Why is it??

Why is it that when I need the sleep the most...I can't?
This week has been extremely busy and I have only been in it for two days...
But I knew that when I said that the summer vacation was over, it was OVER!!
My summer has been an ongoing adventure after adventure. Life changing adventures and awe-inspiring ones as well. From Paris to Vegas, from Fargo to Fresno...it seems like I am the world traveler.
But my life is shifting in ways that I never would have dreamed possible. Exciting and daunting adventures. Very adult adventures...

While in Vegas, I asked Justin to be my "partner-for-life". One would say we are "engaged". One would say that we are "committed". He and I will celebrate our anniversary this week...2 years together, bracing ourselves for year three! :) And the roller coaster is still as breathtaking as it was when we first had dinner together in Chili's in Rogers on my way through to go up to ND. We recently made it through a two week road trip together and did not kill each other...in fact we never argue. If that does not speak volumes and say "committed" I do not know what does!

I begin my day thinking about him. I end my night thinking about him and every moment in between. I love and adore this man with every fiber of my being and if one were to say that this was a journey I would be on two years ago, I would have denied it to your face. I firmly believe that God has lead me to be where I am, to be who I am with, and to be doing what I am doing in my life today.

The true questions lie in where do Justin and I go from here? This past Sunday, the state of New York began handing out same-sex marriage licenses and couples, who have been together for decades, have been given the right to marry and receive the benefits of marriage.
Everyone asks whether Justin and I will have a ceremony. He wants one very badly. I think he would truthfully just also want to get our families together and have a small something. I know that my friends would all want to be a part of that as well as family...so the conundrum continues. In my head it just gets bigger and bigger and bigger with white swans, men's chorus, and LIZA...thank you Sex and the City 2 for putting THAT in my head! (Justin...you can stop rolling your eyes at me)

What I grapple with is the fact that, yes we can get married in Iowa, and now New York, which is exciting, don't get me wrong. However, at some point, we return to Arkansas and that marriage is not recognized. I do not have the same rights that other people do in America. Ironically, the divorce rates in America sit at around 41% for first time marriages, 60% for second time marriages, and 71% for third marriages...which basically totals 1 out of 2 marriages are set to fail when all the numbers add up.

Daunting as these figures seem, these marriages provide each person involved a certain amount of benefits, including the right to social security and retirement should one partner pass away. Benefits like being in the same room to hold your dying spouses hand as they slip away. Being able to be a parent and have the rights should something happen.

We, as a minority, are not granted these same rights. I look at various stories around the country and well up with tears at all the hurtful, nasty things people are doing to each other all in the name if the Bible and in the name of traditional societal "norms". Sometimes it seems the courts would much rather grant custody and rights to crack heads than to provide parental/ adoption rights to a nurturing gay household.

So perhaps I am darkening a doorstep here? Maybe I just need to lighten up! See I told ya...I am lying in bed and these thoughts are just rolling and rolling and rolling...

Perhaps I should just revel in the lightness of being that my partner provides me? I have found a man I love dearly, who supports me, who nurtures me, who I can look at from across the room at a party, make eye contact, and feel those butterflies flutter and become instantly giddy. Who hooks pinkies with me while I am driving to say I love you. Hell maybe I just need to throw a Damn party next summer to celebrate our commitment to each other, have a small ceremony with family and friends and just be a trend setter. Society be damned. Make the states catch up to US for a change.