Somethings never change.

Perception: What is it?

We spend all of our younger lives trying to please everyone around us, trying so hard to please those folks who molded us, by getting good grades, bringing home the right person, listening to our peers on who is cool,who to hang out with...It all seems so awkwardly self-centered, with our enclosed view...not looking much passed our own home.

I remember the days when all of the old folks label us as "those young kids". I remember feeling that at my tender age I could not be taken seriously. I had dreams and goals at the age of 18. Who in their right mind was going to take me seriously, to envision what I had in mind and run with? Who in their right mind would even think of taking an 18 year old seriously.

During my tenure thus far as a "high school" teacher, I had thought that a majority of my students have this closed minded, "my entire world revolves around the friends I hangout with" mindset, the school walls that CONFINE me, the video games I play, and are entirely afraid to think outside the box and try new things. I have found that only part of this is true.

This passed week, my students have been learning about perceptions, how we form our views, what outside influences truly are in our lives, and how we view different topics. They are encouraged to express their opinions both on their own lives as well as worldly events and later on in the unit they will begin to formulate a performance dealing with social issues. How do we use the theatrical format to educate those around us?

After numerous discussions with my students, I could not be more mistaken on certain assumptions. So in check, my perceptions of today's student is wrong. Yes they do have problems expressing themselves outside of their comfort zone. I still struggle with my students using their own creative licence, writing in vivid detail, and using their creative imagination. Almost like they have lost their childlike vision for more adult responsibilities. It kind of makes me sad.

My students struggle with more responsibilities today. Having to be more like adults all the time. They have very adult views. Very adult discussions. And struggle with the very idea of what we all struggled with when we were their age. At the age of 18, how can I be taken seriously?

I am very excited about the next semester with my students. I am enthused to hear their views and help them find their own voice. I am excited to hear what they have to say!!

You can be assured...more to come...

SNOW!!!!

So I have just returned from a wonderful trip to Fargo for the holidays...

I always enjoy being with my family in Minnesota. Always brings amazing experiences, lots of laughter, shopping at Macy's, bits of tears when it all ends, and new adventures are always assured.

This trip was no exception.

Highlights:
~A perfect smile from nieces and nephew.

~The tasty hot toddy over excellent conversation.

~Hugs and cheek kisses abound. Playing plane and twirling around in the warmth of the Christmas tree lights. Childlike giggles and smiles. "Again! UNCLE!!"

~Frost on the window and two blizzards. 2 Interstates locked down to no travel almost statewide. Lots and LOTS of snow. Shoveling.

~Time with Mom. Sitting on the couch to watch NCIS marathon. Dominoes and cribbage.

~SNOWPOCALYPSE: 100 car pileup on the Interstate. Jack-knifed semis. Cars crunched. Heavy amounts of snow swirling around abandoned shells of cars. Talk of people's stupidity...talk of folks wearing Bermuda shorts into the storm, driving drunk in heavy snowfall, driving around barricades. SERIOUSLY??? Damn, people are stupid!!!

~And yes there is a LARGE amount of snow! The reports are saying that the snow levels are an inch below the levels before meltdown of the 1997 Fargo/ Red River flood. ONE INCH!!! And it is January!! That is just crazy!!!

~For those of you out there who actually read this blog, you may not be able to fathom what that looks like... When Steve and Mom took me to the airport on Sunday, we drove passed drifts that were taller than the suburban we were driving. It is CRAZY!!!

What I am most thankful for, besides family, conversation, and laughter? The blizzard forces one to just sit tight, forces you to relax and forces you to veg out! You have nowhere to go and I love that!! I got so much done! I read The Hunger Games (highly recommend), reread The Elephant Man (Fell back in love) and got semester test essays graded. I got re-acquainted with Ellen, Oprah, TODAY, the View, and Regis and Kelly.

The rat race began again today and I feel rejuvenated and revitalized! THANK YOU for a wonderful stay and a week of peace and contentment.

As I look dreamily back, I look forward

I am going to admit this...I am an emotional person.

I cry at the drop of a hat at the tiniest bit of nostalgia.

As I sit here looking at a glowing Christmas tree, I am reminiscing of all the passed 38 years and am in awe of the precious memories I hold so dear. I dream of Grandma Holm's laughter and the smell of her molasses cookies...you know the one's...with the cream cheese frosting? I can smell the warmth. I can sense the feeling of Blondie being there. I can see the twinkle in Grandpa Pete's eyes as he sits in his recliner.

I dream of the snow falling as I walked through the woods to find that perfect Christmas tree...a boy of 6 or 7, roaming the hills of my grandparent's farm, searching for the ideal tree to take up into the attic to decorate with Grandma Higdem's old ornaments...the ones that did not make it to the tree downstairs. How very Dooney & Burke eh?

