A beautiful moment...

During my advanced drama class schedule, one of the areas my students study is the topic of performance art and finding your own voice. It is a beautiful study topic in the aspect that kids can get outside their self-imposed box and figure out a way to utilize the art of theatre and music and movement to share something they are passionate about. It usually turns into some really profound performances, very moving, and my students always really enjoy the unit of study.

They also become a little unnerved by how raw performances can be. In the past, we have seen powerful performances dealing with bullying, anorexia, how "no" means "no", gang deaths and the effects on families, and even the effects of guns in the schools. REALLY powerful work and kids are so moved.

They study great teachers of this movement. They learn about many different performance artists from our theatre history roots. One of the amazing artists they study is Marina Ambramovic.

Recently, Ambramovic was doing a live art performance at the Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art that consisted of spend one minute in complete and utter silence with a total stranger. What I noticed as profound about this performance art piece was the idea of what you can see behind someone's eyes if only you will take the time to actually pause and look deep. So many times we look to the ground, try so hard not to make eye contact, we get caught up in the fast pace and blur the edges of our surroundings to just get by and get going to get ot where we are going with just as little contact as possible. Many just look to the ground to not let anyone in...into your head, into your heart, but what ends up lacking is honesty, of sharing your truth, integrity, and people begin to question your intention. But when one stops and REALLY LOOKS into someone's eyes, you see into their soul, into their heart, and after you get passed the awkwardness, you can truly connect.

Many people showed up to witness and be a part of this artistic event, but her response to one person in particular was especially moving and brought tears to my eyes. SO heart-breaking and profound. AT around the 1:30 point in the Youtube video, Ambramovic looks up and into the eyes of someone she has not seen in almost 30 years. Ulay, her former lover, sits down in front of her and it is this moment of realization that is beautiful and painful and raw. Marina and Ulay had broken up and had never looked back but always wondered. She clearly tries to hold it all together but cannot and then once he leaves, she tries to reconnect but is clearly shaken and moved.

What I also found so poetic is the moments surrounding their final moments together. they start on either end of the Great Wall of China. They walk to each other, embrace each other, and turn and walk away to never look back. And they didn't. Uber romantic, uber profound...kinda over-the-top, but yet truly poetic.

One of the lyrics within the underscoring states, "He just had to know if she had forgot his name."


Ever had one of those true loves? Ever wondered?

What is your calling?

Over the past few years, I have struggled with this question.

"What is your calling? What are you destined to do?"

 There is not a "be all end all" answer as I believe our calling can be more than one thing. What I am finding is that creative souls drain themselves of their creative juices and lose sight of their end goal. Some may not even have an end goal in sight or may have become so overwhelmed with just living that they have not even thought about it. Spinning their wheels, if you will. You can also be good at so many things, and still feel unfulfilled. Or lose sight of a dream or goal.

So many times we also listen to that inner critic, that little voice inside our heads, that says we cannot do something, or we are incapable of being good at something so we refuse to attempt it. Some even rely on those around us, who become that inner/outer critic who try to talk you away from these goals and that is an entirely different struggle.

Many of you have voiced a lack of drive, a lack of vision and I found a wonderful young woman on Youtube who has some terrific, things to say about finding your calling. Her name is Tara Sophia Mohr. Give it a listen and then lets touch base.

The seven steps she mentions are the following:

1. A vision of what could be

2. A pain or frustration with what is happening in our lives

3. I feel like I am supposed to do this.

4. We feel a resonance and flow while working through it.

5. We resist our calling

6. We don't have everything we need to achieve our calling

7. You are not yet who you need to be.

Holy buckets this rings true to me on SO MANY LEVELS. Especially number six. As many of you know, I have been working through a struggle to find my calling and trying to figure this all out in the past two years. It has been a huge struggle. But that is also the cool thing, for if everything was given to you just because you deem it necessary, achieving everything without one modicum of struggle, what good is it? For in the end, nothing is achieved, no goal reached, no calling attained, without some struggle to become that new being. A new You.

