Driving with the top down

I have continued on in my life. I haven't moved forward on many levels because of the fact that I have not had quiet time since returning back to Bentonville. I had a wonderful, rough, inspiring, personal struggling week with family up in Minnesota and  I am grateful for it all. The week was about beginning the process of going through Mom's belongings and figuring our way through all of the life stuff.

 After numerous discussions with both Steve, my husband, my Dad...I came to the point where I agreed with Steve about my Mom's car. I brought it back to Arkansas with me. I struggled with this decision and am not sure why. 

So here's the story behind the car. After my Mom divorced her second husband...one that we do not speak of...she relied on her close circle of friends to help her bounce back. My mom was a very STRONG business woman, strong Republican, strong faith and it always surprised me about this next aspect about my mom...but she was also intrigued by psychic activity...and became more in tune as she got older into the world. One of her girlfriends brought one of her friends, who happened to be psychic, into their circle of friends. My mom was very interested to see what she would have to say and had numerous readings done with her...about our relationship, my coming out process, and where she was going to be in the next five years. One of the things she told Mom was that she actually saw my Mom not being in Bismarck but actually moving away. She told my Mom that she saw her in a red convertible, with the top down, wind blowing through her hair, with a HUGE smile on her face, and rocking out to the tunes playing on her car radio. 

Jump ahead a few more years and Bobcat transferred Mom to Fargo to work in corporate office. She was a member of the Elks Club in Bismarck. They had a raffle fundraiser going on and she agreed to sell 10 tickets for them. She forgot that she had them to sell them until like a few days before and so she just decided to write them a check for all 10 tickets. And then forgot about it,

So I get this call from my Mom one afternoon and she asked if I was sitting down. "Yes", I responded. She told me the story and then told me SHE WON THE CAR!!!!!

She was like, " Brandon, do you remember what the psychic said???"

"Of COURSE!!!!" I responded, "Did it HAPPEN???" 

"Yup," was her reply!.

When asking her what the rocking tunes she played as she drove the car, top down, wind through her hair, out of Bismarck...and she replied Shania Twain. 

"Seriously??? Mom...Way to ROCK IT OUT!!!!" I joked and we laughed and laughed.

She was so proud of that car. It symbolized so much for her. It was a symbol of her independence..newly realized...it was something she had placed a photo of on her fridge as something that she wanted...very much the the ideas covered in the book "The Secret"...place what you want and hope for in front of you and you cannot help but achieve it. Goals set and achieved. 

She even placed a special license plate on this car.

Jump ahead. After going through the emotional roller coaster of death and struggling to make sure we honored her memory...one of the most beautiful moments of her service at the church was my cousin Sherri speaking on behalf of our entire family for Mom. One of the things she mentioned was the fact that on the way to the memorial service, she saw an eagle along the side of the road with its head bowed and that it seems so appropriate for my Mom and her memory. I would totally agree with that...my Mom was a very patriotic soul and believed in everything that this country stands for.

I came home to Minnesota and on the first time I got in her car, I could feel her everywhere. She was with me in the passenger's seat. That was a rough moment...just keep breathing...just keep breathing...I pulled out of the garage and steered the car towards the gravel road heading towards the highway...and this is no lie...an eagle flew out of the trees and followed me all the way down the road to the highway turnoff. With tears pouring down my face, I kept thinking...Yup this is appropriate somehow...I love you Momma and thank you...

I put the more appropriate rocking tunes on...a CD I created for my Mom but also with a little more beat and honoring her...

RUPAUL, GLEE, Barrett Baber, Medora, among many more.

And cried all the way back to Bentonville