I dream of kneeling at the church altar, on Christmas Eve, with my grandparents, and am reduced to sobs later on as I "know" this will be the last time for Grandpa Higdem to be with us. Not knowing, but sensing he would be gone. And was not too much longer on from there.

I dream of my family creating the handmade Christmas gifts in our basement at the house in Shamrock Acres in Bismarck, North Dakota. We always had a progressive dinner where we moved from home to home and had various stages of dinner at each. The laughter, the jokes, the smiles, the magic of it all, and finally, upon completion of the dessert portion of the evening, we all gathered around the tree and shared our homemade gifts with each other. Wooden trinkets, crotchet pieces of wonder, jams, jellies, carvings.

My family is a very creative sort. I love that. I have always joked that while the males of my family sat together and talked about cars, fishing, hunting, and farming, I was more at home with the ladies, talking about crafts and cooking. So you can imagine when I received a hunter's knife for Christmas from one of my uncles...I just kept thinking..."You do not know me"...

I remember being in Florida for one Christmas and remember being absolutely miserable...yet somehow Christmas came, even to me sitting on the deck chair next to the pool. I fondly remember the camaraderie of the friends I met there, and have maintained. We were all stuck there, yet made the absolute best of the situation. Bringing Christmas and New Year's to the loneliest holiday I can remember. Spending New Year's in Disney World, ringing it all in at Pleasure Island and riding the rides and feeling joy in that part of the world. I would not trade that experience.

The holidays, for me, are about family, friends, laughter, prayers, wishes, hopes, dreams, and love. As I look forward to the brand new year, it is with anticipation and trepidation. I feel so blessed to be here and now. I feel each loss of family members and friends, who have gone on to prepare our way. I know they are watching...

I know that 2011 holds huge adventures for me...a trip to Paris, a trip to California, trips to visit family, directing opportunities, the joys of classroom work, and building stronger working relationships, building stronger family relationships and a stronger relationships with Justin. Along with these two important avenues in my life, I also know that my friends will continue to be important as well.

I trust that God will continue to watch over us. I trust that He will guide us in the paths that we are meant to go on. I fearfully continue to watch the television about all the events going on in the world. I pray for peace. I pray that I am making the right decisions. I pray that God's hands are guiding me in the right direction... as I do for each of you.

Life's Blessings to each of you as we head strongly into 2011...

B

New Year's resolutions...

I was chatting with a student's parent today and was reminded of the fact that, so many times, I make New Year's resolutions that I do not always keep. Perhaps it is that they are unrealistic? Perhaps they are unachievable and I get bored? Perhaps it is a fact that I pick things like "Healthier Me" and join a gym, get caught up in some sort of schedule, and then let it go?

I have always admired Mary Anne Radmacher's work. I enjoy reading and experiencing her poetry and have always loved the one I posted above. It comes in so many forms, ranging from 8X11 framed works to refrigerator magnets. What she writes speaks to me on so many levels, very deeply, yet they all seem like something that can be achievable. Each one of these is totally attainable and if only we could all live with such abandon and stride confidently to the edge of the abyss and trust in whatever power you believe in and leap, knowing that a net will always follow you, supporting you every step of the way.

May the New Year bring you great things. Play with hopeless abandon and live as if this is all there is.

Next offering on "For REAL??"

When I was younger, I specifically remember my parents and grandparents commenting on kids clothes and the ridiculousness of it all. As I moved into my teenage years, I also remember thinking that it was a matter of "expression". I had every right to wear what I wanted as long as I did not pierce, dye, or tat anything.

Now that I am older... (clears throat)
I am now finding myself more horrified by the choices kids are making today for clothing options. The idea of pants to your knees , showing their butts, drives me crazy. "AND how about I wear a belt NOT to keep the pants on my hips BUT keeping them staying on my knees!!" Ummm OK... AND how about the young ladies today feeling the need to show off the twins? It is too tight, too short, too low cut these days... Enter the Grandparent's voices in my head...

Enter Photo Exhibit #1 above...to quote Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers on SNL Weekend Update... Really? REALLY? I mean COME ON!! Seriously??? For REAL??

What in the hell would you be thinking to have this on your head, walking down the street, thinking "I am so cool. I look so good". It looks like I killed some sort of Seasame Street character and deciding against the floor rug opting for a lovely hat.

The expression on Grover's face on the back ground says it all...

The Joy of Christmas cards...

I love Christmas cards...both giving and receiving...

No matter how hectic the schedule gets, no matter how late they get into the mail, I enjoy putting together the annual correspondence from my home. My buddies always raz me that they wonder when the annual Higdem Form Letter is going to go out. Yeah Yeah Yeah...

