What do you fear?

As many of you may or may not know, I have been going through a HUGE inner struggle. I am not privy to go into it here at this point and time but will when the time comes. I know that that is very ambiguous but it is all I can muster at this point.


There are times when I feel that God is speaking to me when I am silent, when I am open, when I am truly listening.


Today was no exception. I woke this morning with a headache. Justin and I went out last night and spent time with friends. It was a much needed outing that was really nice to reconnect. What I was not prepared for was the headache I had this morning. And I did NOT drink but maybe one and half drinks over the entire eve. But perhaps it is a product of all of the personal strife and stress I have been going through over work, over life in general, over trying to find common ground. I had thought about not going to church this morning and just holing up in my bedroom and resting. However, I knew that I needed to go. I wanted to go. I had to go.


So I popped two aspirin, got a cup of coffee in my gullet and drove to church.




Church was packed and I was able to find a seat in the back, One of the moments I find special joy in is the act of listening and sitting in the silence of prayer during the service. I was not prepared for the overwhelming feeling of emotions to rush over me and the tears to come streaming down my face.


And then Pastor Will began his sermon and I could feel him speaking to my very core. And more tears began to flow...




"What do you fear? When you see fear coming, where do you turn?"




Fear could be actual fear or life struggles. When you see the struggles of life presenting itself, where do you turn? Where can you turn? What do you do?




" Are we willing to trust God or ourselves when life presents itself and its struggles?"


Are we able to trust God on this life's path or are we trying to take control and try to lead our own lives the way we would want it? I find that I am the latter. Most definitely I am struggle to try and direct my own life to the way I would want it. Life today is not the way I had envisioned it five years ago. Life has altered itself and changed and is not as glowing as what I had envisioned for myself. And here recently, I have tried and tried and tried to redirect my life. I have prayed for patience. I have prayed for guidance. I have argued with those around me. I have become physically tired and emotionally debilitated.




Then we read Isaiah 7:1-9 and a few phrases stuck out to me. "Be careful, keep calm, and don't be afraid. Do not lose heart"




Allow my heart to be still. Allow my lack of trust to be exposed and to redirect and BELIEVE that God has a plan. Be Calm. Be Silent. TRUST that God has a plan for you. Ignore the fear as best you can and look ahead and trust that God has it together for you. STOP trying to hang on with your very cuticles and let go.




"Fear is a place but faith is also a place. If you do not STAND FIRM in your faith, you shall not stand at all"



SO I guess I need to redirect once again.
And TRUST!!
And BELIEVE that if God is in control of my life, that he will lead me where he wants me to be.