Monday, May 2, 2011

I am not sure how to feel...

I have mixed emotions...
The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions.

But it all kind of came to a head last night. With news from President Obama late last night that Bin Laden was killed by US forces, I was relieved to know that the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks was in deed dead and on his way to hell. Feeling an overwhelming peace of mind that one is found and complete.

However, then all the images came flooding back from the days in the streets in the middle of the night, of walking through a barren Times Square. The screams from the top of the stairs as the Union Station subway gates are closed behidn us with nowhere to go but forward. The falling bodies. The makeshift memorials with candles and pictures of people needing to be found. The face of the crying young man in the sweats on the Subway...the one with the garbage bag between his legs, containing his whitepowdered business suit and dress shoes sobbing into the phone, saying "I know that fireman who pushed me into the van is gone. He went on into the Towers." There are times that these images creep back into my dreams. And I feel my heartbeat race and I wake up gasping.

Then I find myself waking this morning to find the images of Americans outside the White House screaming and cheering, images of firemen sitting on top of their firetruck in Times Square as the words scroll across the screens that "Bin Laden is dead". People cheering in the streets, waving American flags, and my thoughts go to 9 years ago and the streets of another foreign country cheering and waving flags at the deaths of 3,000 innocent people and my gut cannot help but think, "Where does the flag waving for DEATH stop? When does the cheering for REVENGE and SUCCESS cease?"

This world cries for VENGENCE. I cannot help but think that Jesus would be so disappointed in this. On all levels.

I know deep down that Bin Laden would not go alive. I cannot help now but have the deep down feeling that we have not seen the end of the bloodshed...that somehow the "Eye for an Eye" is coming and that scares the hell out of me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Brandon, I subbed in the high school here today and had to address the very same issue. Hard put to give the right answers, as Im not sure there are any "right" answers. Been praying for you in your situation the last week, and knowing that there seems to be no end in sight this week.
Thanks for posting such candid thoughts, I wish I had had this to read to my kids today. Every day that I sub in the high school, my admiration for full time teachers grows by leaps and bounds. I only hope that I can be a positive and lively influence in the lives of children at such a vulnerable age. Love and miss you so much, your laugh, your smile and your brilliance. Keep me in your prayers as I ponder returning to college at 37 to finally GROW Up!!! Love you B, always and forever, Rhonda "Carroll" Dews