Stop. Right Now. Remake your life from the inside out.

And what I love about that phrase is that it brings you the power to say NO when you keep saying YES. You have every right to say NO when you are too tired, when you are too busy, and when you just don't feel it. It is totally okay to take out that hack saw and hack away at all of the things that MUST GO in order for you to regain a stronger sense of your life.
And you have to stop the rollercoaster and figure this all out...or you are heading for a stroke, a heart attack, or worse...six feet under...
About two or three years ago, I began to look at my life in such a negative light. I was not happy in where I was working. I was being sucked into a negative cesspool and no amount of close friends could pull me out of it...I was super busy feeling like I had to juggle everything in order to maintain what my mentors had created. I felt like I had to be everything for everyone. I had to direct this. I had to host this. I had to make sure that I was holding my own in regards to the hours everybody in the department was putting in to make sure there was no complaining about my productivity..."We all get paid the same stipend." knowing full well that it was not equal nor could it ever be... I was struggling to be everything for everyone and failing miserably...

But my relationships were struggling...and I had to try to figure out a way to find that happy medium. Find a different journey to follow. Chart a different course. In order for my family to be successful and happy and full and then let the job fall into place around that. But at the core, if you are not happy...no one is happy.

I fail miserably at times in regards to this and am still working my way through this...I am a people pleaser...

But I began to redefine my boundaries on what I would and would not do...and making more time for Justin. For the home. For our families. And those folks who understood were fully supportive of my new way of looking at things...and those who were not...were removed from the process... Harsh? But necessary. And a new work environment was needed and for those who knew I was leaving...fully suppported the decision to my face...even though they were super sad to see me go...and I get that and appreciate them that much more for it...but when a negative cesspool continues to suck your soul and your time and your creativity and your passion and gives you nothing in return to build you up...it is time for a reshift...

And I continue to redefine my role and how to regulate TOO MUCH on the schedule  even today with the new job....and it is a struggle because I want to say YES to everything my kiddos want to do at school and with competitive speech and we are having to navigate our ways through that journey...as it is all brand new terrain.

I am learning the boundary of NO and will be putting it into place in my life...It is time to look at my life from the inside and begin to set these boundaries as to what I will and will not allow to define large portions of its course.