Checking off the list...

This was one of the hardest days of my life...

But also beautiful and poetic and perfect.

Mom's burial.

One of the things I have always told Steve was that my biggest regret in having the very difficult, very adult conversations with my Mom that April day when she struggled for breath and spoke through her C-PAP machine was that I had all of the perfect answers in regards to her wishes...she was able to tell me what music she wanted, that she wanted to be cremated, that she wanted the photo from Justin's and my wedding to be the photo for the obituary and for the memorial service, what Bible verses she wanted read, and what she wanted the event to be like...a celebration...and not dark and gloomy. But the final question I asked her where she wanted her ashes to be buried, she left the answer at, "I will just leave that up to you and Steve to decide."

And my biggest regret is that I didn't push further.

Jump ahead a few months and we are sitting in the funeral home, making her arrangements, and I look to Steve and just kept thinking...How did we get to this point...just plain numb and in a fog...and thank GOD he had the suggestion already in his mind that she should be buried up in northern Minnesota in the same cemetery as her parents and closest brother. I just felt like it was perfect choice.

It would be exactly as she would have wanted it.

Jump ahead to August 5, 2017. Many conversations had, many decisions made, and how perfect that on her birthday, we were able to all come together and remember her life, celebrate all that she had given us, and bury her ashes. I made sure to have some of her ashes pulled for two small heart urns that matched hers for Steve and I...also making sure that those who wanted some of her ashes would get some.

I was able to go up to Grand Forks the night before and spend the evening with my Godmother and her family. It is always a wonderful time together as we know there will be such laughs and giggles and reminiscing happening. The next morning, I drove up to Shevlin with my Godmother...and it was just felt perfect. I will always cherish that drive...such a wonderful heart-to-heart discussion and I felt more at peace with all that was going on in my life after I talked to her. I am so grateful for her, and their, love and support.

The service was short and well attended. The pastor had a few prayers and read Mom's bible verses. We gave everyone roses...either to keep or to leave on Mom's grave with a prayer from them for her.

My journey had brought me to this point and I was once again reminded of Theodore Roosevelt and the idea of a "Life Well-Lived" and you know what...she truly had done that... I wrote a poem read at the service that I share here for you all:

A life well lived

Today we celebrate the life well lived

A legacy left behind

Remembering her journey and fondly recalling her gifts.

A passion for her fellow man.

A traveler of the world.

A smile to light up any room.

A hug to calm the hurt or to say hello.

Courage to do the right thing, to fight the good fight, with fire in her heart.

To love life and others so deeply and fully and without expectation.

To spread positivity and light to others making each day a great one.

Being grateful for each day completed because each day is not guaranteed.

Soaring with eagles…on wings of living life to the absolute fullest capacity.

Seeing the bigger picture and dreaming just as big

Having immense faith that God would be there guiding the entire course of her life.

Allowing others to see her vulnerable side.

Love freely given…a lifetime of support and guidance.

Always there when others needed you.

Never realizing the immense gifts she gave to all of us, leading her life with strength, with hope, with joy and with grace.

Until it was gone and now the quiet is deafening and we feel the absence.

But are so grateful for the legacy left for us to follow, to cherish, to lead by.

Grateful for it all.

Fly free, sweet spirit, and know you did good. Your journey is complete and now you can rest.

How lucky we all feel to have been a part of a life well lived.

You will be missed but always loved and adored.

We listened to the new version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/A Wonderful World" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole which just felt perfect. The pastor let everyone go.

There were so many hugs.

There were so many tears.

My heart was full and so so broken.

Thank GOD for the arms around my waist during the service and for the hugs and well wishes.

After many had gone on to the potluck dinner gathering...the following moment just seemed so appropriate. Steve and I were there when this amazing, wonderful, vibrant woman left us to go onto the next stage...and he and I were able to bury her ashes together...with the side help of my brother-in-laws.

It felt poetic.

It felt perfect.

And it felt "as she would have wanted it"

And I know she was smiling down on us all.

I know she was so proud of all that Steve and I were able to do for her.

And I was finally able to check that final check mark on my list of what I needed to do for her and for her departure.

And I felt even more peace and comfort knowing that I had accomplished something extremely important for her.