How's that working for you?

Stuck in a rut?

Feel like the mouse in the spinning wheel and just running and running and running and running and running and going absolutely nowhere?

Saying over and over that you are gonna tackle that next hurdle?

Procrastination Station?

Reaching out to those around you seeking advice and then not taking the feedback to heart?

I think a very important reflective question we need to ask is the above...

And sadly, Dr Phil beat me to it... but...

How's that working out for you?

Sometimes it is just important to PAUSE.

Take a deep breath.

And reflect on how everything is going...

Make adjustments and changes accordingly...

And sadly...

It's all about life choices.

Choosing one thing will limit or define other aspects of life...and vice versa

and the hard part is this friends...

We do have to choose.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Because even NOT choosing...

Is a Choice.

But making the choice to change is a huge turning point

And inspiring.

And scary.

And numbing.

And exhausting.

AND AMAZING.

But if something is not working in your life, you have to take the risk, and say to yourself...

This is not working for me.

How do I fix this?

Deciding to do what actually will work for you takes inner strength, where-with-all, and courage.

And as my husband says, "Not sticking your head in the sand and thinking that it will all pass."

It won't.

It will just get pushed aside only to come back later with a vengeance.

Getting out of your comfort zone is also something scary but can bring great benefits!! And take you down a path you may not have even known was there!

Thinking outside the Box -pun intended-is always scary yet when you get to the other side and look back on your journey, it truly can be awe-inspiring...

and liberating.

and bring you great joy.

And friends...

It's not all wine and roses.

I know this...

But perhaps it is time to think through those next steps.

Perhaps it is time.

I can feel a new adventure beginning...

Not sure what it all means...

But I am going at this...

with new eyes.

with an open heart.

and open to the possibilities.

Unapologetic

The older I get, the more ballsy I become...
The older I get the more in awe I get of various things that catch my eye...
The older I get the more emotional I get...
The older I get the more confident I become and the more I look at my past and just shake my head.
Why I allowed myself to carry that along with me?
Why I allowed others to have so much power to define my life?
Why I debilitated myself towards shame and timidity and self-loathing and doubt and grief and growth and heart...
But I also have learned to embrace the idea that I am getting too old to put up with nonsense...
There are things I refuse to apologize for...
I refuse to apologize for who I love. I love Justin Box-Higdem with all my heart. Yes he is a man. Yes I am man. Now if you can't deal with that...go elsewhere...or I will...
I refuse to apologize for pursuing my bucket list and my dreams.
I refuse to allow someone else to unleash their jaded views of how they see the world to force me to define my own world according to them. I won't do it.
I refuse to allow negativity to have a place in my life...for too long...
I refuse to do anything that isn't thoughtful, that isn't building my creativity, that isn't allowing me freedom of expression...or my students.

Here's what I will do:
I will ALWAYS fight for the underdog.
And I will always bring a shoulder to lean on to the discussion.
I will ALWAYS try to listen with an open mind and heart.
Before I speak.
I will continue to ground myself and breathe.
I will love with my whole heart and live this live this life as it was meant to be lived...
FULLY
DEEPLY
CREATIVELY
And with the eyes of a child and the heart and soul of a man.

Amen

Find your inner superhero

For those of you who know my husband, you know that he has an amazing knowledge of comic books, video games, and super heroes. Over our 11 years together, he has hooked me in so the movies and leaves me in awe every time he goes into the chronoligical order of how each superhero came to be, and the adventures they each faced, and how they died. I even know that all I have to do is say the words, "The movie LOGAN sucked." and it gets and immediate response.
I have always been intrigued as to why superrheroes, other than the bulging muscles and the hot, tight pants and cape. You knew I had to go there, friends, right? But why are we so intrigued by super human power. By the need to be saved. The concepts that these superheroes possess and what would happen if we could indeed fly and perform super heroic acts to save the world.

I think it is important to look at some of the attributes super heroes possess and perhaps see a need to dig deeper to include these in our day-to-day lives? Just a thought...

The first is strength. 

Super human or not.

Digging deep to find the strength to get through the tough times. To know that you CAN do this with or without someone's approval or assistance. Knowing that you have within you the strength to face any hurdle, as hard as it might seem and will emerge on the other side a different human. And that it is okay.

The second is Believing in YOURSELF.

No one else can do this for you.

You have to figure out the way and trust yourself to get there.

