I am reaching the end of a turbulent semester and am just plain exhausted. I logged on today and realized that shamefully had not logged on since January. Blogging and writing provides such an outlet for me but it is also just one more thing on a vast list of things that turn into things "I need to get done" and I just can't sometimes bring myself to get in here and drop down a line or two. Ever felt the same? How do you navigate through moments like that?
Am feeling the need to regroup as I feel like I have been losing touch over the past few years who who I am. I have lost my sense of direction and at times my purpose? When I feel those moments of doubt, and pain, and questioning come creeping in, I am gently reminded about my kiddos, my students, and the energy they bring to my life as well as my classroom and I find my course once again. I am so grateful for all of this. I am reminded of a parent who approached me at our Awards Night with tears in her eyes and gratitude on her heart....for leading her child through the darkest times of her life and for being a safe place for her to unload her emotions and know that she was in a safe place. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about it again...
Teaching is NOT for the weak-hearted. And yet there are times when it is the most underappreciated occupation in the nation. Friends will comment about how my part time job is going, which makes me bristle. Yes we supposedly get the summer off. I say supposedly because what folks don't know is that there are times where teaching is not your preferred passion. Summer is the only opportunity to pursue your passion...for me directing. Summer is also the time to take required classes to maintain your teaching license. Summer is time for me to take kiddos to nationals for a week to compete. Summer is a time to reflect on what worked and what didn't work from the year before. Summer is the time to regroup and plan for the upcoming year.
Entering into a brand new school year brings new challenges, new opportunities, new children to get to know and then you enter into a new tournament season, new rehearsals, new goals to set, new problems children face brought to your classroom door to help navigate. My kiddos call me their second Dad for a reason. They know that they can come to me to bend my ear, ask my opinion, know that they are going to get the sometimes hard truth at times, but never without a hug and a moment of encouragement.
It's time to always put on my cheerleader pompoms, time to make sure the difference you want to make in your students lives are met and reached and achieved. Time for no sleep at nights worrying about that next lesson, or the child who brought some difficult news to the classroom. Will they be okay?
It's no wonder I get to the end of the spring semester and feel depleted. Absolutely and completely. I have nothing left to give and yet I have to push forward through the exhaustion. And I know I am not alone.
I am making a promise to myself...to regroup. To reflect. To relax and rest and be kind to myself. To find myself and my reconnect with my passion this summer and share it with you all on here. It is important, not only for me, but also for Justin, who unfairly gets the brunt of this at times and yet continues to love me and support me the best he can, sometimes not fully understanding my work life. He truly is a blessing in my life and I am so grateful to him for everything...
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