I am trying to remain positive.
I firmly believe that the positivity you throw out there will come back to you triple fold...
But buying your first home is for the birds...
And it is something that is "out of my control".
I have found myself at various stages of my life, trying so hard to be able to provide some sense of direction in my life and have allowed that to flow into the lives of those around me, feeling I could direct their life as well. Howeverm I quickly learned my lesson. A therapist, post 9/11, told me, " Now what I want you to do, Brandon, is try to direct your Dad's life for him. Right down to the most minute detail." I tried and tried to think of how to do this. I had struggled so much with his choices and the trauma of him not retiring from the military and being activated to Germany for a year, in harm's way, on foreign soil, with freakshows terrorizing our world, and being away from his family. I told Penny, "I can't do that" to which she replied, "Then why are you trying to?"
It is difficult for me to be able to direct my own life, achieving the goals I have set for myself, remaining a positive force for those around me, trying to complete the massive schedule of being a teacher, a partner, a brother, an uncle, a son. And I stumble just like many of us do...trying to make everything fit.
I was asked yesterday why I do not sing in the church choir and all I could think of was, "I have so many balls in the air and if I throw one more thing up there to try and juggle, I am going to stumble and fail miserably." Forgive the BALLS reference...but its the best visual I can provide at this time...
SO as many may know, I am in the process of buying my first home. Justin and I found this wonderful home and have been working with a realtor since the beginning of August. We have made numerous offers on different homes. The bank has been very focused and checking and double checking to make sure that all the T's are crossed and the I's are dotted. However, being new to this process, it has not been without a great deal of bumps. Closing date has been pushed back twice. Paint colors picked and getting the hopes up. Ideas for this and that. Hopes crash. And then the cracks show a bit on the inspection. Not major cracks but enough...
Seller is granted and expected to pay $240 for repairs...does not want to repair anything as he does not live in the state any longer...but states that he will just give me the $$$ at closing. CANNOT do that for an FHA loan and so if I wanted the $$$ I would have had to ask the bank to rewrite every piece of contract they had. We bowed out of that portion but still felt a little hot under the collar about it.
Not sure when to set up the appraisal inspection so close to the buyer's inspection and trying to figure out just exactly what I must fix, whether the seller needs to fix stuff, before we can schedule the appraisal... Pushed back a closing date because of it.
Thinking we had insurance...Knowing we had insurance...Cannot seem to get my agent on the phone...bank calling...I hear from both the bank and the insurance agent: I have faxed this...I have faxed that...She won't return calls...I have faxed it back...All of the sayings from everyone supposedly supposed to be organized and well-versed in the ways of home buying...and yet out of my control. I cannot control how unorganized you are. I cannot control your fax machine. I cannot control the fact that the closing date has been pushed back three times...I cannot control the seller's agent's attitude, how this is somehow my fault. I cannot control my anger at having students in my classroom looking to me to give them direction for our weekend speech tournament and I am on the phone in the middle of a conference call between the bank, the mortgage company, and my insurance company trying to figure out why it is not as easy as changing the date on the policy from the original closing date to the newest one, even if ALL the information is exactly the same...and NO I am not going to pay for insurance on something I have not closed on and should be built into a mortgage. I already am having to fork over thousands of dollars on a down payment and Earnest money...so No I will NOT do that for you...
And I KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS!! I have heard from so many of you about your own trials and tribulations! Thank God for the love and support of friends and family.
What I can control is my HAPPY Attitude. The thought that we should, if all things go as planned, have keys in hand, as of tomorrow eve.
Paint colors can be mixed.
Boxes can be loaded and finally went through after three years of storage.
Memories can be sifted through.
Dishes can find a home.
I can finally set some roots.
And Justin can finally be a part of my home.
Life is good.
And all the while...I know that God put this on my plate to see just how much I would learn form this experience.
This becoming an adult is HARD! I know you catch my drift!!
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