I am sure that God is speaking to me and telling me in the loudest way possible, "Simmah Down Nah"
In his own time...
I was in church this morning and the sermon topic rang true once again...The preacher basically said that all of our own struggles are self-created and that are a product of wishing for "what we want" versus praying for "what we need".
We create the struggles in life by praying and aiming for what we want out of life and experience the impatience, the turmoil, the angst over these types of prayers...perhaps speaking true to my own heart?? I hear you loud and clear, KEEMOSAWBEE!!!!
Perhaps I should truthfully be praying for something more along the lines of what I need.
I need patience.
I need to trust that if God needs me to be somewhere, He will most definitely line up everything to put me in that very space, at the right and appropriate time.
But this is so hard at times when your hopes and dreams are a part of the mix. the life you envision for yourself, the goals you have set for your life's path, and doors slightly ajar with hints of light flowing into the dark hallway to entice you...it is rough and a difficult thing to remain true to the path and the patience to trust that He has everything in line for you...
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
To ignore it is to approve it...
Fred Phelps, the former leader of the Westboro Baptist Church and leader of the HATE movement across America, died this passed week. A short lived sigh of relief could be heard across the land.
Phelps was the largest promoter of hate across the state and came to the forefront by picketing the funeral of Matthew Shepherd, a gay man who was beaten and strung up on the plains of Laramie, Wyoming to die. "God Hates Fags" was his battle cry, and "Enjoy Hell" was his signage.
Years have passed and Phelps and his hateful clan have been found picketing many funerals, including military funerals, claiming that these soldiers died, or the Iraq war happened because of gay people and the United States allowing this immorality.
Well, Phelps died this passed week and many are wondering how his followers/family are going to handle this or will the hate stop. His church has asked that there be no picketing of his funeral, if there is going to be a funeral. Many have said that there will probably not be a funeral, which is pure chicken shit. The family released a statement. "This is a very difficult time for us," the statement reads, " so we ask that the public have a little decency and respect by allowing us to mourn a great man who served God and tried to protect America from the threat of fags and perverts. (i.e gays and U.S soldiers)"
I am sorry... WHAT???
A HUGE HELL NO to that!
They don't get that choice. Especially since the Shepherd and every military family did not get that choice to be exposed to the Phelp's version of hate. Families did not get the chance to say no to the long drive from church to graveside and have to see the Phelp's family brand of HATE and HURT and AWFULNESS. What the family fears if that they will receive the same treatment they unleashed on the entire country if they have a funeral for their patriarch of hate.
Now mind you, I am not saying that we should be as hurtful as he was.
I am thinking that this protest should be SILENT. THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of protesters standing with duct tape across their mouths and a "NoH8" painted on their cheeks.
Seems a fitting tribute and a much needed voice during this time of "difficulty" for a family who has created such awful, disgusting bile in a peaceful country.
A friend posted, "Simply ignoring it and letting it go by unnoticed does not bring "grace" to the forefront. Being there, yet with dignity, does...to ignore it is to approve it."
I could not agree more...
Phelps was the largest promoter of hate across the state and came to the forefront by picketing the funeral of Matthew Shepherd, a gay man who was beaten and strung up on the plains of Laramie, Wyoming to die. "God Hates Fags" was his battle cry, and "Enjoy Hell" was his signage.
Years have passed and Phelps and his hateful clan have been found picketing many funerals, including military funerals, claiming that these soldiers died, or the Iraq war happened because of gay people and the United States allowing this immorality.
Well, Phelps died this passed week and many are wondering how his followers/family are going to handle this or will the hate stop. His church has asked that there be no picketing of his funeral, if there is going to be a funeral. Many have said that there will probably not be a funeral, which is pure chicken shit. The family released a statement. "This is a very difficult time for us," the statement reads, " so we ask that the public have a little decency and respect by allowing us to mourn a great man who served God and tried to protect America from the threat of fags and perverts. (i.e gays and U.S soldiers)"
I am sorry... WHAT???
A HUGE HELL NO to that!
