With determination...

  My head keeps telling me: I know I can do this!

  I know I can move forward with this idea in my heart and head.

  But right now, at this very moment, it feels different? It     just all feels different, and scary, and at odds, and   untethered. What is it that I want to do with my life? I am   digging. I truthfully have lost a sense of who I am and   what I want and where I would want to steer this ship. I   have lost a sense of personal course. I feel so tired and so   out of sync.

  I am reaching. I keep reaching out to those tethers that I envision will make me happier. Make US stronger and more solid.

  I am pouring my heart and head into digging into my past and why I do the things today that were learned habits from my past. I have navigated through my first almost 50 years on a trajectory that started when I was young. And on some levels...it has not suited me as well as what I thought it would. It served its purpose, on many levels, but I learned behaviors that are not good, not beneficial to how I approach relationships, and thoughts, and life. Now it is time for me to find a stronger sense of purpose moving forward.

I so wish I could call my Momma. She would have so much to say about this whole search and dig. 

But once I do figure this all out and feel more in sync...I know my life will feel different, and my next journey will be revealed...and I will feel the shift towards kicking in with that stronger sense of purpose and drive and focus.

I just feel out of whack right now...like a kite without a tether. 

and it's okay right now...

I am ok right now.

But what's next...

That's what I don't know.