A little Higdemism: Remember, this is your life to live. You must find happiness. You must find your truth. Why would you live your life in a "shoulda, coulda, woulda" situation and not live your life to its absolute fullest, with utter happiness the end goal. Love fully. Live fully. And find bliss.

I continue to journal. I continue to listen in the silence to try and figure my way through this life and will find ndn achieve that true calling some day. I just know it. 

Will bring tears to your eyes...

Imagine if you will...
Exhausted.
Tired and wanting that second cup of coffee to kick in. It is early morning and I am driving into the school parking lot...and it is early. It has been a long seven weeks of extended days. It has been long days of beginning around 7 am and completing the day around 6/ 630 for seven full weeks. Kids are cranky. I am cranky.
I pull into that parking lot and take my usual spot. I look over and see one of my sophomores and her mom in the car pulling up next to me. I had had this student's brother in my class in the past and he was  a member of my Forensics team as well. I even had the awesome opportunity to teach this young man in my Intro the Theatre course at a local community college.

He is an awesome young man. He played Teddy in my production of Arsenic and Old Lace and Ghost of Christmas Present in A Christmas Carol. Super talented, super personality and HUGE looming presence. He is honest, almost brutally so, but that is one of the things that we all appreciated about this student. And his knack for creating terrific oratories on our Forensics team were truly awesome.

Skip ahead to this moment in the parking lot. Momma gets out of the car and comes around with a lime green gift bag. I get out of the car and immediately say, "Good morning!! What a pleasant surprise!!!"

Momma then says, "This is for you from David. He just graduated from Pulaski Tech with his Associates degree with honors. His advisor encouraged him to not save this stole, but to give it to someone who has changed his life. And he wanted me to give this to you for you have truly changed his life for so many good reasons." and inside is his graduation honor stole with an awesome note of thanks on it.

I am, of course, immediately crying and all I could say was, "WOW. That is so cool!! And you tell David that he got me to CRY again SOOOOOOO early in the morning"

It is one of those moving moments in my life that I will never forget. I will have to find a special way to display this awesome tribute. Super sweet and thoughtful and am so honored to have been a part of this young man's journey.

Birthdays and the passing of time

So yesterday was my 43rd birthday.

I just spent the good length of two hours responding to all of the Facebook wishes and am absolutely overwhelmed and humbled by all of the kindness shared with me on my day. It is so cool when friends take even just a little time out of their schedules to wish me a happy day.

I am finding myself this year, moreso than others, more reflective, more inward than I have been in the past. I am finding that I am on the cusp of many exciting adventures. I am getting married in a few weeks to an amazing man, who puts up with my baggage, puts up with my antics, and is still here after 6 years. I love this man with all my heart and am so excited to be beginning our next journey together in the next few weeks.

The kind words shared from friends, family, and my students has been so moving. I got texts from students, messages of love and thanks from students near and far, family love, and friends I am so grateful that Facebook keeps us connect through. It was an awesome day and am so grateful for it all.

Thankful to be able to continue this journey on this earth and to be able to share it with so many awesome people in my life.

Exhaustion...but in a good way

Its been a good wrap-up to the school year. It is always sad to say goodbye to the seniors. This year has been a year filled with accomplishments, both big and little. A year filled with mind-boggling schedule and struggle. It has been a year filled with cheers and tears.
So many students have touched my life and have said or done so many sweet things to say goodbye. I always wrap up my year in reflection and in hopes that I have cheered loud enough for my students, have said something inspirational enough that can get that one student to think more positively about themselves, or have created my classroom as a safe haven for those lost souls who are struggling to find themselves and figure out who they are.
This year there were sweet letters of goodbye and support from students.
Wonderful gifts with sweet memories tied to them.
Seeing those students deck their mortar boards and graduation gowns and walk across that stage and on to the hopes and dreams for a brighter future. I am just so dang honored to have been a small part of that adventure.
Each year, right as school ends, I experience exhaustion. It is debilitating and I find that I become reclusive and inward. A chance to recoup and regain my energy and spark.


The following video is a wrap-up to our Forensics tournament year. Student created, student driven, and could not be prouder of this fine group of students. Love all of  these kids and just know that each one of them will go far and accomplish many many MANY great things!!!