I enjoy reading about everyone's adventures from the previous year. Seeing the growth of nieces and nephews, cousins, and children. I am always amazed at how many wonderful experiences my friends from high school have undertaken, how creative friends and family can be with their holiday mailings, and how poetic some of my friends can be.

Every once in awhile, I get a card that strikes me to a deeper core...whether it is a saying or a photo. This year, I received a wonderful card from a friend who lives in Omaha, who has always been a strong nurturing soul, with an amazing spirit. The minute you meet Scott Focht, you can just feel the kindest aura surround him. His laughter and wit are infectious. His card this year spoke of light and I wanted to share it with all of you:

"Indeed there are Masters among you.

Scattered amongst the continents to shine

their lights as brightly as possible, simply

by being themselves, living mostly

'ordinary' lives.

Until, with enough of us walking the earth,

at the deepest psychological levels, a

tipping point will be reached so that all

others will be raised ever higher into the

light, simply for being in their midst as if

though osmosis."

~The Universe

Scott goes on to say this:

"Earlier this year, a friend sent me this quote, inviting me to contemplate how I show up in the world.

With all that is going on today...

Am I choosing love over fear?

Am I grateful for my life's blessings?

Am I creating a world that works for all?

Am I letting my light shine?

Whether it is the holiday season, the approaching winter, and/or an upcoming birthday, I find myself ever mindful of my life's journey, the choices I make, and the profound gratitude for sharing some part of the road with you."

Thank you Scott for sharing this year such a thoughtful moment for me. I appreciate you sooooo much, am so grateful for our friendship, and feel so blessed to have shared this life's journey with you if even for moments.

This life and future of our world is in scary terms. War looms. Evil Lurks. But will I choose to be the light or succumb to the darkness?

I always try to approach life with a lightness of being, but find that it is so easy to get bogged down with all the darkness of the road's journey and all it requires. Can I be mindful this upcoming year not to get so bogged down and grow in the light? I hope so...

Perhaps this is my true resolution...

How do you "show up in the world"?

The Irony of "Excellence"

Ok so looking back over the last few months...some of the craziness all stems from having to take this ridiculous test through the ETS Praxis series. One of the many things I have learned up until now is that life is a bunch of hoops. In order to accomplish certain life goals, you have to be willing to jump though them to get where you want to go.

So in order to be able to receive my teacher's certification, I have had to pass numerous test along the way. Praxis 1 is the initial testing where you have to pass a three subject area computer based test. The three areas of study were Mathematics, Writing, and Reading Comprehension. I was so concerned with the Mathematics portion of it. I have never been that great when it came to math and the concept of numbers. The one class I struggled so much with in college was College Algebra and when I got a "C" in the class, I told myself... "AND DONE!!!"

But I made it past this first Praxis hurdle and actually scored higher in the Math portion than I thought I would...

Then on to the Praxis 2 test which is specialized in your field of study. So I took the Theatre test first and then moved on to the Speech Communication test. Each were difficult in their own right. but not unachievable.

Now part of the stress and sleepless nights of this passed semester has been studying and trying to pass the latest round of testing, the PLT, or the Principles of Learning and Teachings, a Praxis test centered around the theories of education. I struggled trying to study this boring information. The voices of theorists stating their dry, brittle, crap in my ears...things I hardly ever use as to how I run my classroom...all the while thinking, "When in the heck would I ever use this in my classroom, knowing full well that this test is not a direct link to how I run a classroom or symbolic of my teaching style."

I basically did something I never encourage my students to do. I memorized and tried to regurgitate all the information, spouting the theories of those theorists and how they related to students in the classrooms all the while telling myself, I just need to pass by one point...one point...one point.

The test was so difficult! It was like running full-force into a brick wall, getting back up, and begging for more. It was 24 multiple choice test questions and 4 case studies, each containing three questions to write essays on. 12 pages of writing and only 2 hours on which to write this test. I finished with 5 minutes to spare, having spare moments to go back over and see just how much I sucked. I tried so hard to include specific theorists and their theories and how they could be incorporated into each of the case study information provided.

Little did I know that I would fail the first round by ONE POINT!!! I was so frustrated. I was disappointed in myself. As I spent some time in reflection as to why I could have failed by ONE POINT, I thought, "Okay, here's the dealio. Maybe I just need to dumb it down, not provide the specific knowledge, and speak from my own voice, and how I would handle the situation." SO I spent the $135 to retake the test and subjected myself back to the brick wall flingage. second time around, I had ten minutes to spare and as I read back through my essays, they were all in my own voice and not very educational sounding at all, in some instances.

Here is the irony: I needed a 164 to pass and instead passed with a 189, achieving a ranking of excellence in the ETS company. Yesterday, I received a certificate of excellence with this score in the mail...stating that I ranked in the top 15% of the ETS testing company nationwide.

I chuckle at the whole irony of it all...Hurdle tackled...Now on the the last round...