They don't get that choice. Especially since the Shepherd and every military family did not get that choice to be exposed to the Phelp's version of hate. Families did not get the chance to say no to the long drive from church to graveside and have to see the Phelp's family brand of HATE and HURT and AWFULNESS. What the family fears if that they will receive the same treatment they unleashed on the entire country if they have a funeral for their patriarch of hate.
Now mind you, I am not saying that we should be as hurtful as he was.
I am thinking that this protest should be SILENT. THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of protesters standing with duct tape across their mouths and a "NoH8" painted on their cheeks.
Seems a fitting tribute and a much needed voice during this time of "difficulty" for a family who has created such awful, disgusting bile in a peaceful country.
A friend posted, "Simply ignoring it and letting it go by unnoticed does not bring "grace" to the forefront. Being there, yet with dignity, does...to ignore it is to approve it."
I could not agree more...
Unexpected Shots of Light...
Just when I thought that life was darkest...God sends me a little shaft of light to break through and show me a little bit of purpose.
I experienced yet another momentous first the other day...I was able to attend a former student's wedding and celebrate this with them. I came into the church and stood in line to be able to sign the guest book and to put my card in the basket. I do this and take a program and notice a woman standing next to the table, all dressed up and looking me right in the eye. She then says to me, " I have been waiting, hoping you would be able to get here for today." She then asks if she can give me a hug.
Mind you. I am horrible with names yet she looked sooooooo familiar to me. As she hugged me, she says in my ear, " I am so grateful to you. I am so glad that my son has found such a great mentor in you and felt comfortable enough to come out to you."
Shots of light. This is a mom to one of my Forensics team students who sought me out to share something he has been going through. It was so humbling as I live a very quiet life and do not talk about my personal life with my students. I just feel like there is a separation between my work and my life and do not want any lines to be crossed. But I was so grateful that he felt comfortable enough to share this with me and to ask questions. I was able to share life experiences, life moments when I found nuggets of knowledge, of light, of ah ha moments and hopefully help him to begin this coming out process to his parents and family. I was able to share my own personal struggle with faith and what the bible says about homosexuality. Thankfully, he has come out and has been embraced and supported, which is not always the case.
She went on to say that she was so grateful that her son was able to feel comfortable to come out to me, that I shared my life experiences with him, and that I had also included my faith struggle and what I learned about my own life and what God has intended for it. She just kept hugging and talking and I was so moved that as I walked away, I could feel the tears in my eyes...
Its those moments that I am so grateful. I can feel my purpose. I can know that this is why I am here, at this moment, and know that God is leading me through...
I experienced yet another momentous first the other day...I was able to attend a former student's wedding and celebrate this with them. I came into the church and stood in line to be able to sign the guest book and to put my card in the basket. I do this and take a program and notice a woman standing next to the table, all dressed up and looking me right in the eye. She then says to me, " I have been waiting, hoping you would be able to get here for today." She then asks if she can give me a hug.
Mind you. I am horrible with names yet she looked sooooooo familiar to me. As she hugged me, she says in my ear, " I am so grateful to you. I am so glad that my son has found such a great mentor in you and felt comfortable enough to come out to you."
Shots of light. This is a mom to one of my Forensics team students who sought me out to share something he has been going through. It was so humbling as I live a very quiet life and do not talk about my personal life with my students. I just feel like there is a separation between my work and my life and do not want any lines to be crossed. But I was so grateful that he felt comfortable enough to share this with me and to ask questions. I was able to share life experiences, life moments when I found nuggets of knowledge, of light, of ah ha moments and hopefully help him to begin this coming out process to his parents and family. I was able to share my own personal struggle with faith and what the bible says about homosexuality. Thankfully, he has come out and has been embraced and supported, which is not always the case.
She went on to say that she was so grateful that her son was able to feel comfortable to come out to me, that I shared my life experiences with him, and that I had also included my faith struggle and what I learned about my own life and what God has intended for it. She just kept hugging and talking and I was so moved that as I walked away, I could feel the tears in my eyes...
Its those moments that I am so grateful. I can feel my purpose. I can know that this is why I am here, at this moment, and know that God is leading me through...
Sunday, March 23, 2014
What do you fear?
