Anxiety and the heart...

I am so guilty of this...getting so caught up in the SPIN as best as I can define it.

I am working on ways to "Stop the Spin"...

But it is so difficult.

I wake up in the middle of the night and just cannot get back to sleep...too much on the brain...and will lay there in the dark listening to Justin sleep...tossing and turning...trying to stop the spin going on in my head...I go from memories of my Mom...to the final moments...to should I have done more...to school stuff that still needs to be done...to apartment stuff that needs to be done...to when we should begin to search for a new house...to stuff I need to do to redirect to my life...to so much else on the brain...

Perhaps this one should have said: "Happiness and Inner Peace can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

Just gotta remember to turn on the light...

And I am struggling to figure out how to turn this light on in those overwhelming moments. I will be perfectly honest, I am working with a therapist to help me through this. I have reached out for therapist's help in the past...post 9/11...dealing with failure...dealing with various parts of my personality...and I SWEAR by it. It is NOT a sign of weakness or a sign of failure. It is definitely recognizing that you might not be able to work through this all alone, that you are human...and that you are strong enough to reach out for a firmer grasp of what life is throwing at you. And it is OK. It is strength. It is grasping stronger ground and working your way through a life maze.

And you know what??  I love that it is Dumbledore who says this...I sure do wish he was real so that I could shake his hand and thank him for the direction he has meant in my life. And that childlike quality of my life comes quickly in and I find myself wishing that there was a magic wand that could erase all of this life stuff and rectify the situation...but it is in those moments when I realize that life has thrown a LARGE amount of hurdles here lately and it is all in how I work my way through it all and emerge stronger and more directed that will define who I am...

Perhaps someday I will meet his creator and can thank her personally.