And maybe this shall pass...

I got the chance to meet up with a man who has become a wonderful friend a few weeks ago. We had worked together last summer and had developed a really great friendship, one whom I trust to give me the "point blank" advice and not sugar coat it. I appreciate this so much in today's tip toeing around things and being our passive aggressive selves.
I am going through some personal stuff here lately. Lots of inner thoughts, inner debates, inner struggles. As it probably should be.
I met with Vincent a few weeks ago and he was very insightful and pinged quite a few triggers in my mind and have been thinking about them ever since....don't you love friends who can do that?
One question he asked me, "How old are you?" to which I calmly answered "I will be 42 this year."
He continued, " What is it that you want to do with your life? Where do you see yourself in say the next 5 years?"
I answered, " Well, Justin and I are planning on getting married summer of 2015. We would eventually love to have kids and a family. Justin wants to make sure he is done with his Bachelor's degree before we do that though."
Vincent then said something that to some would seem harsh, yet I look at it as a truth I had been denying. He said, " Well, sheesh, you aren't getting any younger."
LOL!!!!!
And tis true friends, I am not. However, that very comment spurred a wonderful conversation not only with my partner, but also with my folks. Perhaps this whole idea of having kids is not realistic. Just expressed feeling a great deal of pressure to get done with his degree so that we could immediately move on to that next step. I felt HORRIBLE that that would be something he felt and I was being pushy about it. I have felt a great deal of pressure to have kids especially as I am NOT getting any younger and don't want to be retiring when my kids are just heading off to college.
Its also a question of fairness...not fair to be putting that much pressure on my partner to get something complete...when we all know what kinda hurdles COLLEGE throws at you. And not fair to offspring to have to be looking to college and dealing with elderly parents....
Just speculating...


Those questions Vincent asked weeks ago have spurred many many more inner struggles, inner questioning, inner life-searching...and this is all good...


Will there be changes? Perhaps.
But I feel I will emerge a better, more well-rounded person on the other side.
I just keep praying for guidance...for some sense of direction in this life of mine...


More to come...

MLK says it best...every time.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
Only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that."


Beautiful.
Poignant.
Powerfully said.


Love one another.


on a side note....
had my first random act of kindness last week...
I have heard that folks in Starbuck drive thru across America will occasionally buy the car behind them their order. Well it happened to me last week.
It was one of the sweetest feelings ever. So OF COURSE I paid it forward and bought the car their order behind me...


Here's hoping that she went ahead and did the same...


It was a wonderful feeling...
THANK YOU random person for making my day.

Ripping each other apart

With the recent events of 2013 and beginning a brand new year...some things never change.
Many look at the gay community as a catty, chatty, whiney, back-stabbing community where drama just follows. For many folks this is true.


Many gay people struggle with the godliness of others and leave the faith. "If one can turn their back on me, then I will turn my back on them and of God." is the thought process of many within our ranks. Some even think others within our community are struggling to model ourselves like our straight counterparts, getting married, adopting or having kids, and living the straight life...and yet, continuing the mocking, the  back-stabbing and rumor spreading.


It is a vicious debilitating attitude most have adopted and just don't see it...


This makes me sad.


Why wouldn't members of the gay community observe this within its ranks and choose to leave them behind when nothing but drama follows most? Who wants the drama in their lives? Why would someone continue to communicate with folks who stab and jab, in childlike fashion?


One of my friends posted this on Facebook this morning and it rang true...


"Pray. Meditate. Have faith. Know your truth. Respect others in pursuit of their truth." ~Royal D. Bush


I like this very much.


With all of the life changing we need to do...perhaps it is time to leave the childish ways behind and embrace each other for the beautiful light we each bring to the planet? And support each other and nurture each other to strive for greater things?


Perhaps it is time to find your own truth, whatever it may be, and follow our own star's path. AND be respectful of each other's journey. Support each other and have faith that this journey is exactly how it should be?


If we can't work and live together...


I am so proud of Royal and the amazing example he leads for us all in the gay community. He proves...You can be spiritual, be a Christian, worship and follow a living God, and be the hand of Christ...and be gay.


It is all in how you let it define you.
Being gay is only one aspect of who I am as a person.


