming sadness, it is important to celebrate a life well lived. 

The following follows this example and is from the above mentioned passage ...

"When I die give what's left of me away

to children and old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry,

cry for your brother walking the street beside you.

And when you need me, put your arms around anyone

and give them what you need to give me.

I want to leave you something,

something better than words or sounds.

Look for me in the people I've known or loved,

and if you cannot give me away,

at least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind.

You can love me best by letting hands touch hands,

and by letting go of children that need to be free.

Love doesn't die, people do.

So, when all that's left of me is love, 

give me away."

Isn't that beautiful?

In the midst of all the sadness and grief, we are encouraged to look into the eyes of others and see the love that was placed there by our loved one. The passage tells us to be selfless and place our focus forward. I absolutely love that.

I think the most profound statement is "LOVE doesn't die, PEOPLE do." and encourages us to give all of the love that was poured into our hearts and soul by our loved one away to the others around us. I firmly believe that the love will multiple leaps and bounds and will never be extinguished. I think this is profound and beautiful and joyous.

Carry on, my fellow sojourners...

Carry on with these thought in mind...

Definition of "Success"

So probably 15 or 16 years ago, I got my first tattoo. Many folks say, you want to make SURE that it is something that is important to you, something that holds value in your life, that holds meaning, holds nostalgia.

I had something to prove to myself. I wanted to show myself that I could, in fact, endure pain. That I could have something that I created that I would hold near and dear as a reminder of my effort. I asked many folks recommendations and what I could expect from the experience. Many told me to expect the outlining to be the hardest part, that by the time they get to the shading portion of the tattoo experience, your skin is numb and would be fine from that point forward. LIES, by the way.
I went off the recommendation of one friend and found the little shop in south Omaha and gave the show owner a call. I went down for my appointment and began to look through the many, many, MANY examples they had on the shop walls. After many ideas and decisions, I finally picked a sun burst design and wanted to place an symbol for "success" in the center of it. I opted for shades of yellow, orange, reds, and black.

Years have past and I now look back on that choice and think, "What the heck were you thinking, Higdem?"

The colors have since faded and all that is left is this outline of the sun burst and this symbol for SUCCESS. I think it is the later that I question the most. SUCCESS...such an ambiguous term and how exactly does that one word become a life mantra when there are so many others I could have chosen?

PEACE.
BREATHE.
FORWARD.
JOY.
So many other options I could have selected and yet I chose SUCCESS...Feel like it was such an odd choice.

I look back on my life and the journey I have taken to get here to this place, to this moment, to this fork in the road and think, could there not have been a stronger choice of words to describe me as a person, as a performer, as an artist, as a fellow human on this road called life and I could have chosen something other than SUCCESS.

What exactly does SUCCESS mean? How does one achieve absolute SUCCESS? Truth be told, I don't think you can...You can't. If you are like me, you are always looking forward, looking towards the next rung on the ladder to climb towards, looking back and thinking, were you absolutely successful? ABSOLUTELY achieved everything without scrapes, without doubts, without second thoughts, without disappointments and bruises.

But also truth be told, it is the bumps and bruises and disappointments that DEFINE us. It is in those moments of self-reflection that we truly see what God was trying to show us, to teach us. I was just saying this past weekend, that I look forward to June when I can spend a little reflection time to look back and think now what the heck were you trying to show me, God, when you threw these hurdles at me? I am not there yet. I am immersed in the RACE. I am in the middle of the hectic push to the end and it is exhausting. The future looks questionable at the moment. I am not sure. I am tired. I am trying to just hang on by the cuticles on the rock ledge and get to the finish line before I can take that MUCH NEEDED break.

And one thing is assured...that tattoo is coming up on a redesign...
What it will look like, not sure...but it will have a stronger connection to my soul than some obscure random element that I am questioning 15 years later...