And maybe this shall pass...

I got the chance to meet up with a man who has become a wonderful friend a few weeks ago. We had worked together last summer and had developed a really great friendship, one whom I trust to give me the "point blank" advice and not sugar coat it. I appreciate this so much in today's tip toeing around things and being our passive aggressive selves.
I am going through some personal stuff here lately. Lots of inner thoughts, inner debates, inner struggles. As it probably should be.
I met with Vincent a few weeks ago and he was very insightful and pinged quite a few triggers in my mind and have been thinking about them ever since....don't you love friends who can do that?
One question he asked me, "How old are you?" to which I calmly answered "I will be 42 this year."
He continued, " What is it that you want to do with your life? Where do you see yourself in say the next 5 years?"
I answered, " Well, Justin and I are planning on getting married summer of 2015. We would eventually love to have kids and a family. Justin wants to make sure he is done with his Bachelor's degree before we do that though."
Vincent then said something that to some would seem harsh, yet I look at it as a truth I had been denying. He said, " Well, sheesh, you aren't getting any younger."
LOL!!!!!
And tis true friends, I am not. However, that very comment spurred a wonderful conversation not only with my partner, but also with my folks. Perhaps this whole idea of having kids is not realistic. Just expressed feeling a great deal of pressure to get done with his degree so that we could immediately move on to that next step. I felt HORRIBLE that that would be something he felt and I was being pushy about it. I have felt a great deal of pressure to have kids especially as I am NOT getting any younger and don't want to be retiring when my kids are just heading off to college.
Its also a question of fairness...not fair to be putting that much pressure on my partner to get something complete...when we all know what kinda hurdles COLLEGE throws at you. And not fair to offspring to have to be looking to college and dealing with elderly parents....
Just speculating...


Those questions Vincent asked weeks ago have spurred many many more inner struggles, inner questioning, inner life-searching...and this is all good...


Will there be changes? Perhaps.
But I feel I will emerge a better, more well-rounded person on the other side.
I just keep praying for guidance...for some sense of direction in this life of mine...


More to come...