What is our true potential? Are we working towards our true potential and are we doing what we were destined to do with our lives?
There are so many "How to find your true potential" pages out there...you should just Google search it and see how many there are. It is crazy.
I can honestly say that I am struggling with this.
But what I am struggling with is not a question of the current job I work at, or the life I lead. It's those other moments in my life currently overtaking my thoughts...it is those thoughts of just completing graduate school, traveling as a professional actor and learning the business. Pervading my thoughts and hearing words of advice that we not asked for that now haunt me a bit.
You see, when I was little, I wanted to be a theatre producer. I wanted to be a theatre director. I wanted to possibly own my own theatre and create art and entertain. I completed grad school and immediate took to the road to "learn about this business."
And the first few steps were bumpy. I can look back and honestly say, that these bumps, while I was in the actual moment was a little traumatic, however nowadays, I think of these moments thankfully. It formed who I am as a performer and business man.
My family was not as kind or supportive during these times. The pressure to leave this all behind and do something "more stable" was heavy and hard at times mostly from my grandparents. And yes, the suggestions were towards being a teacher. They played my chosen theatre career at the times all off as ridiculous or flippant or unstable and played the teaching profession as a more stronger choice.
These days I am looking back on these conversations with a little bit of a dark cloud. And I do NOT want to say that I blame anyone for the conversation as debilitating as it was to my dreams but I am struggling with this.
What I am about to say could be read as stuck up and full of myself...It is not intended to be so but could be read as such...
I am now teaching. And I am good at it. Its not a question of that... I ENJOY IT SOOOOOO MUCH!!! I enjoy teaching the kids and watching them grow into budding artists. I enjoy my co-workers so much. I am good at what I do. I have learned the craft and am thankful for the paycheck and the opportunity to work in this field.
But am I being used and allowed to be utilized to my true potential? That is negotiable. I am feeling so much more creative when I blog, when I am onstage, when I am in the director's chair. I am thankful for the fall play time when I can be creative and collaborative. I feel much more creative when I am in the coach's seat for Forensics...but when I take in all of the politics surrounding me, all of the frustrating stupidity around issues, I get frustrated about it all.
And I KNOW that there are politics in EVERY profession. I get that loud and clear.
But I cannot ignore the voices in my head of grandparents and parents telling me to do it and leave the artistic dreams behind and that is when I get even more frustrated with myself and for my life choices. I encourage my kids to never live their lives in a "shoulda, coulda, woulda" situation and to live life as fully as you possibly can...That they should live their own dreams and NOT OTHERS DREAMS...and then I begin to think...am I currently capping myself out? Is there something else out there I should be focused on instead?
Have I shut the door on those childhood dreams only to live the life my grandparents and father dreamt for me?
Doors have presented themselves and I have pursued them.
I have played the waiting game.
And there are many issues that I refuse to address here in this blog because I want to remain so positive. I want to continue to be a positive influence in other's lives. I want to keep teaching and working because I do love working with the kids...but the question still remains...am I working towards my truest potential or am I merely wading into the water one toe-touch at a time?
Am I being hypocritical and not practicing what I "preach"?
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