As many of you may or may not know, I have been going through a HUGE inner struggle. I am not privy to go into it here at this point and time but will when the time comes. I know that that is very ambiguous but it is all I can muster at this point.
There are times when I feel that God is speaking to me when I am silent, when I am open, when I am truly listening.
Today was no exception. I woke this morning with a headache. Justin and I went out last night and spent time with friends. It was a much needed outing that was really nice to reconnect. What I was not prepared for was the headache I had this morning. And I did NOT drink but maybe one and half drinks over the entire eve. But perhaps it is a product of all of the personal strife and stress I have been going through over work, over life in general, over trying to find common ground. I had thought about not going to church this morning and just holing up in my bedroom and resting. However, I knew that I needed to go. I wanted to go. I had to go.
So I popped two aspirin, got a cup of coffee in my gullet and drove to church.
Church was packed and I was able to find a seat in the back, One of the moments I find special joy in is the act of listening and sitting in the silence of prayer during the service. I was not prepared for the overwhelming feeling of emotions to rush over me and the tears to come streaming down my face.
And then Pastor Will began his sermon and I could feel him speaking to my very core. And more tears began to flow...
"What do you fear? When you see fear coming, where do you turn?"
Fear could be actual fear or life struggles. When you see the struggles of life presenting itself, where do you turn? Where can you turn? What do you do?
" Are we willing to trust God or ourselves when life presents itself and its struggles?"
Are we able to trust God on this life's path or are we trying to take control and try to lead our own lives the way we would want it? I find that I am the latter. Most definitely I am struggle to try and direct my own life to the way I would want it. Life today is not the way I had envisioned it five years ago. Life has altered itself and changed and is not as glowing as what I had envisioned for myself. And here recently, I have tried and tried and tried to redirect my life. I have prayed for patience. I have prayed for guidance. I have argued with those around me. I have become physically tired and emotionally debilitated.
Then we read Isaiah 7:1-9 and a few phrases stuck out to me. "Be careful, keep calm, and don't be afraid. Do not lose heart"
Allow my heart to be still. Allow my lack of trust to be exposed and to redirect and BELIEVE that God has a plan. Be Calm. Be Silent. TRUST that God has a plan for you. Ignore the fear as best you can and look ahead and trust that God has it together for you. STOP trying to hang on with your very cuticles and let go.
"Fear is a place but faith is also a place. If you do not STAND FIRM in your faith, you shall not stand at all"
SO I guess I need to redirect once again.
And TRUST!!
And BELIEVE that if God is in control of my life, that he will lead me where he wants me to be.
There are times when I feel that God is speaking to me when I am silent, when I am open, when I am truly listening.
Today was no exception. I woke this morning with a headache. Justin and I went out last night and spent time with friends. It was a much needed outing that was really nice to reconnect. What I was not prepared for was the headache I had this morning. And I did NOT drink but maybe one and half drinks over the entire eve. But perhaps it is a product of all of the personal strife and stress I have been going through over work, over life in general, over trying to find common ground. I had thought about not going to church this morning and just holing up in my bedroom and resting. However, I knew that I needed to go. I wanted to go. I had to go.
So I popped two aspirin, got a cup of coffee in my gullet and drove to church.
Church was packed and I was able to find a seat in the back, One of the moments I find special joy in is the act of listening and sitting in the silence of prayer during the service. I was not prepared for the overwhelming feeling of emotions to rush over me and the tears to come streaming down my face.
And then Pastor Will began his sermon and I could feel him speaking to my very core. And more tears began to flow...
"What do you fear? When you see fear coming, where do you turn?"
Fear could be actual fear or life struggles. When you see the struggles of life presenting itself, where do you turn? Where can you turn? What do you do?
" Are we willing to trust God or ourselves when life presents itself and its struggles?"
Are we able to trust God on this life's path or are we trying to take control and try to lead our own lives the way we would want it? I find that I am the latter. Most definitely I am struggle to try and direct my own life to the way I would want it. Life today is not the way I had envisioned it five years ago. Life has altered itself and changed and is not as glowing as what I had envisioned for myself. And here recently, I have tried and tried and tried to redirect my life. I have prayed for patience. I have prayed for guidance. I have argued with those around me. I have become physically tired and emotionally debilitated.