I am a Christian.
I am a partner.
I am a son.
I am a brother.
I am a friend.
I am a educator.
I am an entertainer.
I am gay.
I am a mentor.
I am a cheerleader.
I am a believer in potential.


You see how this all lays out?? We have to forget our combative ways, let go of our childish tendencies, and embrace the new face of the gay community. It is one who can embrace God, can embrace Christianity and lead a Christ-like life, can embrace each other, support each other, and advance forward.


I truly believe this.


Thank you Royal, for bringing this to me today.


Keep on, my friend, doing what you do!

Patience and Guidance

SO among other things I am recognizing...


I am finding that I am not as patient as I had thought? But I also find that when the going gets rough I do try to exude as much patience and calm as possible, in order to help make things flow as smoothly as possible. This probably would come into play when disruption occurs. Yet, deep down, I am still just as guilty of knit-picking everything apart in my head and heart. Perhaps we are all guilty of this...


But how do I change this? How can I alter this occurrence and just "let go and let God"? Sometimes it is easier said than done.


I prayed this week for GUIDANCE and for perhaps an "ah ha" moment. I found myself truthfully on a happier mode of living. I found that a scheduled meeting was actually very eye-opening, heart-shaking, and rumbled my core. I have lots of thinking to do. It is going to be 2014- the year of assessment and inner searching and game changing.


Any guidance is appreciated.

What to do when you are snowed in and bored?

 

So I am hearing many folks these days complaining about how COLD it is in their cities. How they are getting snow days. How they are getting feet of snow and sub zero temperatures. I get all of this. Being from North Dakota, I would hear all of this and lived though it all.

One of my fondest childhood memories was the weekend of my Mom's graduation from the University of Mary with her Master's degree. We had family and friends coming in for the weekend celebration and had a huge party planned at our house out in the country. Now this house was seriously in the country...the nearest house was far away. Wide open prairie and little to no trees on our acreage.

Enter said snow storm.

Enter the cries of boredom, cries of youngins not being able to go outside and play because there was snow drifting higher and higher in our driveway. We could not even see our mailbox yards away with the huge drift building in the yard. Sub zero temps, cars snowed in, and a child with Attention Deficit Disorder. NO SLEEP TO BE HAD.

When the snow storm left, we had a ten or eleven foot drift in our drive way...

Enter the fun, and a chance to create snow forts, tunnels, and climb the top of mountains and underpasses...snow ball fights...taking colored water (colored with food coloring) and making colored ice...

SO MUCH FUN.

 

But the above picture takes this to a higher, crazier, most awesome level...

This is in Harbin, China. They spend WEEKS creating these structures for their Ice and Snow festival. All the buildings are created to represent structures from all over the world...the Roman Coliseum, Empire State Building, Big Ben. You get the picture...CAN YOU IMAGINE????

AND THEY PUT LIGHTING UP IN THERE!!!! And they even have slides that swing you through different structures...soooooooooo AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I want to go to there...

My mantra for 2014

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to touch base with a past student of mine. I can remember the days he would walk into my classroom and would fill the room with laughter. He has since graduated, gone on to college, and is rocking this world OUT!! The young man sitting in front of me was grown up, thoughtful, amazing, and filled with such maturity. He made me so proud and brought me an unexpected surprise.
I have given up on resolutions as I do not make it to the end of the year with these sorts of things... ah the days gone by of getting back into shape...taking up random projects... eating better...BLAH.
But I do appreciate a time for reminders, a time for forgiveness, a time for reflection, and a time for setting goals and adopting mantras. This student brought me a mantra he had adopted for the year and I thought I would put it out here amongst the blog-o-sphere.

"I love being horribly straight-forward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people you love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist.
I love saying, "Kiss me harder" and "You're a good person" and "You brighten my day."
I live my life as straight-forward as possible.
Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.
Maybe its weird.
Maybe its scary.
Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be.
To just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouths or your heart in they hands.
But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.
And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.
We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not in control as we think we are.
We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.
We never know when the bus is coming."
~Rachel C. Lewis
from "Tell the People You Love That You Love Them"

These words dig deep.
These words ring true to my heart at this very moment.
Living life as FULLY and being open to each and every moment.
Just BE fully present and open to each new experience.
Beautiful written.
Powerful words.
Raw thoughts.
Loved this so much.

BRING ON 2014 and all the adventures it may have in store.