So, as many of you may or may not know, I have been having vocal problems/ issues for the last two years. A new way of thinking, a surgery to remove an enlarged polyp, lasers, morning rituals of Claritin, Omneprezole, and multi-vitamin, watching what I eat, drink, being "vocally focused", speech therapy, and hardest of all...no singing or acting in performance and public...
I had come down to Arkansas in April 2008 to sing with Dad in church and take a much needed vacation from the hustle and bustle of retail. All went well, but when I woke up then next morning, I realized that my voice sounded even more hoarse than the day before. I went in to a Ear, Nose, and Throat doc down here who sent a scope up through my nasal cavity to take pictures of my vocal chords. You know something is wrong when the doc gets ready to spray stuff in your nasal cavity and hands you three Kleenex and says, "You are going to need this." He then sprays and the tears come immediately as the numbing spray goes up your head and trickles down your throat numbing all the way.
After the scope and pictures, I remember going to my car in the parking lot. It was raining heavily and matched the tears rolling down my cheeks. I called my Dad and he told me to come to his office with the photos. When I got there, Pam was there as well and they both were looking at the photos. I remember Pam looking concerned to Dad and saying, "Honey, should we tell him?" to which he responded, "Yes, I think we should." They both look at me and Pam says, "Darling, you have a vagina in your throat."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" I think.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY me!!!!"
I am so thankful that at that one moment...something that could be so dark for a singer/ actor as myself...could be lightened so much by such a wonderful comment. It made me get out of my head and refocus in a way that only Pam could do for me.
Jump ahead to July 2008 and surgery. I am afraid of needles. I am afraid of becoming Julie Andrews. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being asleep. Fear of my parents being in the same room together. LOL! Surgery went very well. They did however remove a polyp, once the size of your pinky fingernail, now the size of your thumb to the knuckle. I remember relief after waking up. I remember crying after waking. I remember relief at waking up to not hurting as much as I thought I would.
Jump ahead to September 2008. After three weeks of heavy sneezing, I was back in the doctor's office for a checkup and a scope. We found another small polyp starting. And all the bottom fell out again.
Speech therapy. Moving out of the apartment I was living in. Put all my things in storage. Realize the value of needing friends to see you through. The power of friends and family to see you through the hard times and support you and care for you.
Jump ahead to May 11, 2010. Went in for another scope. The Three Kleenex route. The immediate tears. The numbing spray. The uncomfortable scope chord going up through the nasal cavity and down the back of your throat to hear the words, "Excellent!" I have a clean bill of health. The doctor has said that my Vocal Vagina is clean and clear of polyps! He even mentioned that the scar tissue is near normal and almost invisible.
I am so grateful! I am going to sing again. I am going to be able to perform again and feel life's blessings all over again.
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