Then we read Isaiah 7:1-9 and a few phrases stuck out to me. "Be careful, keep calm, and don't be afraid. Do not lose heart"
Allow my heart to be still. Allow my lack of trust to be exposed and to redirect and BELIEVE that God has a plan. Be Calm. Be Silent. TRUST that God has a plan for you. Ignore the fear as best you can and look ahead and trust that God has it together for you. STOP trying to hang on with your very cuticles and let go.
"Fear is a place but faith is also a place. If you do not STAND FIRM in your faith, you shall not stand at all"
SO I guess I need to redirect once again.
And TRUST!!
And BELIEVE that if God is in control of my life, that he will lead me where he wants me to be.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
When faced with the Biblical word and inner peace
My mom has come through with an amazing video...
She and I have such a wonderful relationship and she knows of my inner struggle with what the Bible teaches and says and how my life seems to be in direct turmoil with that...
It has been a struggle and this video spoke to every inner core of my soul...
I am so grateful for it.
I am so moved by these folks' life struggle and their story.
"If God lead in the writing of this book, then how did some of this stuff get in here, especially knowing that it would cause many people so much pain."
"God has my permission to strike me straight whenever HE wants to." I tell God the same thing. However, He has been working on other issues in my life...my pride, my self-sufficiency, my selfishness, my life purpose. This is where I am at right now!!
Thank you, Mom for this!!
You should give it a looksee!!
http://mad.ly/227d94?pact=21268103068&fe=1#
She and I have such a wonderful relationship and she knows of my inner struggle with what the Bible teaches and says and how my life seems to be in direct turmoil with that...
It has been a struggle and this video spoke to every inner core of my soul...
I am so grateful for it.
I am so moved by these folks' life struggle and their story.
"If God lead in the writing of this book, then how did some of this stuff get in here, especially knowing that it would cause many people so much pain."
"God has my permission to strike me straight whenever HE wants to." I tell God the same thing. However, He has been working on other issues in my life...my pride, my self-sufficiency, my selfishness, my life purpose. This is where I am at right now!!
Thank you, Mom for this!!
You should give it a looksee!!
http://mad.ly/227d94?pact=21268103068&fe=1#
Sunday, March 9, 2014
I can feel spring almost here...
I did a little yard work yesterday and today...
Gotta say...
I can see the daffodil sprouts rising out of the dirt and I am so excited...
I love me some Spring...
One of my favorite seasons...not too much a HOT HOT HOT season kinda guy...so Spring and Fall for me!
And here's hoping that this new change in the weather will bring about a change in me...
"Something has changed within me...
Something is not the same...
I threw with playing by the rules of someone else's game...
Too late for second guessing...
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts,
close my eyes,
AND LEAP."~ WICKED from "Defying Gravity"
Our clocks just sprang forward...and the loss of sleep is debilitating. Groggy all day...perhaps why this delirium-writing?? :)
But it is also a season to put a spring back in your step...shake off the winter blues and get back into step with life...
Still praying for patience and guidance...but feeling a little better about the path I am on even though there are no right or wrong answers as of yet...
Which is ok.
I will look towards April and May and see what they have in store...
Spring Break looms and some time off might just be what the doctor needed...
Gotta say...
I can see the daffodil sprouts rising out of the dirt and I am so excited...
I love me some Spring...
One of my favorite seasons...not too much a HOT HOT HOT season kinda guy...so Spring and Fall for me!
And here's hoping that this new change in the weather will bring about a change in me...
"Something has changed within me...
Something is not the same...
I threw with playing by the rules of someone else's game...
Too late for second guessing...
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts,
close my eyes,
AND LEAP."~ WICKED from "Defying Gravity"
Our clocks just sprang forward...and the loss of sleep is debilitating. Groggy all day...perhaps why this delirium-writing?? :)
But it is also a season to put a spring back in your step...shake off the winter blues and get back into step with life...
Still praying for patience and guidance...but feeling a little better about the path I am on even though there are no right or wrong answers as of yet...
Which is ok.
I will look towards April and May and see what they have in store...
Spring Break looms and some time off might just be what the doctor needed...
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