As I look dreamily back, I look forward

I am going to admit this...I am an emotional person.

I cry at the drop of a hat at the tiniest bit of nostalgia.

As I sit here looking at a glowing Christmas tree, I am reminiscing of all the passed 38 years and am in awe of the precious memories I hold so dear. I dream of Grandma Holm's laughter and the smell of her molasses cookies...you know the one's...with the cream cheese frosting? I can smell the warmth. I can sense the feeling of Blondie being there. I can see the twinkle in Grandpa Pete's eyes as he sits in his recliner.

I dream of the snow falling as I walked through the woods to find that perfect Christmas tree...a boy of 6 or 7, roaming the hills of my grandparent's farm, searching for the ideal tree to take up into the attic to decorate with Grandma Higdem's old ornaments...the ones that did not make it to the tree downstairs. How very Dooney & Burke eh?

I dream of kneeling at the church altar, on Christmas Eve, with my grandparents, and am reduced to sobs later on as I "know" this will be the last time for Grandpa Higdem to be with us. Not knowing, but sensing he would be gone. And was not too much longer on from there.

I dream of my family creating the handmade Christmas gifts in our basement at the house in Shamrock Acres in Bismarck, North Dakota. We always had a progressive dinner where we moved from home to home and had various stages of dinner at each. The laughter, the jokes, the smiles, the magic of it all, and finally, upon completion of the dessert portion of the evening, we all gathered around the tree and shared our homemade gifts with each other. Wooden trinkets, crotchet pieces of wonder, jams, jellies, carvings.

My family is a very creative sort. I love that. I have always joked that while the males of my family sat together and talked about cars, fishing, hunting, and farming, I was more at home with the ladies, talking about crafts and cooking. So you can imagine when I received a hunter's knife for Christmas from one of my uncles...I just kept thinking..."You do not know me"...

I remember being in Florida for one Christmas and remember being absolutely miserable...yet somehow Christmas came, even to me sitting on the deck chair next to the pool. I fondly remember the camaraderie of the friends I met there, and have maintained. We were all stuck there, yet made the absolute best of the situation. Bringing Christmas and New Year's to the loneliest holiday I can remember. Spending New Year's in Disney World, ringing it all in at Pleasure Island and riding the rides and feeling joy in that part of the world. I would not trade that experience.

The holidays, for me, are about family, friends, laughter, prayers, wishes, hopes, dreams, and love. As I look forward to the brand new year, it is with anticipation and trepidation. I feel so blessed to be here and now. I feel each loss of family members and friends, who have gone on to prepare our way. I know they are watching...

I know that 2011 holds huge adventures for me...a trip to Paris, a trip to California, trips to visit family, directing opportunities, the joys of classroom work, and building stronger working relationships, building stronger family relationships and a stronger relationships with Justin. Along with these two important avenues in my life, I also know that my friends will continue to be important as well.

I trust that God will continue to watch over us. I trust that He will guide us in the paths that we are meant to go on. I fearfully continue to watch the television about all the events going on in the world. I pray for peace. I pray that I am making the right decisions. I pray that God's hands are guiding me in the right direction... as I do for each of you.

Life's Blessings to each of you as we head strongly into 2011...

B