Boundaries are HARD

I learned a hard lesson in 2023...which will also extend into 2024.

Boundaries are HARD.

In the past, I have invested SO MUCH energy in everything I undertook. While that is beneficial and important and valuable, it is also exhausting and sometimes not reciprocated. In the past, whether it was matched or not, I continued to invest, to exude the energy through contact and connection and paid no attention to the consequences.

At what cost...

I have always been told that I am the one who maintains connection with old friends, have always reached out, have always been the one who called, the one who stayed the constant...but at what cost?

Through therapy and many visits with my husband, I came to the realization that I just was not good at boundaries...setting them, maintaining them...any of it. Truth be told, I am still learning these. I have always been afraid to hurt people's feelings, to disappoint people's expectations of me, or what I thought I needed to be. I have always wanted to be like my Dad and folks I look up to( mentors if you will) ... someone people reached out to, who are remembered for being kind, someone of strong advice, a go-to...but at what cost. I found that I was the one exuding the most energy, expending the most time to maintain the connection...

But I have come to realize that we are all human and make mistakes. That folks sometimes aren't as genuine as you remember them. God-forbid that, as you observe these folks you look up to, you begin to realize that their intentions are not always solid and formidable. That they are in it all for the appearances and not in it for the true investment, for the common good of others...and I KNOW I sometimes have a problem with this as well... Here is where the boundary wall needs to be set...and navigated.

The cost, I have come to find, is me...my welfare, my own energy, and exhaustion. 

What I have learned ( and am still learning) is to pay attention to the details...become more observant to the underscore rather than the presentation. Who reaches out without me having to? Whose intentions are a stronger undercurrent rather than what they put out there physically... Who are genuine in their intentions? That sometimes I do not have to be the life of the party, but can actually learn more in silence...and by listening...and observing...and grow from there.

And for that AH-Ha I am grateful. 

The consequence I have learned is that I have lost touch with folks, which is OKAY. Life gets us all...the hecticness of it all, the rat race, and the moving forward motion of life.

But also...setting strong boundaries are important. Learning that other people's choices are indeed that...their choices... and that there are sometimes ramifications for those choices has been a tough lesson for me to navigate and figure out. But I have to protect myself from the hurt caused AND protect those that I love and am closest to in the process. And that is important.

In 2024, I will continue to grow from there.

More soon.