Positive or Negative?

I am guilty...
I spoke from regret...

A friend of mine called me needing help with situation that he needed my feedback on. He has been going on a couple of dates with a man who he really finds himself enjoying spending time with. On one of the dates they went on, the date turned to a discussion of the fact that the man was HIV positive. My friend just was not sure how to handle this information. He needed feedback, my thoughts, and wanted to just bend my ear. As we chatted more, my friend added that his date was 10 years into this diagnosis, 8 of those were basically symptom free, being on today's medications.

My thoughts immediately turned to David, a young man I went out with in my past. I remember his shyness, yet was drawn to the sparkle in his eye and his sweet smile. After a few dates, we headed down that awkward conversation my friend had just gone through. I have to say that I handled the situation poorly. David mentioned that folks treated him as an outcast once they found out his news. I have to admit, I kept my calm outside while the inside of me was tearing apart with lots of questions and in freak out mode. I did not handle it well at all and we quickly parted ways and I sadly upheld the horrible mode of dating life David had become accustomed to.

I have regretted the way I treated David after hearing his news. My dating history is sometimes not a good one. This was year's ago and although the risk of getting HIV is still prevalent, with today's medication regimens, the disease is almost undetectable. Safe sex is still a must obviously but thankfully longevity of life is more prevalent today with these huge advances.

Where my self-disappointment is that I have very good  friends who are HIV positive. Why would I go into freak out mode like this with someone who was being completely honest with me? Why would I turn into a douche bag and not call David back? He was so shy that he never called for another date, which was probably ok as I was not in the right mind set at that time...

I feel horrible about the way I treated David...

Yet when the friend called to ask, years later, for my help and assistance, my thoughts turned to David and I spoke to my friend in a mode of regret of how I should have handled the situation and discussions. It seems that my friend is on the cusp of a really great adventure and his date is open and honest and forthcoming with his diagnosis. I encouraged my friend to do some soul searching, some research, get your heart caught up with your head. I encouraged him to keep an open forum with the date to let him know that he is open to dating, that he is doing some soul searching, and that he is very interested. The discussion went very well on Saturday eve and for that I am grateful. They are going to continue dating while my friend works through everything. Taking it slow, which is the best route to go for any beginning relationship. Four seasons as my Mom says. My friend even mentioned the possibility of going through counseling which I think is a wonderful idea...if only I had been as knowledgeable...

 I can live vicariously through the friend and know that years have tempered my thought process.