So last night, Justin and I headed over to be with some dear friends' home, spend the evening reminiscing, drinking some beers and wine, and have a few casseroles together. You see, this friend has just lost his mother and is in the process of doing everything a son does upon the loss of their last parent...the packing, the sifting, the laughing, the finding, the planning for final goodbyes. It is overwhelming. Justin and I headed over to just be with them...perhaps bring a little levity to the situation. We certainly did laugh and have a few wonderful hours together.
I sat there thinking, "This may be the last few times we will be together now that she is gone." Seems that the last few times together have been surrounded by death and the approach of this final moment on earth. His father had passed almost a year and half ago. His mom passed after a long bout with cancer and hospice care. With both parents no longer here, the reason to come back may be fewer and more far between.
On the road trip back to our house, I began to chat with my partner about all that we had seen and heard and the conversation led to our future plans over the next year. I had become frustrated and excited all together. The wedding plans are exciting and the thought of spending our future together makes me so joyful. I think it stresses Justin to no end and I have to be super sensitive to this...I know this. I just have faith that it will all work out in the end and I think this drives Justin CRAZY. A date has been set...the last weekend in June 2015 and now we have to figure out the guest list...which is going to have to be minimalized as we want a very intimate affair, lakeside, at my folk's home in Lake Park, MN...Preparations, decorating, getting all of our families together...its ALOT.
I have been frustrated as I have had things pop up that I truly cannot get too deeply into on this blog or any conversation really for the time being. Don't want to and yet it is on my mind...everything seems to move slower than I would like...but in the end, I get it. I understand the process and need to be open to it all and relax and assure myself that nothing comes right away...once again praying for patience and guidance...ahh the motto of 2014 it seems...and yet I want everything to go speedily and come to some sort of completion....the what ifs...the let's get going...the decide already...
All Justin can say is, "Relax. It doesn't do you any good to worry about it. It is going to work itself out in the end." And I hear this...and it helps...except when you are a worry wart and knit pick everything apart in your head and wonder this...and wonder that...and speculate that if this happens...life sure would be beautiful...Do any of you do this too??
Then I go to church and once again have my OPRAH AH HA moment and I am in awe. The message was this..."Show UP. Shut UP. Pay Attention. God will handle it all for you. His hand is never away from your life even though it may feel like it is never present. His hand is guiding you through all of this life and its difficult twists and turns. You just have to show up, shut up, and listen and He will show you his plan."
AMEN!
AMEN!
AMEN!
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