A note to my 16 year old self...

LORD...if only this were possible.

This is probably one of the most annoying things about Rupauls Drag Race seasons...Never fails...final episode and Rupaul asks each one of the final three... if you could tell your three, four, five, eleven year old self...what would you tell 16 year old Brandon

And I would cue the butterflies and tears...

Mascara and fake lashes would be flowing down my cheeks in a matter of moments...

Learn to stop and relax.

Give yourself more grace.

Not everybody is going to like you...and its gonna be okay.

Why my 16 year old self? Because that's where it all changed. That's where my life changed and I stopped being a child and was forced to grow into a young protective man. Protective of my mother. Protective of my secrets I held deep in my heart and could bear to face. And I did it all on my own. I made these decisions on my own because I KNEW I had to do this not only for my future but also to be there when my Momma needed me. I was the man of the house...whatever that meant... 

 Let's be honest...on some levels I just stopped. And I didnt lose it...I left it behind. Because I felt like I had to.  For others. For my self preservation. For my life goals because I was close enough to my own graduation...but even then I let others kind of drive me in a direction...

My dad.

My grandparents. 

My mom to some level...but she and I had a different understanding.

And I learned lessons. 

And I learned to steer my car just a bit but gave others the ownership of my energy, my journey and raced to finish line after finish line...never taking time to truly relish in accomplishments. It was to make others proud on many levels...giving others the chance to brag on their grandson...their son...and not taking the time myself to feel acceptable and accomplished. 

Take back what is yours.

Don't allow your car to be driven by someone else.

Let yourself be happy. If you realize you are not happy, shift gears. It's ok to change directions. 

Always remind yourself that you are okay and that sometimes it's not your fault...life happens and we learn and grow and evolve.

Dont stop growing and evolving, friends. 

Keep growing into a better version of YOU...whatever that may be. 

And learn to be at peace with that.