Super heroes always find a way to beat their villain enemies, no matter how strong they are, or what ungodly monstrosity of weapon they bring, the super hero is always the one standing in the end and they don't doubt that that will be the end outcome.

Failure is not an option.

The world is depending on you.

The third is discipline and perseverance.

Knowing that in order to get the goal accomplished, 

you have to have the drive, the guts, the know-how to take the first step forward and the perseverance to keep walking forward one step at a time.

Setting the goal out in front of you and taking the first step.

and the second.

and the third.

and onward and upward.

And last, is a network of superhero friends who assist you in the end goal.

Remember that you are not alone in this adventure.

That you so have friends who support you in your journey and that they have lots of powers and connections to guide you in your own battle or life's race.

And that it is not a sign of weakness, this learning how to work together to achieve a common goal.

You have to learn to embrace your inner superhero.

Don't allow it to encompass you however, you have to find that balance.

Oh and don't forget a fabulous costume.

With some tight pants.

And a cape.

And some hot red high heeled go go boots.

And maybe a mask...

Too far?

NAH.

Coming home

I have spent the last few days working and then left for Minnesota to spend some time with the family before I head to Bismarck to sing with the Bismarck/Mandan Symphony for their 4th of July concert on the Capitol Steps.
This trip has been restful. I have slept so soundly. I don't sleep like this when school is in session, thats for sure.
On the way up to Minnesota, I listened to one of my podcasts, The Good Life Podcast, featuring an interview with Nadia Bolz-Weber. She recently just released a powerful book that I devoured. It is called Shameless: A Sexual Revolution. If you have ever been treated like you were less. That you were headed for fire and brimstone because of who you love. If you have ever been sexually mistreated, this is the book for you. It's for those who feel lost from the idea of RELIGION. Have turned their backs because religion mistreated them, misused them, or hurt and beat them down all in the name of God and the Bible.
For those of you who follow Bolz-Weber, read her books, listen to her on podcasts, or just admire what she has to say about religion, she is quite the pot stirrer. But you know what? It is ABOUT TIME!!!!! For those of us who have lived in the face of religion feeling less than, being called less than, and basically destined for hell because of who we love, can you imagine the amount of shame and despair that brings to so many of us in the LGBTQ community?
One of the most beautiful chapters from the book talks about the fact that the one area the Bible gets it right from is the Gospels. Everything else pools out from there like a rock thrown into the water and ripple pools out from that spot. Jesus profoundly tells us to love one another and to live a life of love. No homosexuality. No gloom and doom. Just love. And he sets a strong example in all of this. The closer a book of the Bible falls to the gospels, the more impact it should have...the farther away form the gospels...the less impact...

BUH-BYE Leviticus...you were a VERY messy guest...but the invitation has been rescinded.

For those of us raised in religion, deeply into the fire and brimstone eras of the church, or perhaps the awful chapter of Catholic priests and sexual assault. The Bible misused. The power misused. The teachings misstated or interpreted for one person...if you are not white, not male, not straight...you have no hope according to today's church landscape...Perhaps we need to re-look at religion and what role we are going to allow it to have in our lives moving forward. Listen, if you are not there, you are NOT THERE. If you have been so hurt by organized religion, it is okay to shut that door. I firmly believe that.

But if you feel lost by this and long for some sense of spiritual direction, Bolz-Weber blew my mind by saying, " It's like coming home. Coming home to religion, but you get to decide how you will decorate the house." I love this concept. It speaks to my core. 

MIND BLOWN!!!!!

We are all made in God's image. He does not create trash and waste. He creates beauty. He creates love. He creates someone to love for everyone and creates a world we can all experience. She goes on to say that our sexuality is at odds with our spirituality. We have to believe that God did not create sex to be shameful, to be considered dirty, to be considered WRONG. Man did that and placed it into the Bible's pages under the guise of God's word...We are finding in today's research that were here all along and MAN did not want to allow. Homosexuality has been in the animal world for so long...GOD FORBID that other men should feel that way towards other men...It just ain't right...
WRONG.

Believe me, this is an ongoing struggle that I am coming to terms with. It has been a LONG battle uphill and back on this...
But through grace, and through a strong belief in a loving God, who gave us his strongest example to live each of our lives through, and how to do it through these examples...I firmly believe I am on the right path.

And I refuse to look backwards.
Get out of my way world, this house is coming through...